Dynin o larfta
Yon: Die almost never,
Nearly forever.
Forever is yesterday's tomorrow today.
Scod: Is there anything that I can do?
I got to go and see Q.
On a deadly mission since the day we met,
The threat is you.
Yon and Scod: You took my love for granted,
Now there's a bomb implanted in my heart.
Tripod: Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Die almost never,
Nearly forever.
Forever is yesterday's tomorrow today.
Gatesy: (M) James, you're an outdated dinosaur of a sexist era.
Yon: (Bond) Yes, but the hair on my chest is alarmingly enticing.
Gatesy: (Moneypenny) Oh, James!
Yon: (Bond) Miss Moneypenny. You're as attractive as you are... forty.
Gatesy: (M) 007, listen carefully. Blah blah blah blah bomb, blah nuclear warhead,
Yon: (Bond) Yes...
Gatesy: (M) Blah blah blah bikinis, blah blah blah jet pack.
Yon: (Bond) Right, so kill all the baddies then.
Gatesy: (M) One more thing 007, Q has developed a new voice transmogrifier that will disguise your voice to sound exactly like Elvis Costello.
Yon: (Bond) Why Elvis Costello?
Gatesy: (M) 'Cause Scod really, really, really wanted to.
Yon: (Bond) So, who's my target?
Gatesy: (M) Let me use the transmogrifier and tell you. This is my voice now...
Scod: (Elvis Costello) A disgruntled ex-president,
Is becoming incensed.
About the focus shifting off of his cock,
Onto world events.
Tripod: He's causing all this trouble,
From an underwater bubble in the sea.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Gatesy: (Clinton) It's time to release the ultimate weapon,
I will release Faith Hill's next eighty albums into the water supply.
Before you know it, the world will be wearing gold lame mini-dresses,
And look like some shaved rats in stilettos.
Once the world has become skankadelic,
No-one will care about foreign countries any more.
They'll all be looking at my jis (?) again,
I miss that.
Yon: (Bond) You're going to have to find someone else to look at your jis again.
Gatesy: (Clinton) I thought you were Elvis Costello!
Yon: (Bond) I suddenly remembered my ??
Gatesy: (Clinton) What?
Yon: (Bond) When you have a cigar up an intern, that represented all the skankiest moments in human history. Question: Would you ever smoke that cigar?
Gatesy: (Clinton) No.
Yon: (Bond) Well, now I'm going to smoke you...
(Sounds of a gunfight)
Scod: Two, three, four!
Tripod: Die almost never,
Nearly forever.
Forever is yesterday's tomorrow today.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
*************
Gatesy: Comin' out to you Stateside.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
In their jammies.
B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams.
Alone in the basement of the ABC,
B1 and B2, but no B3.
'Cause they're just hurting themselves,
They're heads on the shelf.
The kids won't stay,
'Cause all the suckers won't play.
'Cause there's too many characters,
Too many characters.
They're losing their feel,
They're not keeping it real.
Word up, teddy bear,
There's a banana on your tail.
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down the stairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down in pairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're chasin' teddy bears.
Yon: Bananas...
Scod: Hopin' to catch them unawares, unawares...
Yon and Scod: And the teddy-bear cops is everywhere,
And they kill Big Bird, you just don't care.
B1 and B2, they don't need help,
'Cause all their old friends is on the shelf.
Gatesy: Don't push them, 'cause
They're close to the edge.
'Cause they're trying not to,
Bust a cap in your arse.
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down the stairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down in pairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're chasin' teddy bears.
Yon: Bananas...
Scod: They're hopin' to catch them unawares, unawares...
It's time to get, time to get serious,
A space here a space here, we've carved out our space here,
Get out of my face, dear,
You outta the race, dear.
Come down to my studio, sue, sue, sue to you,
I know what I'll do to you.
I'm gonna talk lewd to you.
Come over here and I'm gonna ****,
And then I'm gonna ****,
And then I'm fuckin' ****.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
In their jammies.
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down the stairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down in pairs.
Gatesy: Yo, we keeping it real this time stateside.
We called in all our friends to help with the message.
Gatesy: Yo Shaggy, you there?
Yon: (Shaggy) Woh, woh, woh... woh...
Here come the bananas...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Here come the bananas...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Excuse me, Mr Officer...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Still comin' down the stairs...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Woh... oh, we multiply,
And we don't ask why.
Then they realise,
Cha-cha-cha-chang!
Gatesy: Cha-cha-cha-chang...
What the frig does that mean, anyway?
Scod: They wanna get Burgo to mergo on my show,
I say "no, like Sir Joh, it's no go".
I know I made a bone but this is my home,
I slapped some chrome up side some mother fuckin' dome.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas...
Gatesy: They're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: They're comin' down the stairs...
Gatesy: They're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas...
Gatesy: In their jammies...
Yon and Scod: They're comin' down in pairs.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas...
They're chasin' teddy bears...
Gatesy: They're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas...
Gatesy: In their jammies...
(Repeated several times while fading out)
Gatesy: That’s a live fade out, people!
***************
Adam: Tripod have got a challenge this morning - they've got to give Australians a modern-day version of Waltzing Matilda, so that people can sing - that's significant to our culture and our times - before Rugby Union World Cup matches. It's got to feature an evil twin, and the modern-day ailment of addiction to text messaging. And at the last second, Wil, you threw in:
Wil: Based on a waiter who referred to my coffee as an "Osama Bin Latte", a skinny flat white as a "Gwyneth Paltrow", and an orange juice as a "Simpson", could we have a food product that has a celebrity's name?
Adam: Take it away, Tripod!
Scod: All righty!
Gatesy and Scod: Once a jolly swagman,
Yon: (That's Australian).
Gatesy and Scod: Camped by a billabong,
Yon: (The billabong of American culture).
Gatesy and Scod: Under the shade...
Yon: (Shade...)
Gatesy and Scod: ... of a coolibah tree.
Yon: Now that could be any tree, really.
Scod: Oh, it's probably the world stage of global economy.
Gatesy: Wouldn't it just be the sun?
Scod: What, so "shade" is a metaphor for the sun?
Gatesy: Yeah...
Gatesy and Scod: And he sang as he watched and waited 'till his billy boiled.
Scod: Now, what's his billy?
Yon: (Mutters) Shit, we shouldn't have tried this.
Gatesy: It's a kettle! A billy is a kettle.
Scod: Yeah, but the billy represents the international sporting community.
Yon: No, no, the billy's just a prop - it's not relevant.
Scod: Oh, okay.
Gatesy and Scod: You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.
Gatesy: How can a guy sing the song "Waltzing Matilda" while being in that song?
Scod: He's some sort of time traveller!
Yon: He's some sort of strange dimensional vortex man!
Gatesy: Yeah!
Scod: Two, three, four!
Tripod: Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Ripping the fabric of time and space.
Scod: If you think that this song is culturally insignificant,
This dude defied physics -
Tripod: In your face!
Gatesy: Down came the jumbuck to drink at that billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee.
Yon: But the jumbuck pulled its mask off to reveal it had the swagman's face,
His evil dimensional twin had found him at last!
Tripod: Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Locked in an epic battle with his unholy twin.
Gatesy: And they sang as they fought in a Kung-Fu-style special effects bonanza,
Yon: Whilst singing the song that they were also in.
Scod: Culturally insignificant, my arse!
Gatesy: Hey, I think they've already made a movie like this. It's got Jet Li in it.
Scod: Yep, give me some of them Asian mussels anytime.
Gatesy: Yeah.
Tripod: Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Ripping at the fabric of time and space.
Yon: Text this to your friends!
Oh no, you won't be able to, probably. They probably won't have "vortex" in the phone, you'll have to spell that.
Tripod: What I'd like to see is rugby players sing this song,
Too many syllables - in your face!
Nearly forever.
Forever is yesterday's tomorrow today.
Scod: Is there anything that I can do?
I got to go and see Q.
On a deadly mission since the day we met,
The threat is you.
Yon and Scod: You took my love for granted,
Now there's a bomb implanted in my heart.
Tripod: Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Die almost never,
Nearly forever.
Forever is yesterday's tomorrow today.
Gatesy: (M) James, you're an outdated dinosaur of a sexist era.
Yon: (Bond) Yes, but the hair on my chest is alarmingly enticing.
Gatesy: (Moneypenny) Oh, James!
Yon: (Bond) Miss Moneypenny. You're as attractive as you are... forty.
Gatesy: (M) 007, listen carefully. Blah blah blah blah bomb, blah nuclear warhead,
Yon: (Bond) Yes...
Gatesy: (M) Blah blah blah bikinis, blah blah blah jet pack.
Yon: (Bond) Right, so kill all the baddies then.
Gatesy: (M) One more thing 007, Q has developed a new voice transmogrifier that will disguise your voice to sound exactly like Elvis Costello.
Yon: (Bond) Why Elvis Costello?
Gatesy: (M) 'Cause Scod really, really, really wanted to.
Yon: (Bond) So, who's my target?
Gatesy: (M) Let me use the transmogrifier and tell you. This is my voice now...
Scod: (Elvis Costello) A disgruntled ex-president,
Is becoming incensed.
About the focus shifting off of his cock,
Onto world events.
Tripod: He's causing all this trouble,
From an underwater bubble in the sea.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Gatesy: (Clinton) It's time to release the ultimate weapon,
I will release Faith Hill's next eighty albums into the water supply.
Before you know it, the world will be wearing gold lame mini-dresses,
And look like some shaved rats in stilettos.
Once the world has become skankadelic,
No-one will care about foreign countries any more.
They'll all be looking at my jis (?) again,
I miss that.
Yon: (Bond) You're going to have to find someone else to look at your jis again.
Gatesy: (Clinton) I thought you were Elvis Costello!
Yon: (Bond) I suddenly remembered my ??
Gatesy: (Clinton) What?
Yon: (Bond) When you have a cigar up an intern, that represented all the skankiest moments in human history. Question: Would you ever smoke that cigar?
Gatesy: (Clinton) No.
Yon: (Bond) Well, now I'm going to smoke you...
(Sounds of a gunfight)
Scod: Two, three, four!
Tripod: Die almost never,
Nearly forever.
Forever is yesterday's tomorrow today.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh...
*************
Gatesy: Comin' out to you Stateside.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
In their jammies.
B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams.
Alone in the basement of the ABC,
B1 and B2, but no B3.
'Cause they're just hurting themselves,
They're heads on the shelf.
The kids won't stay,
'Cause all the suckers won't play.
'Cause there's too many characters,
Too many characters.
They're losing their feel,
They're not keeping it real.
Word up, teddy bear,
There's a banana on your tail.
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down the stairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down in pairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're chasin' teddy bears.
Yon: Bananas...
Scod: Hopin' to catch them unawares, unawares...
Yon and Scod: And the teddy-bear cops is everywhere,
And they kill Big Bird, you just don't care.
B1 and B2, they don't need help,
'Cause all their old friends is on the shelf.
Gatesy: Don't push them, 'cause
They're close to the edge.
'Cause they're trying not to,
Bust a cap in your arse.
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down the stairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down in pairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're chasin' teddy bears.
Yon: Bananas...
Scod: They're hopin' to catch them unawares, unawares...
It's time to get, time to get serious,
A space here a space here, we've carved out our space here,
Get out of my face, dear,
You outta the race, dear.
Come down to my studio, sue, sue, sue to you,
I know what I'll do to you.
I'm gonna talk lewd to you.
Come over here and I'm gonna ****,
And then I'm gonna ****,
And then I'm fuckin' ****.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
They're kickin' the jams,
In their jammies.
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down the stairs.
Bananas in pyjamas,
They're comin' down in pairs.
Gatesy: Yo, we keeping it real this time stateside.
We called in all our friends to help with the message.
Gatesy: Yo Shaggy, you there?
Yon: (Shaggy) Woh, woh, woh... woh...
Here come the bananas...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Here come the bananas...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Excuse me, Mr Officer...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Still comin' down the stairs...
Gatesy and Scod: Pass the buck.
Yon: Woh... oh, we multiply,
And we don't ask why.
Then they realise,
Cha-cha-cha-chang!
Gatesy: Cha-cha-cha-chang...
What the frig does that mean, anyway?
Scod: They wanna get Burgo to mergo on my show,
I say "no, like Sir Joh, it's no go".
I know I made a bone but this is my home,
I slapped some chrome up side some mother fuckin' dome.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas...
Gatesy: They're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: They're comin' down the stairs...
Gatesy: They're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas...
Gatesy: In their jammies...
Yon and Scod: They're comin' down in pairs.
Gatesy: B1 and B2, they're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas in pyjamas...
They're chasin' teddy bears...
Gatesy: They're kickin' the jams...
Yon and Scod: Bananas...
Gatesy: In their jammies...
(Repeated several times while fading out)
Gatesy: That’s a live fade out, people!
***************
Adam: Tripod have got a challenge this morning - they've got to give Australians a modern-day version of Waltzing Matilda, so that people can sing - that's significant to our culture and our times - before Rugby Union World Cup matches. It's got to feature an evil twin, and the modern-day ailment of addiction to text messaging. And at the last second, Wil, you threw in:
Wil: Based on a waiter who referred to my coffee as an "Osama Bin Latte", a skinny flat white as a "Gwyneth Paltrow", and an orange juice as a "Simpson", could we have a food product that has a celebrity's name?
Adam: Take it away, Tripod!
Scod: All righty!
Gatesy and Scod: Once a jolly swagman,
Yon: (That's Australian).
Gatesy and Scod: Camped by a billabong,
Yon: (The billabong of American culture).
Gatesy and Scod: Under the shade...
Yon: (Shade...)
Gatesy and Scod: ... of a coolibah tree.
Yon: Now that could be any tree, really.
Scod: Oh, it's probably the world stage of global economy.
Gatesy: Wouldn't it just be the sun?
Scod: What, so "shade" is a metaphor for the sun?
Gatesy: Yeah...
Gatesy and Scod: And he sang as he watched and waited 'till his billy boiled.
Scod: Now, what's his billy?
Yon: (Mutters) Shit, we shouldn't have tried this.
Gatesy: It's a kettle! A billy is a kettle.
Scod: Yeah, but the billy represents the international sporting community.
Yon: No, no, the billy's just a prop - it's not relevant.
Scod: Oh, okay.
Gatesy and Scod: You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.
Gatesy: How can a guy sing the song "Waltzing Matilda" while being in that song?
Scod: He's some sort of time traveller!
Yon: He's some sort of strange dimensional vortex man!
Gatesy: Yeah!
Scod: Two, three, four!
Tripod: Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Ripping the fabric of time and space.
Scod: If you think that this song is culturally insignificant,
This dude defied physics -
Tripod: In your face!
Gatesy: Down came the jumbuck to drink at that billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee.
Yon: But the jumbuck pulled its mask off to reveal it had the swagman's face,
His evil dimensional twin had found him at last!
Tripod: Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Locked in an epic battle with his unholy twin.
Gatesy: And they sang as they fought in a Kung-Fu-style special effects bonanza,
Yon: Whilst singing the song that they were also in.
Scod: Culturally insignificant, my arse!
Gatesy: Hey, I think they've already made a movie like this. It's got Jet Li in it.
Scod: Yep, give me some of them Asian mussels anytime.
Gatesy: Yeah.
Tripod: Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
Ripping at the fabric of time and space.
Yon: Text this to your friends!
Oh no, you won't be able to, probably. They probably won't have "vortex" in the phone, you'll have to spell that.
Tripod: What I'd like to see is rugby players sing this song,
Too many syllables - in your face!