GRAAHAHA
Scod: Now, they're about to fight, fellas...
Gatesy: Yeah...
Scod: ... when suddenly, the Ghost Ship arrives, and they flee in terror.
Gatesy: (Dropping his sword) Oooh... the Ghost Ship...
Yon: (Dropping his sword) The Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: The great galleon of gloom that sails the dark waters collecting souls... ooga booga!
Yon: Hey, hey, maybe it's come for Tosswinkle.
Gatesy: Oh yeah, he's a real bad-arse.
Yon: He's a terrible-arse!
Gatesy: Yes!
Scod: All right, the Ghost Ship. It's very scary.
Gatesy: How scary?
Scod: (Playing a chord) E minor.
Gatesy: Oooohh... guess the musos in the room have just poo-ed their pants! "Don't go near E minor, you can't take it!" Well, just watch us...
Gatesy: See the lonely township, peacefully sleeping.
The sun hides once again behind the sea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ea....
Most are safely dreaming:
Angel kisses...
Yon: (Makes "kiss kiss kiss... flutter flutter flutter" noises)
(Pause)
Gatesy: Butterflies...
Yon: BWARK! BWARK! BWARK!
(Pause)
Gatesy: But sinners can't escape so easily.
Yon: The murderers, the thieves, and the fradulent.
Tripod: The overweight, the working-class, the foreigners.
Scod: Urgh!
Tripod: They all must beware, for what's that looming there?
An evil spectre on the sea!
Scod: Wooooaw!
Tripod: Ghost Ship! Ghost Ship! Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: Coming to get them...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Scod: Sinners, beware!
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Scod: Ain't no escaping...
Tripod: ... the Ghost Ship coming there...
Yon: Toot toot!
(Pause)
Scod: What was that?
Yon: What was that? It's the Ghost Ship - Toot toot!
Scod: Yon, it's gotta be scary!
Yon: Umm... right, yeah. TOOT TOOT.
Scod: Yon, it's the Ghost Ship, all right. It's gotta be really disturbing.
Gatesy: Grrrrr....
Yon: Umm... oh! Milky discharge.
Gatesy: Yeah!
Scod: Yeah!
Gatesy: That's disturbing!
Scod: Spot on!
Scod: Its masts are made of piled-up skulls,
Its decks are made of human nuts.
Its sails are made of sailor skin.
Tripod: Its guts are made of...
Scod: ... guts!
Tripod: It's a feat of engineering.
Yon: I wonder who built it?
Gatesy: I wonder who built it as well, Yonny.
Gatesy: Out of the night, under the ocean stars,
I was standing with my baby on the boardwalk, and the Ghost Ship was there.
I took her to the pictures,
And then I took her home, yeah!
And then I took her to heaven, you know what I mean...
Gatesy: And it was kind of dirty, and we got out the Glad Wrap...
(Audience cheer)
Scod: I don't want to stop it, but... umm... now, I'm just gonna go with some of the audience reaction...
Gatesy: Yeah...
Scod: ... and suggest that a few of the punters, they've spotted the same inconsistency that I've spotted, Gatesy! Now, when did this suddenly become about some woman?
Gatesy: Ohh, I see, right! Well, I figured that if this Tosswinkle the Pirate show was like a concept album, then this Ghost Ship song would be our first single, yeah? And we want to make a bit of money out of this for a change, yeah?
So if we want to get this... want to get this single selling - sure, the guys, Dave, he loves that "ooga booga" scary stuff, with the galleon and the water, and OOOH!, but the girls - as soon as you talk about love, now you have the ladies listening. Ahh! Because the girls want to imagine they're making love to the singer.
(Audience laughter)
Gatesy: They're not supposed to laugh at that one.
Scod: Hmm!
Gatesy: Go with me guys on this - a one-ie and a two-ie and a three-four.
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: My baby kisses like a...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: I touched my baby on her...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: My trousers are bursting...
Scod: All right, all right, stop the train! Just a minute, all right, okay.
Sorry - "I touched my baby on her Ghost Ship".
Gatesy: Yeah!
Scod: Now... where exactly is a woman's "Ghost Ship"?
Gatesy: Don't you know?
Scod: I know... I'm just seeing, you know, if it translates.
Yon: That... that's enough. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're onto something, Gatesy. I think, you know, this whole love thing could be... could be a bit of a... unit mover.
Gatesy: I reckon!
Yon: Yeah! I mean, but, you're just coming in a little bit too fast, though, that's all.
Gatesy: You reckon?
Yon: You know, you need to create a little bit of a mood, you know, get inside the head of a female girl, you know? Can I give you an example of what I mean?
Scod: Sure.
Yon: After two - one, two.
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: Expressing my feelings...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: Being a good listener...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: A thoughtful companion...
Scod: I don't even know what this song's about any more!
Gatesy: So, it's like foreplay?
Yon: Yeah!
Scod: NO! It's not about foreplay! All right, it's not, it's about a horrible spectral ship that comes to get sinners, all right?
Gatesy: Well, what are they wearing? Is it sort of a leather thing with a...
Scod: No! For Christ's sake, will you just focus? Okay. There might be a woman on it, but it's because she's a sinner. So it's more like, okay, scary, like:
Scod: The woman's a sinner, she's gonna be dragged away...
Gatesy: But not before I bone her on the boardwalk till the morning comes!
Yon: I bought a sentimental card, with flowers and a pink desi-i-ign.
Scod: She'll be torn apart by demons...
Gatesy: While she's touching my buns!
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: A caring environment...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Scod: A den of the damned...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: Overtly sexual...
Scod: Murderous!
Yon: Empathy!
Gatesy: Nude!
Scod: Banshees!
Yon: Thoughtful!
Gatesy: ... Arse!
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: Yeah! Give it to me!
Scod: You guys suck!
Yon: Yeah!
Scod: You're just encouraging him, don't!
Gatesy: (Taking the guitar) The Ghost Ship arrives, yeah? Causing Admiral Gary Coleman and Tosswinkle to flee in terror, preventing their confrontation.
Gatesy: Yeah...
Scod: ... when suddenly, the Ghost Ship arrives, and they flee in terror.
Gatesy: (Dropping his sword) Oooh... the Ghost Ship...
Yon: (Dropping his sword) The Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: The great galleon of gloom that sails the dark waters collecting souls... ooga booga!
Yon: Hey, hey, maybe it's come for Tosswinkle.
Gatesy: Oh yeah, he's a real bad-arse.
Yon: He's a terrible-arse!
Gatesy: Yes!
Scod: All right, the Ghost Ship. It's very scary.
Gatesy: How scary?
Scod: (Playing a chord) E minor.
Gatesy: Oooohh... guess the musos in the room have just poo-ed their pants! "Don't go near E minor, you can't take it!" Well, just watch us...
Gatesy: See the lonely township, peacefully sleeping.
The sun hides once again behind the sea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ea....
Most are safely dreaming:
Angel kisses...
Yon: (Makes "kiss kiss kiss... flutter flutter flutter" noises)
(Pause)
Gatesy: Butterflies...
Yon: BWARK! BWARK! BWARK!
(Pause)
Gatesy: But sinners can't escape so easily.
Yon: The murderers, the thieves, and the fradulent.
Tripod: The overweight, the working-class, the foreigners.
Scod: Urgh!
Tripod: They all must beware, for what's that looming there?
An evil spectre on the sea!
Scod: Wooooaw!
Tripod: Ghost Ship! Ghost Ship! Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: Coming to get them...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Scod: Sinners, beware!
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Scod: Ain't no escaping...
Tripod: ... the Ghost Ship coming there...
Yon: Toot toot!
(Pause)
Scod: What was that?
Yon: What was that? It's the Ghost Ship - Toot toot!
Scod: Yon, it's gotta be scary!
Yon: Umm... right, yeah. TOOT TOOT.
Scod: Yon, it's the Ghost Ship, all right. It's gotta be really disturbing.
Gatesy: Grrrrr....
Yon: Umm... oh! Milky discharge.
Gatesy: Yeah!
Scod: Yeah!
Gatesy: That's disturbing!
Scod: Spot on!
Scod: Its masts are made of piled-up skulls,
Its decks are made of human nuts.
Its sails are made of sailor skin.
Tripod: Its guts are made of...
Scod: ... guts!
Tripod: It's a feat of engineering.
Yon: I wonder who built it?
Gatesy: I wonder who built it as well, Yonny.
Gatesy: Out of the night, under the ocean stars,
I was standing with my baby on the boardwalk, and the Ghost Ship was there.
I took her to the pictures,
And then I took her home, yeah!
And then I took her to heaven, you know what I mean...
Gatesy: And it was kind of dirty, and we got out the Glad Wrap...
(Audience cheer)
Scod: I don't want to stop it, but... umm... now, I'm just gonna go with some of the audience reaction...
Gatesy: Yeah...
Scod: ... and suggest that a few of the punters, they've spotted the same inconsistency that I've spotted, Gatesy! Now, when did this suddenly become about some woman?
Gatesy: Ohh, I see, right! Well, I figured that if this Tosswinkle the Pirate show was like a concept album, then this Ghost Ship song would be our first single, yeah? And we want to make a bit of money out of this for a change, yeah?
So if we want to get this... want to get this single selling - sure, the guys, Dave, he loves that "ooga booga" scary stuff, with the galleon and the water, and OOOH!, but the girls - as soon as you talk about love, now you have the ladies listening. Ahh! Because the girls want to imagine they're making love to the singer.
(Audience laughter)
Gatesy: They're not supposed to laugh at that one.
Scod: Hmm!
Gatesy: Go with me guys on this - a one-ie and a two-ie and a three-four.
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: My baby kisses like a...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: I touched my baby on her...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: My trousers are bursting...
Scod: All right, all right, stop the train! Just a minute, all right, okay.
Sorry - "I touched my baby on her Ghost Ship".
Gatesy: Yeah!
Scod: Now... where exactly is a woman's "Ghost Ship"?
Gatesy: Don't you know?
Scod: I know... I'm just seeing, you know, if it translates.
Yon: That... that's enough. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're onto something, Gatesy. I think, you know, this whole love thing could be... could be a bit of a... unit mover.
Gatesy: I reckon!
Yon: Yeah! I mean, but, you're just coming in a little bit too fast, though, that's all.
Gatesy: You reckon?
Yon: You know, you need to create a little bit of a mood, you know, get inside the head of a female girl, you know? Can I give you an example of what I mean?
Scod: Sure.
Yon: After two - one, two.
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: Expressing my feelings...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: Being a good listener...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: A thoughtful companion...
Scod: I don't even know what this song's about any more!
Gatesy: So, it's like foreplay?
Yon: Yeah!
Scod: NO! It's not about foreplay! All right, it's not, it's about a horrible spectral ship that comes to get sinners, all right?
Gatesy: Well, what are they wearing? Is it sort of a leather thing with a...
Scod: No! For Christ's sake, will you just focus? Okay. There might be a woman on it, but it's because she's a sinner. So it's more like, okay, scary, like:
Scod: The woman's a sinner, she's gonna be dragged away...
Gatesy: But not before I bone her on the boardwalk till the morning comes!
Yon: I bought a sentimental card, with flowers and a pink desi-i-ign.
Scod: She'll be torn apart by demons...
Gatesy: While she's touching my buns!
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Yon: A caring environment...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Scod: A den of the damned...
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: Overtly sexual...
Scod: Murderous!
Yon: Empathy!
Gatesy: Nude!
Scod: Banshees!
Yon: Thoughtful!
Gatesy: ... Arse!
Tripod: Ghost Ship!
Gatesy: Yeah! Give it to me!
Scod: You guys suck!
Yon: Yeah!
Scod: You're just encouraging him, don't!
Gatesy: (Taking the guitar) The Ghost Ship arrives, yeah? Causing Admiral Gary Coleman and Tosswinkle to flee in terror, preventing their confrontation.