(no subject)
I'm not feeling as bad as when I meant to update this. Just, people like tracy are saying I'm picking on them and that they're sensetive and I'm not and that they can't handle being teased and I'm just a big unfeeling asshole. It's not true, Just because I don't parade around like gonzalo the flamer about my love life and how distressed I am over something every day doesn't mean I don't have feelings and am not capable of being hurt. They don't believe me though "You can't know what I'm going through boo-hoo I want sympathy!" "You're just a cold prick what do you know?" Well fine. I know BETTER what they're "going through" than they themselves almost everytime that is what lead to this. I doubt anyone will be but just in case I'll say don't worry about me when you're reading.
There is a reason I don't talk about this, but some people just don't understand or believe the lenghts I'll go to for a lover. I have done so much it makes me sick sometimes. I spend a lot of money traveling all over the bay, up and down the state, I send packages full of candy, comics, trinkets and souveniers, I've bougt video games, movies, I take them out to see movies I take them to theme parks
I spend all my free time with them, stay up late at night talking to them, hold them when their sad, comfort them when they need it, rack up my phone bill and it's never enough. I'm really at my wits end. I have no idea what more I can ever do. I've done it all, I've done things I never thought capable of like write poetry. I wait for them to get off work and spend the night with them Yet I always in the end get Oh I'm just tired of you now so you can go away I never really loved you. or Oh so sorry but I found someone better, I mean I've liked this person for awhile now but I never actually thought I'D GET TOGETHER so you were just backup the whole time in case I didn't get with who I wanted, now that I've accomplished that,you get tossed over. All I've ever asked for in return is love and faithfulness. It's always too much to ask for I guess..
I do all this, get tossed over like I mean nothing and I'm suppossed to be happy about it? They tell me I'm being immature? Who's the one being fickle and childish? I don't know what I'm suppossed to do. There are few people who have ever shown to be somewhat different. 1 of them just ignores me now and is just too popular to be bothered for a friendly conversation now. Another person, being unlike all the others naturally he's desired by anyone with eyesight.
With oh so many people doting on him how can I ever compete? I've made my promise, offered everything I am, my loyalty, and my undying affection. If that's not good enough, then nothing I can ever do can best that, I know that you can't buy love and you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink; in other words I can do everything under the stars and still not have someone love me. I can't give the world, I can't give riches and endless wealth, or things beyond my power. You all may be havin a problem getting along with serph but I do respect one thing he said. "I don't believe people my age know what they really want" and he's 18. That's what it is isn't it? I don't know why I never had any trouble knowing EXACTLY what I wanted after my first "relationship." I was 18 then.
So you have to decide, whats more important? A love that will last a lifetime? or a short fling with a hot guy with which you're only one of many who have come, and many who have yet to come. Or perhaps someone who can get you all the devices money can buy. Maybe posessions are more important than love. Maybe just being able to get every new game that comes out and going out on a yatch. Maybe love isn't as important as being able to wave around to all your friends what a hot porn star like model boyfriend or girlfriend you've got that everyone desires. It's up to the individual to decide. I don't care what the decision is, what gets me is when they play with me and lead on.
It hurts I can't lie or make like everything is fine. The only time it REALLY doesn't effect you, is when you don't love the person, and I'm finding out more and more often, I'm really not loved even by those who said to me and swore that they did. They parade around their new lover, shove it in my face, and then give a faux innocent look like "I don't know what you're talking about, you're just being immature". Often times they say they want to be friends still but you're making it oh so hard on them. Poor them. What they dump you, rub it in they're with someone better and you're making it hard for THEM. I have every fucking reason to be mad about that. You know what I think the sickest part is? The ones that you let get so close to you, once they've betrayed you and want to remain "friends" they know exactly how to make you feel miserable because you opened up to them. That's sick to use that against someone you said you loved. It still gets me here and there, but; what can I do?
There is a reason I don't talk about this, but some people just don't understand or believe the lenghts I'll go to for a lover. I have done so much it makes me sick sometimes. I spend a lot of money traveling all over the bay, up and down the state, I send packages full of candy, comics, trinkets and souveniers, I've bougt video games, movies, I take them out to see movies I take them to theme parks
I spend all my free time with them, stay up late at night talking to them, hold them when their sad, comfort them when they need it, rack up my phone bill and it's never enough. I'm really at my wits end. I have no idea what more I can ever do. I've done it all, I've done things I never thought capable of like write poetry. I wait for them to get off work and spend the night with them Yet I always in the end get Oh I'm just tired of you now so you can go away I never really loved you. or Oh so sorry but I found someone better, I mean I've liked this person for awhile now but I never actually thought I'D GET TOGETHER so you were just backup the whole time in case I didn't get with who I wanted, now that I've accomplished that,you get tossed over. All I've ever asked for in return is love and faithfulness. It's always too much to ask for I guess..
I do all this, get tossed over like I mean nothing and I'm suppossed to be happy about it? They tell me I'm being immature? Who's the one being fickle and childish? I don't know what I'm suppossed to do. There are few people who have ever shown to be somewhat different. 1 of them just ignores me now and is just too popular to be bothered for a friendly conversation now. Another person, being unlike all the others naturally he's desired by anyone with eyesight.
With oh so many people doting on him how can I ever compete? I've made my promise, offered everything I am, my loyalty, and my undying affection. If that's not good enough, then nothing I can ever do can best that, I know that you can't buy love and you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink; in other words I can do everything under the stars and still not have someone love me. I can't give the world, I can't give riches and endless wealth, or things beyond my power. You all may be havin a problem getting along with serph but I do respect one thing he said. "I don't believe people my age know what they really want" and he's 18. That's what it is isn't it? I don't know why I never had any trouble knowing EXACTLY what I wanted after my first "relationship." I was 18 then.
So you have to decide, whats more important? A love that will last a lifetime? or a short fling with a hot guy with which you're only one of many who have come, and many who have yet to come. Or perhaps someone who can get you all the devices money can buy. Maybe posessions are more important than love. Maybe just being able to get every new game that comes out and going out on a yatch. Maybe love isn't as important as being able to wave around to all your friends what a hot porn star like model boyfriend or girlfriend you've got that everyone desires. It's up to the individual to decide. I don't care what the decision is, what gets me is when they play with me and lead on.
It hurts I can't lie or make like everything is fine. The only time it REALLY doesn't effect you, is when you don't love the person, and I'm finding out more and more often, I'm really not loved even by those who said to me and swore that they did. They parade around their new lover, shove it in my face, and then give a faux innocent look like "I don't know what you're talking about, you're just being immature". Often times they say they want to be friends still but you're making it oh so hard on them. Poor them. What they dump you, rub it in they're with someone better and you're making it hard for THEM. I have every fucking reason to be mad about that. You know what I think the sickest part is? The ones that you let get so close to you, once they've betrayed you and want to remain "friends" they know exactly how to make you feel miserable because you opened up to them. That's sick to use that against someone you said you loved. It still gets me here and there, but; what can I do?