Fic: Because it's you (One-shot)
Title: Because It's You
Author: ryther
Word count: 5775
Comment: Yes, please.
Pairing: JaeChun - Soulmate
Rating: PG
Summary: He fell in love when he first saw her...
Disclaimer: I would love to have them as dolls...because they aren't mine...
a/n: This is a super late birthday fic for be_ddelusionall (I'm sorry bb! I got caught in stuff and yeah...really sorry for the super long wait). I haven't write anything this love for a loooong time so I bet there's lots of grammar errors- but please bear with me.
I'm suppose to post this last week but it was hectic and we're on school holiday (not that I'm on holiday). I actually finished this about a month ago but I was super lazy and I forgot how to post a fic...XD
The snow was pouring continuously, even if it was little snowflakes, but it got stuck and melted away like rain. His eyes caught a sight of a bright red umbrella trotting down among other umbrellas but at a much slower pace. Maybe because of that, when it arrived at the traffic light, the umbrella wielder was the first person he tried to see. He did not know if it’s because of the umbrella or maybe it was because of the street light that was starting to light and shining above the person that all he could think of was angels and maybe that angels don’t have wings like people believe they had- they probably used umbrellas to fly; like Mary Poppins did.
He sat there admiring the long fringes that framed the chaste face- pale with red splayed across her cheeks and lips. Her warm scarf wrapped tightly around her neck and he was convinced that she must be a walking mannequin because no one could breathe bundled up like that. He was too consumed in watching her that he did not notice when a person came and kissed her, pulling her into a tight hug at the same time. He stared at the person who could possibly be her boyfriend because she was swatting at him with a playful smile and he could see how her eyes twinkled…which somehow shunned all the other lights around her.
It could possibly be a joke the heaven was playing on him because less than ten minutes later, he found himself sitting across her with her excited looking boyfriend smiling sheepishly at him. He could feel her eyes on him and somehow it felt like they were the only ones there. She leaned in to her boyfriend and whispered something that he guessed was something about him since the next thing he knew was Changmin nudging his elbows, snapping him out of his staring contest. He glanced at his junior, raising an eyebrow.
“I believe staring isn’t a good manner, Jaejoong-hyung,” Changmin said with a smirk.
“Since when am I one with good manners?” he retorted but bit his tongue when he saw a small smile on her face. She turned to her boyfriend and smiled widely. “And I believe that we’re meeting your boyfriend and not this lovey-dovey duo, aren’t we?” he huffed, taking a sip of his coffee, darting his eyes away.
“We’re not a couple,” a low and deep manly voiced said. Jaejoong’s eyes stilled and he could feel the seconds ticked away as he met the eyes of the owner. Somehow they were in another staring contest again but it felt like the gaze he was trying to hold was boring a hole in him. “Junsu is my best friend and I’m here to meet his boyfriend. But I don’t believe it’s you, am I right?” he continued and Jaejoong felt like he was in junior high and was ordered to back off by the person he looked up to- part of him rebelling while another part of him was condoning.
“Chunnie-ya, Jaejoong-ssi is Changmin’s senior at work and you remember I told you about how great of a doctor he is?” The guy who he thought was the boyfriend took his best friend’s face and turned it towards him. “Don’t be so worked out, Chunnie,” he said, his thumbs drawing circles on his friend’s cheeks.
Changmin leaned in and whispered quietly, “Remember my boyfriend I told you about? That’s him and his best friend.”
“I didn’t know best friends have those kinds of kindling moment too.” Jaejoong mocked. “Plus is he a he-she? Because I swear he looks like a girl,” Jaejoong smirked smugly.
“To tell you the truth, he’s my patient. Junsu just loves to doll him up and I swear the first time I saw him…I was rather shocked too. He looks better than the usual pretty girls we meet in the club,” Changmin smiled. He glanced over to see a pout on Junsu’s face. He gestured for Changmin to come over, so the tall lad rose and walked over, crouching where Junsu gestured him too.
“I knew it. I knew it when Junsu asked about you.” The guy named Yoochun was smirking, yet it looked cute on him.
“Yoochun wants to see how handsome you are, would you mind if he sees you?” Junsu asked; eyes bright with delight.
“Sure, baby.” Junsu guided Yoochun’s hands onto Changmin’s face and let them roam about his boyfriend’s face.
“Now you believe me Chunnie?” he asked when he saw a smile on Yoochun’s face.
“You’re too handsome, too brilliant and too good for him, Dr Shim, I don’t think he deserves you,” Yoochun said playfully, waving his eyes as if to brush Junsu off. Junsu lightly smacked his shoulder and nuzzled Changmin’s nose, leaving butterfly kisses on his boyfriend’s face. Yoochun smiled fondly as if he knew what was going on and shoved Junsu’s shoulder bit when he felt that Junsu was not going to stop his action anytime soon. “I think we have another guest here, Junsu, don’t leave him behind,” Yoochun gestured towards Jaejoong.
“I think it’s the other way round there, Yoochun-ssi, I’m very much aware of what is happening around me,” Jaejoong commented. Somehow, whatever this beautiful sightless man before him says triggered a snarky comment from him and he couldn’t help but retort.
“Hmm…well you can also see that I am not able to see isn’t it?” Yoochun asked, he was dancing on the verge of breaking his own heart again and he could feel the pounding of his heart waiting the inconsolable truth that he’s been painting on his walls.
“I don’t know what you want me to say to your question, but for someone as beautiful as you, cutting your own wrist to rid of the pain in your heart is heartbreaking…especially for the people who love you.” Jaejoong studied the frown that formed on Yoochun’s face and wondered if he was hurt by his comment. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
“For someone who doesn’t even know me…you sure know which button to press.” Yoochun stood as soon as he finished talking and grab his umbrella, a bell attached to the holster making its tinkling sound as the young man slowly made his way out of the coffee shop. Junsu soon followed the trail left by his best friend after saying a few words to Changmin and bowing slightly to Jaejoong. And Jaejoong…sat rooted there for the next hour until his phone was flashing with a call from the hospital.
~
“It shouldn’t have been that way,” Jaejoong said as a greeting when he saw the person who was constantly on his mind for the past few weeks. He was finally out of his weekly tagging routine which he volunteered after he couldn’t stand being within his home and not think of the person he met at the coffee shop. Changmin had left a message to him to meet up at the lobby after he finished his shift but as his eyes roamed the room, he saw the source of his constant concern sitting in the waiting area near the medicine counter. His breath left his lungs when the person raised his head with eyes steady on him.
“Like I said, you sure do know how to press a button in me,” Yoochun smiled. Jaejoong wondered what was it that he did for the past few days which were noble enough that the heaven was happy with him.
He cleared his throat and said, “You were the one who light a bulb in my head and won’t stop shining even when I close my eyes.” He looked away, embarrassed. Somehow it was a confession of how he feels about this person who he had never known before and yet it felt so right to feel so.
“For someone as snarky as you, I’ve expected a tough resistance and a bloody mess for you to get your feelings out,” Yoochun shifted his foot and shoved his hand into his warm jacket. He was bundled up in a bright sunny jacket that Junsu bought him and Jaejoong wondered how skinny he really was without all the thick clothes.
“For someone who couldn’t see…how do you manage to see through me?” Jaejoong shuffled closer and carefully secure a hand on the shoulder of the man, gently guiding him to stand and walked him across the hallway. “Were you mad at me? I didn’t mean any harm, I just merely stating what I felt,” Jaejoong said silently, leading them to the hospital’s small café. He lightly pushed the young man’s shoulder to sit and he obliged willingly.
“I know you didn’t. All the people that I’ve met before were either too afraid to know me or tried to know me out of pity. No one ever dared to say something like that to me and…frankly; I didn’t know how or why you said the thing that I wanted to hear the most since I got blind.” Somehow, Yoochun caught Jaejoong staring at him again because the latter did not say a word for what seems a long stretch of time. “Will you quit staring and start ordering? I need some hot coffee to warm up,” he continued, feeling that Jaejoong still had not snapped out of his trance.
“Ah, sure.” Jaejoong went to order and it was a silent five minutes when he felt Jaejoong settled down across from him again, a mug filled with coffee placed in the crack between his barely touching fingers. They sat there in silence as if Jaejoong was trying to find words to say to him.
“How did you lose your sight? Did it hurt, when you know you can’t see? Have you tried to do something stupid? Do you still remember that day? How long were you scared?” Jaejoong sounded too curious and nervous and concerned that it makes Yoochun smiled. Why would a stranger who barely knows him, who possibly do not know his full name or his age nor who he really is even bother to know the tragedy that changed his life? And to be sincerely concerned of him, Yoochun could not understand.
“Tell me one reason I should answer all of your questions,” Yoochun said, hands clasping his mug of coffee tightly..
“Tell me why I can’t get you out of my mind. Tell me why I wanted to know all about you. And why when I know you can’t see me, all I could see was you…” Jaejoong bit his lower lip, feeling vulnerable for the first time in his life- he never confessed to anyone before since he was always the one receiving confessions and to top it all, he had to do it daily when he was in high school and college. It was the first time he felt the feeling of butterflies eating his insides to fly freely in his stomach. Maybe…because I’ve fallen in love with you.
“Fine, buy me lunch and we’ll talk.” Yoochun said behind his cup of coffee, hiding the blush that he knew would be creeping down his neck in seconds.
~
A year later.
“Do I look like a girl again today?” Yoochun touched the knot of the scarf tied around his neck. He could feel Junsu pouting at him as he hurried to get his shoes on.
“You never complained about that before!” Junsu pulled open the door as Yoochun exited.
“I did! Remember how many times I was hit on on the street when I was waiting for you?” Yoochun felt around to press the elevator button. The door clinked open and seconds later gentle hands wrap around his waist.
“Hey there beautiful.” A kiss was pressed onto his lips and he responded readily. When the kiss ended, the person said loudly, “That is so dangerous! How can you just kiss anyone so willingly? What if some lunatic comes and grab you and give you a messy French kiss? Will you respond to that too?” Junsu laughed as he shoved his two friends into the elevator.
“Actually that did happen before.” Yoochun answered thoughtfully, his long slender fingers playing with his plump lower lips. Beside him, his boyfriend’s eyes were bulging out of his socket.
“WHAT?!!”
“That was how I met Yunho actually. He was drunk and was hitting on me and thought I was a girl. This guy over here didn’t come on time and I was nearly raped on the bench outside of the club!” Yoochun poked his fingers into what he assumed to be Junsu’s ass.
“Hey stop that! Well….you knew I cannot get out until I finished clearing up the costumes…. At least we know that he’s straight, though it is kind of a shame since he has such a gorgeous body. Don’t worry Jaejoong, Yunho is our buddy now, he felt sorry for mistaking Yoochun for a girl that has no boobs though,” Junsu finished his defense with his trademark laugh and led the way as the elevator clinked and opened. They walked across the small lobby to the awaiting car outside with Changmin behind its wheel.
“You’re ready Chunnie?” Changmin asked as the three climbed into the car. Yoochun squirmed slightly and smiled. He nodded and let out a quiet ‘yeah’.
“You’re still nervous?” Jaejoong asked as Changmin drove out of the apartment’s main entrance.
“He didn’t sleep last night.” Junsu supplied, turning back to look at Yoochun. Yoochun swallowed the tightness in his throat.
“We’re talking about having someone’s corneas being put to my eyes…the person is dead and I’m supposed to be happy to have my sight back?” He asked; the matter still incredulous no matter how many times he thought about it.
“We’ve talked about this before didn’t we?” Jaejoong squeezed his hands, trying to give assurance of how the idea will be a good thing.
“I’m just…well, I’m happy with what I have now. I have you…I have Junsu and Changmin. But now, I’m taking something off someone whom I didn’t even know to add to my already perfect world; don’t you think it’s selfish?” Yoochun asked again, the thought bothered him since the first time Changmin suggested the idea. It grew stronger once they’ve learnt about a sudden donor the day before and he was supposed to have it implanted as soon as possible.
“But Yoochun, you’ve compensate enough, don’t you think? I know how you feel about paying for what you take, but you’ve trade in your home and family and even your sight and for the past ten years you lived with nothing. Don’t you think it’s fair to get at least one of what you lost, back?” Junsu argued. Yoochun had been living with his family ever since Yoochun lost everything he had in the fire that took away all Yoochun’s possession. He knew every single thing about his best friend and had taken the responsibility to care for him in every way possible.
“Maybe you shouldn’t think of this like you’re taking something off from an unknown person, instead think of it as a gift. A gift for all the good deeds you’ve done for the past years.” Changmin added in, trying to sound reasonable.
“But…” Yoochun trailed off, his hands were gently patted by Jaejoong’s calming ones as Jaejoong wrapped his arm around him.
“You had been a good friend, a good neighbor, a good citizen. You’ve been an excellent boyfriend. In my life, you’re my gift, Yoochun. I don’t know what I’ll be if I didn’t meet you. That day, when I saw you on the street, I thought I was hallucinating and all I did to you was hurt your feelings.”
“Yes. You’ve turned the cold blooded doctor into a human. That’s your greatest deed!” Changmin chipped in; his voice full of teasing sarcasm.
“I didn’t do anything…”
“You did everything. You changed me. You taught me how to be strong in life. How it’s always fair for everyone even when you’re lacking in every way possible. I hate myself when I look at you…” Jaejoong stopped to bit back a sob. “I don’t know why, when it’s you, I become a selfish bastard instead. Half of me didn’t want you to have your sight back because if you can see again, then you’ll probably leave me for a better person. I just…I just can’t bear thinking that you’ll be seeing how great other people are and how lacking I am.”
“Who are you and what did you do to my Jaejoong?” Yoochun said, pushing Jaejoong’s thigh away even when his own eyes were welling up. “I have an over confident, attractive and brilliant man as a boyfriend, who are you? Why are you being emotional when I’m supposed to be the crybaby?”
“Well I guess… his pride shattered when all he does in his spare time isn’t making up plans to be the greatest surgeon… but a better boyfriend instead.” Jaejoong took Yoochun into his embrace and held him close to his heart. “I want you to have your sight back and see me like I did the first time I saw you. I want you to be able to see how great of a person you are and…and if it’s possible be an ever greater person.” Yoochun could feel the tremble running through Jaejoong’s body as his lover sobbed silently. It was his first time to understand how much Jaejoong cared for him. He spent the first few months of their dates getting Jaejoong to break his shell of defense made of sharp tongue and cold shoulder.
“I know I love you for a reason.” Yoochun said silently as he could feel the car stopped completely.
“I thought you don’t need a reason to love someone.” Jaejoong asked.
“Well that’s just an excuse when you ask me why I love you.” Yoochun smiled as he let Jaejoong helped him out of the car.
“What’s your reason for loving me?” Jaejoong whispered as he guided him to the awaiting wheelchair, unable to hide his curiosity. They’ve been dating for over a year and Yoochun had never said why he loved him.
“I want to tell you when I’m looking into your eyes.” Yoochun smiled and gave Jaejoong a lingering kiss before sitting on the wheelchair to be wheeled away by the attendant.
~
It was a short operation but Jaejoong felt like it was far longer than any operation he
had ever observed or assisted. He could not keep his eyes from looking at the operation room and kept pacing the small corridor in agitation.
“If you’re worried, you should’ve gone inside with Changmin.” Junsu patted his shoulder, handing a hot coffee.
“I don’t think I can bear seeing him on the operation table.”
“Why? Have you guys ever done anything naughty on it?” Junsu’s sense of humor puzzled Jaejoong and the young doctor raised an eyebrow in question.
“Forget I said that,” Junsu blushed but Jaejoong was immediately distracted as the door of the operation theater suddenly opened and Changmin walked out. His smile was wide as he pulled down his operation masked.
“How was it?” Jaejoong and Junsu echoed each other and Changmin laughed a bit.
“It went incredibly smooth. Nothing major occurred and he’ll be wheeled out in a minute.” As soon as he said so, the light of the sign turned off and Yoochun was silently wheeled out of the operation room. The three guys followed the trip back to Yoochun’s room, but Jaejoong’s cell phone flashed again- the second time after a quick call half an hour ago-a call from the hospital.
“I need to go,” he said as he checked his phone, a message requiring an immediate attention regarding his recent patient. “I don’t think I could be here if I have to go to the operation theater. Please tell Yoochun that I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when he wakes up,” he squeezed Yoochun’s hand and kissed his temple. Jaejoong gave Junsu a quick hug and throw a thankful glance over to Changmin. “Thanks guys, I don’t think I could handle this alone,” he smiled gratefully and took his exit.
The steady beat of the heart moderator filled the quiet room as Junsu took a sit beside Yoochun’s bed and held the stilled hands lovingly. “Thank you, Changmin….I never thought there’ll be a day when Yoochun’s eyes started reflecting his feelings again.” He looked over to his lover, his chest tight with unspoken emotions. Changmin settled beside Junsu, pulling his lover’s shoulder gently towards his, caressing the tension out of Junsu. There was a comfortable silence before Junsu spoke up again.
“You know…I’ve requested a lot of times before for the cornea donation, and four years ago, I did get Chunnie a donor, but he refused. Nothing I did could change his mind. I lost count of the times when he was depressed yet he hid it from everyone, including me. Chunnie had never lost his temper towards anyone, especially strangers, but I could see he was annoyed when people pitied him. When he first met you, he said you were the first doctor who didn’t show any unneeded sympathy towards him, and he was thankful for that…” Junsu looked up from the embrace with a smile. He settled his head against Changmin’s shoulder, basking in the warmth from the young doctor. “Chunnie changed drastically in the past one year. After he met Jaejoong, he was everything he wasn’t before. Jaejoong was the main reason he changed his mind…” He turned his head to look into Changmin’s eyes. “Sometimes, I felt jealous over the fact that Jaejoong means more to him than me.” Junsu smiled bitterly, his hand reached out to caress Changmin’s cheek. “You know…I loved him more than a friend, more than a brother. My love to him once was like of mine to yours now. But he said he wasn’t good enough for me. He said that he couldn’t do anything for me. He broke my heart when he said he couldn’t love me the way I did, but he promised he’ll bring me a better love…then he led me to you.” Junsu smiled, his tear stained cheek shining in the dim room.
“He did. I am thankful for that. He let us meet and be happy and I can never be thankful enough to him for that.” Changmin closed the distance between them and reassured Junsu of his love towards him.
~
It was nearly midnight when Jaejoong finished a sudden operation that was rolled in from the trauma unit. He cursed silently when he saw the clock and deftly made his way towards the on-call room to have a quick bath before checking on his lover.
He nodded at the head nurse of the ward and pushed opened the door of the dark room. Junsu was sleeping on the only sofa in the room so Jaejoong sat on a guest chair on the other side of Yoochun. Yoochun’s black hair was pinned back, revealing his wide forehead. Jaejoong smiled as there were eyes drawn on Yoochun’s covered ones. He’ll have a fit if he knew that. ,
Yoochun was sound asleep but Jaejoong didn’t mind. He himself was too tired to even do anything else but he had wanted to be there with Yoochun. He was not sure about his feelings anymore. He knew the moment Yoochun said he would undergo the operation he would be facing a Yoochun who could see how he looks and behave. He wondered a thousand of times before if it would make Yoochun fell out of love with him. What if he despises the way I look? What if he sees all the bad things I did? What if he hates the way I am?
The questions had never been so stressful to him. All his life, he had never had any problem; in love or in his career. Apart from his career, he was okay with his love life, he did not give a damn about whoever he sleeps with- that is if he feels needed to satisfy his sexual needs. Meeting Yoochun had been the turning point in his life and he knew that after their first encounter. He confirmed the theory after they met again a few weeks later, his heart somehow tagging at his mind over the beautiful sightless man who seems to see everything about him.
Yoochun turned in his sleep to settle on his side, his face towards Jaejoong with a slight frown on his forehead. Jaejoong could not help but gently brushed his palm on Yoochun’s forehead. He had never thought he would fall for someone like Yoochun, though if he thinks about it, Yoochun was everything he had wanted his other half to be. Yoochun understands him better than anyone, and somehow he felt like Yoochun had conquered his soul- he would never be complete without him.
“Jaejoong?” Yoochun’s voice was rough and deep, his hand started to grab about. Jaejoong immediately hold his hand, and with a hushed voice, whispered, “I’m here Yoochun.” Yoochun’s right hand went to touch his wrapped eyes and he let out a sigh.
“Jaejoong?” His voice hushed as he silently tugged on his lover’s hand. “Lay down with me?” he scooted backwards till he felt his back touch the safety bar Junsu had raised earlier. Jaejoong smiled and carefully climbed up on the hospital bed.
“It isn’t safe you know, this bed isn’t made for two.” He joked as he scooped Yoochun’s head to settle on his forearm and wrapped his other arm around Yoochun’s waist, bringing their body closer and tangling their legs together. Yoochun chuckled and playfully beat Jaejoong’s chest.
“Silly! You’ve been saying about having something more aggressive on this bed but how can we do that if it couldn’t hold the both of us?” He turned his face from Jaejoong’s chest and smiled. “I love it when you hold me… But somehow, I feel like a girl when we cuddle like this.”
“You’re way better than any girl….I never held anyone like I hold you.” Jaejoong whispered, their distance was too close and Yoochun’s lips were just a couple of inches away. Yoochun snuggled closer; his arms wiggled their way through Jaejoong’s scrubs, seeking warmth from his back and his nose was touching Jaejoong’s neck.
“I don’t know how I feel anymore, Jaejoong-ah…” Yoochun’s whisper tugged at Jaejoong’s heart. Yoochun had always had the direct connection with his heart and emotions and seeing such a vulnerable Yoochun had always raised the protectiveness and possessiveness in him.
“It’s okay Chunnie. It’s okay not to know about it.”
“What if I change after I can see, what will happen to us?”
“We will still be the same. I will still be here for you.”
“What if you hate the way I change and…and… you don’t want me anymore? What should I do?” Yoochun was sobbing, his hand clinging desperately to Jaejoong’s chest.
“That, baby, will never happen.” Jaejoong crushed Yoochun to his chest, trying to will the shudder that overwhelmed him, the feeling of how he hope Yoochun would not push him away instead. Yoochun continued trembling in his arm as tiredness and fatigue threw out their final warning before he eventually drifted off to sleep.
“Chunnie-ya, how can I leave you when you have my heart?”
~
Junsu woke up when he heard the bustle of the morning rounds. He turned and stretch in the comfort of the sofa, relishing the soreness of his arm muscles and opened his eyes to a dangerously-snuggling Jaejoong and Yoochun. He quickly went over to wake Jaejoong up before Yoochun could roll from his side and off the safety bar to land straight onto the floor. Jaejoong woke up quickly and together with Junsu pulled the sheets to safety.
“Thanks Junsu.” Jaejoong smiled genuinely to one of his best friend. His friendship with Junsu was based on the foundation of similar passion-caring for Yoochun. He knew how Junsu had felt for Yoochun before, but it had never altered the feelings he had for Yoochun because he knew how Junsu feels about Yoochun now. Junsu have him a warm hug, and he knew that they shared the same nervous feeling that awaits them that day.
When Changmin walked in with his senior to check on Yoochun, Yoochun was already up and laughing with Junsu. Jaejoong left after an early breakfast for his morning rounds in the orthopedic ward and Junsu was left in charge to accompany Yoochun. After a brief check up, Dr Kang concluded that Yoochun could take off his wrap immediately.
“Can I wait till Dr Kim gets here?” Yoochun asked hopefully.
“I just paged him, he’s coming here.” Changmin informed and right at that moment the door was hurriedly pushed open and a breathless Jaejoong rushed in. He mumbled a rushed hello and bowed respectfully towards Dr Kang to settle beside Changmin, but Yoochun shifted and made a space behind him, patting it as if asking Jaejoong to come over. Jaejoong shuffled to the bed and sat behind Yoochun.
“I’m taking off your wrap now, okay Mr Park?” Yoochun nodded silently and he felt skilled hands of Dr Kang deftly unhooked the latch on his wrap. The layers of bandage came undone smoothly onto his hands and he could feel his heart racing. He could feel warmth and then, there was no more bandages left to be unwrapped and he could only wait till he opened his eyes. He let his eyes adjust to the new feeling and suddenly there’s a light behind his lids that he had not seen in a long time. When he finally did open his eyes there was the blinding light that forced him to squeeze his eyes shut again. His hand automatically shot up to rub his eyes, but he felt Jaejoong’s gentle hands blocking it, securing it in his pair of hands instead.
“You just had a surgery, Mr Park, it’s best not to start by rubbing your eyes yet,” Dr Kang said soothingly. “Try blinking, the blinding light would go away eventually.” Yoochun did as he was asked and the light faded. He could feel his eyes started to focus and what he assumed to be Dr Kang’s face came in view.
“Hi. I’m sorry to be the first person you would see Mr Park, but I was the supervising doctor for your surgery yesterday, Kang Dong Won. I’ll just need to make another quick test and I’ll get going.” Dr Kang lighted up a small torchlight and focus randomly over Yoochun’s eyes and they followed the light eagerly. He took note and did another test to end his report.
“I think that’s all. I’ll see you again later then,” Dr Kang stood and walked out of the room.
Yoochun’s eyes followed the trail of Dr Kang until he realized that there were others in the room. He looked over to a figure right beside him.
“Junsu…” he managed to say before Junsu stood and gave him a tight hug. Junsu was crying and he could feel Junsu trembling in his arms.
“Yoochun-ah…Chun-ah…” Junsu kept calling his name and Yoochun could not stop the tears rolling out of his eyes as he half hugged his best friend.
“:Junsu, stop choking Yoochun.” After a moment, Junsu let go with red rimmed eyes that were still watery with tears. Yoochun wiped his cheeks as he looked over to a tall and handsome doctor in his white coat.
“Dr Shim Changmin!” He said while throwing his hands around the figure that enveloped him with a bear hug.
“Nice to see me?” Changmin said playfully while letting go of his friend and patient.
“Very.” Yoochun replied, letting his tears run freely down his the slope of his cheeks.
“You cried too much.” Jaejoong’s voice breezed through him and Yoochun immediately stilled. He closed his eyes and willed the tears away. He could feel the bed shifted and the spot in front of him dipped slightly.
“You won’t look at me?” Jaejoong’s voice was strained as if he was willing back tears. Yoochun opened his eyes but he lowered them so the first thing he saw was Jaejoong’s lap. His eyes followed Jaejoong’s hands that cupped his cheeks and he silently bit his lower lip, slowly dragging his eyes to follow the contour of Jaejoong’s chest to finally see him. When their eyes met, both let out a breathy gasp. Yoochun’s hand was trembling as he touched Jaejoong’s cheek, gently caressing the soft skin. He wiped away the tears that were flowing down, pulling him close to kiss the corner of his lover’s eyes.
“Don’t cry baby,” Yoochun whispered as his other hand pulled Jaejoong’s waist closer, feeling the warmth of his lover’s body.
“I’m…I’m not crying,” Jaejoong choked out. He shook his head and blinked rapidly to conceal his tears. Yoochun smiled at Jaejoong’s denial, loving how childish his lover could be. He lifted Jaejoong’s face to meet his eyes with a smile tugging on his lips. His eyes wander, checking the details of his lover’s face. He knew his lover would be a beautiful man but seeing him up-close was unbelievable. His breath came out in short burst as his heart constricted with the realization of seeing the person who had his heart. The person who had broken his shell of defense and even make him do something he would never thought he would.
“Do you know how much I love you?” he asked quietly. Jaejoong nodded once.
“You have my everything now…I…” he trailed off, thinking of the best way to voice out his feelings yet nothing came out. Jaejoong’s hand came up and wiped the tears that pooled at the edge of his eyes.
“Why do you love me Chunnie?” Jaejoong’s eyes were searching the depths of his lover’s eyes. No matter how many times he tried to read it before, he failed miserably. But, as he was seeing it now, words just couldn’t express the feelings it emitted.
“Because it’s you.” Yoochun whispered, smiling amidst the tears.
“Then don’t ever doubt my love for you. I’ll always be yours.” Jaejoong closed the few inches between them, relishing in the sweet kisses. One of the few things that Yoochun had always wanted to do if he ever could see again was to kiss Jaejoong with eyes wide open, and seeing how those beautiful eyes reacted.
It was overflowing with love just the way he had hoped for.
Author: ryther
Word count: 5775
Comment: Yes, please.
Pairing: JaeChun - Soulmate
Rating: PG
Summary: He fell in love when he first saw her...
Disclaimer: I would love to have them as dolls...because they aren't mine...
a/n: This is a super late birthday fic for be_ddelusionall (I'm sorry bb! I got caught in stuff and yeah...really sorry for the super long wait). I haven't write anything this love for a loooong time so I bet there's lots of grammar errors- but please bear with me.
I'm suppose to post this last week but it was hectic and we're on school holiday (not that I'm on holiday). I actually finished this about a month ago but I was super lazy and I forgot how to post a fic...XD
The snow was pouring continuously, even if it was little snowflakes, but it got stuck and melted away like rain. His eyes caught a sight of a bright red umbrella trotting down among other umbrellas but at a much slower pace. Maybe because of that, when it arrived at the traffic light, the umbrella wielder was the first person he tried to see. He did not know if it’s because of the umbrella or maybe it was because of the street light that was starting to light and shining above the person that all he could think of was angels and maybe that angels don’t have wings like people believe they had- they probably used umbrellas to fly; like Mary Poppins did.
He sat there admiring the long fringes that framed the chaste face- pale with red splayed across her cheeks and lips. Her warm scarf wrapped tightly around her neck and he was convinced that she must be a walking mannequin because no one could breathe bundled up like that. He was too consumed in watching her that he did not notice when a person came and kissed her, pulling her into a tight hug at the same time. He stared at the person who could possibly be her boyfriend because she was swatting at him with a playful smile and he could see how her eyes twinkled…which somehow shunned all the other lights around her.
It could possibly be a joke the heaven was playing on him because less than ten minutes later, he found himself sitting across her with her excited looking boyfriend smiling sheepishly at him. He could feel her eyes on him and somehow it felt like they were the only ones there. She leaned in to her boyfriend and whispered something that he guessed was something about him since the next thing he knew was Changmin nudging his elbows, snapping him out of his staring contest. He glanced at his junior, raising an eyebrow.
“I believe staring isn’t a good manner, Jaejoong-hyung,” Changmin said with a smirk.
“Since when am I one with good manners?” he retorted but bit his tongue when he saw a small smile on her face. She turned to her boyfriend and smiled widely. “And I believe that we’re meeting your boyfriend and not this lovey-dovey duo, aren’t we?” he huffed, taking a sip of his coffee, darting his eyes away.
“We’re not a couple,” a low and deep manly voiced said. Jaejoong’s eyes stilled and he could feel the seconds ticked away as he met the eyes of the owner. Somehow they were in another staring contest again but it felt like the gaze he was trying to hold was boring a hole in him. “Junsu is my best friend and I’m here to meet his boyfriend. But I don’t believe it’s you, am I right?” he continued and Jaejoong felt like he was in junior high and was ordered to back off by the person he looked up to- part of him rebelling while another part of him was condoning.
“Chunnie-ya, Jaejoong-ssi is Changmin’s senior at work and you remember I told you about how great of a doctor he is?” The guy who he thought was the boyfriend took his best friend’s face and turned it towards him. “Don’t be so worked out, Chunnie,” he said, his thumbs drawing circles on his friend’s cheeks.
Changmin leaned in and whispered quietly, “Remember my boyfriend I told you about? That’s him and his best friend.”
“I didn’t know best friends have those kinds of kindling moment too.” Jaejoong mocked. “Plus is he a he-she? Because I swear he looks like a girl,” Jaejoong smirked smugly.
“To tell you the truth, he’s my patient. Junsu just loves to doll him up and I swear the first time I saw him…I was rather shocked too. He looks better than the usual pretty girls we meet in the club,” Changmin smiled. He glanced over to see a pout on Junsu’s face. He gestured for Changmin to come over, so the tall lad rose and walked over, crouching where Junsu gestured him too.
“I knew it. I knew it when Junsu asked about you.” The guy named Yoochun was smirking, yet it looked cute on him.
“Yoochun wants to see how handsome you are, would you mind if he sees you?” Junsu asked; eyes bright with delight.
“Sure, baby.” Junsu guided Yoochun’s hands onto Changmin’s face and let them roam about his boyfriend’s face.
“Now you believe me Chunnie?” he asked when he saw a smile on Yoochun’s face.
“You’re too handsome, too brilliant and too good for him, Dr Shim, I don’t think he deserves you,” Yoochun said playfully, waving his eyes as if to brush Junsu off. Junsu lightly smacked his shoulder and nuzzled Changmin’s nose, leaving butterfly kisses on his boyfriend’s face. Yoochun smiled fondly as if he knew what was going on and shoved Junsu’s shoulder bit when he felt that Junsu was not going to stop his action anytime soon. “I think we have another guest here, Junsu, don’t leave him behind,” Yoochun gestured towards Jaejoong.
“I think it’s the other way round there, Yoochun-ssi, I’m very much aware of what is happening around me,” Jaejoong commented. Somehow, whatever this beautiful sightless man before him says triggered a snarky comment from him and he couldn’t help but retort.
“Hmm…well you can also see that I am not able to see isn’t it?” Yoochun asked, he was dancing on the verge of breaking his own heart again and he could feel the pounding of his heart waiting the inconsolable truth that he’s been painting on his walls.
“I don’t know what you want me to say to your question, but for someone as beautiful as you, cutting your own wrist to rid of the pain in your heart is heartbreaking…especially for the people who love you.” Jaejoong studied the frown that formed on Yoochun’s face and wondered if he was hurt by his comment. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
“For someone who doesn’t even know me…you sure know which button to press.” Yoochun stood as soon as he finished talking and grab his umbrella, a bell attached to the holster making its tinkling sound as the young man slowly made his way out of the coffee shop. Junsu soon followed the trail left by his best friend after saying a few words to Changmin and bowing slightly to Jaejoong. And Jaejoong…sat rooted there for the next hour until his phone was flashing with a call from the hospital.
~
“It shouldn’t have been that way,” Jaejoong said as a greeting when he saw the person who was constantly on his mind for the past few weeks. He was finally out of his weekly tagging routine which he volunteered after he couldn’t stand being within his home and not think of the person he met at the coffee shop. Changmin had left a message to him to meet up at the lobby after he finished his shift but as his eyes roamed the room, he saw the source of his constant concern sitting in the waiting area near the medicine counter. His breath left his lungs when the person raised his head with eyes steady on him.
“Like I said, you sure do know how to press a button in me,” Yoochun smiled. Jaejoong wondered what was it that he did for the past few days which were noble enough that the heaven was happy with him.
He cleared his throat and said, “You were the one who light a bulb in my head and won’t stop shining even when I close my eyes.” He looked away, embarrassed. Somehow it was a confession of how he feels about this person who he had never known before and yet it felt so right to feel so.
“For someone as snarky as you, I’ve expected a tough resistance and a bloody mess for you to get your feelings out,” Yoochun shifted his foot and shoved his hand into his warm jacket. He was bundled up in a bright sunny jacket that Junsu bought him and Jaejoong wondered how skinny he really was without all the thick clothes.
“For someone who couldn’t see…how do you manage to see through me?” Jaejoong shuffled closer and carefully secure a hand on the shoulder of the man, gently guiding him to stand and walked him across the hallway. “Were you mad at me? I didn’t mean any harm, I just merely stating what I felt,” Jaejoong said silently, leading them to the hospital’s small café. He lightly pushed the young man’s shoulder to sit and he obliged willingly.
“I know you didn’t. All the people that I’ve met before were either too afraid to know me or tried to know me out of pity. No one ever dared to say something like that to me and…frankly; I didn’t know how or why you said the thing that I wanted to hear the most since I got blind.” Somehow, Yoochun caught Jaejoong staring at him again because the latter did not say a word for what seems a long stretch of time. “Will you quit staring and start ordering? I need some hot coffee to warm up,” he continued, feeling that Jaejoong still had not snapped out of his trance.
“Ah, sure.” Jaejoong went to order and it was a silent five minutes when he felt Jaejoong settled down across from him again, a mug filled with coffee placed in the crack between his barely touching fingers. They sat there in silence as if Jaejoong was trying to find words to say to him.
“How did you lose your sight? Did it hurt, when you know you can’t see? Have you tried to do something stupid? Do you still remember that day? How long were you scared?” Jaejoong sounded too curious and nervous and concerned that it makes Yoochun smiled. Why would a stranger who barely knows him, who possibly do not know his full name or his age nor who he really is even bother to know the tragedy that changed his life? And to be sincerely concerned of him, Yoochun could not understand.
“Tell me one reason I should answer all of your questions,” Yoochun said, hands clasping his mug of coffee tightly..
“Tell me why I can’t get you out of my mind. Tell me why I wanted to know all about you. And why when I know you can’t see me, all I could see was you…” Jaejoong bit his lower lip, feeling vulnerable for the first time in his life- he never confessed to anyone before since he was always the one receiving confessions and to top it all, he had to do it daily when he was in high school and college. It was the first time he felt the feeling of butterflies eating his insides to fly freely in his stomach. Maybe…because I’ve fallen in love with you.
“Fine, buy me lunch and we’ll talk.” Yoochun said behind his cup of coffee, hiding the blush that he knew would be creeping down his neck in seconds.
~
A year later.
“Do I look like a girl again today?” Yoochun touched the knot of the scarf tied around his neck. He could feel Junsu pouting at him as he hurried to get his shoes on.
“You never complained about that before!” Junsu pulled open the door as Yoochun exited.
“I did! Remember how many times I was hit on on the street when I was waiting for you?” Yoochun felt around to press the elevator button. The door clinked open and seconds later gentle hands wrap around his waist.
“Hey there beautiful.” A kiss was pressed onto his lips and he responded readily. When the kiss ended, the person said loudly, “That is so dangerous! How can you just kiss anyone so willingly? What if some lunatic comes and grab you and give you a messy French kiss? Will you respond to that too?” Junsu laughed as he shoved his two friends into the elevator.
“Actually that did happen before.” Yoochun answered thoughtfully, his long slender fingers playing with his plump lower lips. Beside him, his boyfriend’s eyes were bulging out of his socket.
“WHAT?!!”
“That was how I met Yunho actually. He was drunk and was hitting on me and thought I was a girl. This guy over here didn’t come on time and I was nearly raped on the bench outside of the club!” Yoochun poked his fingers into what he assumed to be Junsu’s ass.
“Hey stop that! Well….you knew I cannot get out until I finished clearing up the costumes…. At least we know that he’s straight, though it is kind of a shame since he has such a gorgeous body. Don’t worry Jaejoong, Yunho is our buddy now, he felt sorry for mistaking Yoochun for a girl that has no boobs though,” Junsu finished his defense with his trademark laugh and led the way as the elevator clinked and opened. They walked across the small lobby to the awaiting car outside with Changmin behind its wheel.
“You’re ready Chunnie?” Changmin asked as the three climbed into the car. Yoochun squirmed slightly and smiled. He nodded and let out a quiet ‘yeah’.
“You’re still nervous?” Jaejoong asked as Changmin drove out of the apartment’s main entrance.
“He didn’t sleep last night.” Junsu supplied, turning back to look at Yoochun. Yoochun swallowed the tightness in his throat.
“We’re talking about having someone’s corneas being put to my eyes…the person is dead and I’m supposed to be happy to have my sight back?” He asked; the matter still incredulous no matter how many times he thought about it.
“We’ve talked about this before didn’t we?” Jaejoong squeezed his hands, trying to give assurance of how the idea will be a good thing.
“I’m just…well, I’m happy with what I have now. I have you…I have Junsu and Changmin. But now, I’m taking something off someone whom I didn’t even know to add to my already perfect world; don’t you think it’s selfish?” Yoochun asked again, the thought bothered him since the first time Changmin suggested the idea. It grew stronger once they’ve learnt about a sudden donor the day before and he was supposed to have it implanted as soon as possible.
“But Yoochun, you’ve compensate enough, don’t you think? I know how you feel about paying for what you take, but you’ve trade in your home and family and even your sight and for the past ten years you lived with nothing. Don’t you think it’s fair to get at least one of what you lost, back?” Junsu argued. Yoochun had been living with his family ever since Yoochun lost everything he had in the fire that took away all Yoochun’s possession. He knew every single thing about his best friend and had taken the responsibility to care for him in every way possible.
“Maybe you shouldn’t think of this like you’re taking something off from an unknown person, instead think of it as a gift. A gift for all the good deeds you’ve done for the past years.” Changmin added in, trying to sound reasonable.
“But…” Yoochun trailed off, his hands were gently patted by Jaejoong’s calming ones as Jaejoong wrapped his arm around him.
“You had been a good friend, a good neighbor, a good citizen. You’ve been an excellent boyfriend. In my life, you’re my gift, Yoochun. I don’t know what I’ll be if I didn’t meet you. That day, when I saw you on the street, I thought I was hallucinating and all I did to you was hurt your feelings.”
“Yes. You’ve turned the cold blooded doctor into a human. That’s your greatest deed!” Changmin chipped in; his voice full of teasing sarcasm.
“I didn’t do anything…”
“You did everything. You changed me. You taught me how to be strong in life. How it’s always fair for everyone even when you’re lacking in every way possible. I hate myself when I look at you…” Jaejoong stopped to bit back a sob. “I don’t know why, when it’s you, I become a selfish bastard instead. Half of me didn’t want you to have your sight back because if you can see again, then you’ll probably leave me for a better person. I just…I just can’t bear thinking that you’ll be seeing how great other people are and how lacking I am.”
“Who are you and what did you do to my Jaejoong?” Yoochun said, pushing Jaejoong’s thigh away even when his own eyes were welling up. “I have an over confident, attractive and brilliant man as a boyfriend, who are you? Why are you being emotional when I’m supposed to be the crybaby?”
“Well I guess… his pride shattered when all he does in his spare time isn’t making up plans to be the greatest surgeon… but a better boyfriend instead.” Jaejoong took Yoochun into his embrace and held him close to his heart. “I want you to have your sight back and see me like I did the first time I saw you. I want you to be able to see how great of a person you are and…and if it’s possible be an ever greater person.” Yoochun could feel the tremble running through Jaejoong’s body as his lover sobbed silently. It was his first time to understand how much Jaejoong cared for him. He spent the first few months of their dates getting Jaejoong to break his shell of defense made of sharp tongue and cold shoulder.
“I know I love you for a reason.” Yoochun said silently as he could feel the car stopped completely.
“I thought you don’t need a reason to love someone.” Jaejoong asked.
“Well that’s just an excuse when you ask me why I love you.” Yoochun smiled as he let Jaejoong helped him out of the car.
“What’s your reason for loving me?” Jaejoong whispered as he guided him to the awaiting wheelchair, unable to hide his curiosity. They’ve been dating for over a year and Yoochun had never said why he loved him.
“I want to tell you when I’m looking into your eyes.” Yoochun smiled and gave Jaejoong a lingering kiss before sitting on the wheelchair to be wheeled away by the attendant.
~
It was a short operation but Jaejoong felt like it was far longer than any operation he
had ever observed or assisted. He could not keep his eyes from looking at the operation room and kept pacing the small corridor in agitation.
“If you’re worried, you should’ve gone inside with Changmin.” Junsu patted his shoulder, handing a hot coffee.
“I don’t think I can bear seeing him on the operation table.”
“Why? Have you guys ever done anything naughty on it?” Junsu’s sense of humor puzzled Jaejoong and the young doctor raised an eyebrow in question.
“Forget I said that,” Junsu blushed but Jaejoong was immediately distracted as the door of the operation theater suddenly opened and Changmin walked out. His smile was wide as he pulled down his operation masked.
“How was it?” Jaejoong and Junsu echoed each other and Changmin laughed a bit.
“It went incredibly smooth. Nothing major occurred and he’ll be wheeled out in a minute.” As soon as he said so, the light of the sign turned off and Yoochun was silently wheeled out of the operation room. The three guys followed the trip back to Yoochun’s room, but Jaejoong’s cell phone flashed again- the second time after a quick call half an hour ago-a call from the hospital.
“I need to go,” he said as he checked his phone, a message requiring an immediate attention regarding his recent patient. “I don’t think I could be here if I have to go to the operation theater. Please tell Yoochun that I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when he wakes up,” he squeezed Yoochun’s hand and kissed his temple. Jaejoong gave Junsu a quick hug and throw a thankful glance over to Changmin. “Thanks guys, I don’t think I could handle this alone,” he smiled gratefully and took his exit.
The steady beat of the heart moderator filled the quiet room as Junsu took a sit beside Yoochun’s bed and held the stilled hands lovingly. “Thank you, Changmin….I never thought there’ll be a day when Yoochun’s eyes started reflecting his feelings again.” He looked over to his lover, his chest tight with unspoken emotions. Changmin settled beside Junsu, pulling his lover’s shoulder gently towards his, caressing the tension out of Junsu. There was a comfortable silence before Junsu spoke up again.
“You know…I’ve requested a lot of times before for the cornea donation, and four years ago, I did get Chunnie a donor, but he refused. Nothing I did could change his mind. I lost count of the times when he was depressed yet he hid it from everyone, including me. Chunnie had never lost his temper towards anyone, especially strangers, but I could see he was annoyed when people pitied him. When he first met you, he said you were the first doctor who didn’t show any unneeded sympathy towards him, and he was thankful for that…” Junsu looked up from the embrace with a smile. He settled his head against Changmin’s shoulder, basking in the warmth from the young doctor. “Chunnie changed drastically in the past one year. After he met Jaejoong, he was everything he wasn’t before. Jaejoong was the main reason he changed his mind…” He turned his head to look into Changmin’s eyes. “Sometimes, I felt jealous over the fact that Jaejoong means more to him than me.” Junsu smiled bitterly, his hand reached out to caress Changmin’s cheek. “You know…I loved him more than a friend, more than a brother. My love to him once was like of mine to yours now. But he said he wasn’t good enough for me. He said that he couldn’t do anything for me. He broke my heart when he said he couldn’t love me the way I did, but he promised he’ll bring me a better love…then he led me to you.” Junsu smiled, his tear stained cheek shining in the dim room.
“He did. I am thankful for that. He let us meet and be happy and I can never be thankful enough to him for that.” Changmin closed the distance between them and reassured Junsu of his love towards him.
~
It was nearly midnight when Jaejoong finished a sudden operation that was rolled in from the trauma unit. He cursed silently when he saw the clock and deftly made his way towards the on-call room to have a quick bath before checking on his lover.
He nodded at the head nurse of the ward and pushed opened the door of the dark room. Junsu was sleeping on the only sofa in the room so Jaejoong sat on a guest chair on the other side of Yoochun. Yoochun’s black hair was pinned back, revealing his wide forehead. Jaejoong smiled as there were eyes drawn on Yoochun’s covered ones. He’ll have a fit if he knew that. ,
Yoochun was sound asleep but Jaejoong didn’t mind. He himself was too tired to even do anything else but he had wanted to be there with Yoochun. He was not sure about his feelings anymore. He knew the moment Yoochun said he would undergo the operation he would be facing a Yoochun who could see how he looks and behave. He wondered a thousand of times before if it would make Yoochun fell out of love with him. What if he despises the way I look? What if he sees all the bad things I did? What if he hates the way I am?
The questions had never been so stressful to him. All his life, he had never had any problem; in love or in his career. Apart from his career, he was okay with his love life, he did not give a damn about whoever he sleeps with- that is if he feels needed to satisfy his sexual needs. Meeting Yoochun had been the turning point in his life and he knew that after their first encounter. He confirmed the theory after they met again a few weeks later, his heart somehow tagging at his mind over the beautiful sightless man who seems to see everything about him.
Yoochun turned in his sleep to settle on his side, his face towards Jaejoong with a slight frown on his forehead. Jaejoong could not help but gently brushed his palm on Yoochun’s forehead. He had never thought he would fall for someone like Yoochun, though if he thinks about it, Yoochun was everything he had wanted his other half to be. Yoochun understands him better than anyone, and somehow he felt like Yoochun had conquered his soul- he would never be complete without him.
“Jaejoong?” Yoochun’s voice was rough and deep, his hand started to grab about. Jaejoong immediately hold his hand, and with a hushed voice, whispered, “I’m here Yoochun.” Yoochun’s right hand went to touch his wrapped eyes and he let out a sigh.
“Jaejoong?” His voice hushed as he silently tugged on his lover’s hand. “Lay down with me?” he scooted backwards till he felt his back touch the safety bar Junsu had raised earlier. Jaejoong smiled and carefully climbed up on the hospital bed.
“It isn’t safe you know, this bed isn’t made for two.” He joked as he scooped Yoochun’s head to settle on his forearm and wrapped his other arm around Yoochun’s waist, bringing their body closer and tangling their legs together. Yoochun chuckled and playfully beat Jaejoong’s chest.
“Silly! You’ve been saying about having something more aggressive on this bed but how can we do that if it couldn’t hold the both of us?” He turned his face from Jaejoong’s chest and smiled. “I love it when you hold me… But somehow, I feel like a girl when we cuddle like this.”
“You’re way better than any girl….I never held anyone like I hold you.” Jaejoong whispered, their distance was too close and Yoochun’s lips were just a couple of inches away. Yoochun snuggled closer; his arms wiggled their way through Jaejoong’s scrubs, seeking warmth from his back and his nose was touching Jaejoong’s neck.
“I don’t know how I feel anymore, Jaejoong-ah…” Yoochun’s whisper tugged at Jaejoong’s heart. Yoochun had always had the direct connection with his heart and emotions and seeing such a vulnerable Yoochun had always raised the protectiveness and possessiveness in him.
“It’s okay Chunnie. It’s okay not to know about it.”
“What if I change after I can see, what will happen to us?”
“We will still be the same. I will still be here for you.”
“What if you hate the way I change and…and… you don’t want me anymore? What should I do?” Yoochun was sobbing, his hand clinging desperately to Jaejoong’s chest.
“That, baby, will never happen.” Jaejoong crushed Yoochun to his chest, trying to will the shudder that overwhelmed him, the feeling of how he hope Yoochun would not push him away instead. Yoochun continued trembling in his arm as tiredness and fatigue threw out their final warning before he eventually drifted off to sleep.
“Chunnie-ya, how can I leave you when you have my heart?”
~
Junsu woke up when he heard the bustle of the morning rounds. He turned and stretch in the comfort of the sofa, relishing the soreness of his arm muscles and opened his eyes to a dangerously-snuggling Jaejoong and Yoochun. He quickly went over to wake Jaejoong up before Yoochun could roll from his side and off the safety bar to land straight onto the floor. Jaejoong woke up quickly and together with Junsu pulled the sheets to safety.
“Thanks Junsu.” Jaejoong smiled genuinely to one of his best friend. His friendship with Junsu was based on the foundation of similar passion-caring for Yoochun. He knew how Junsu had felt for Yoochun before, but it had never altered the feelings he had for Yoochun because he knew how Junsu feels about Yoochun now. Junsu have him a warm hug, and he knew that they shared the same nervous feeling that awaits them that day.
When Changmin walked in with his senior to check on Yoochun, Yoochun was already up and laughing with Junsu. Jaejoong left after an early breakfast for his morning rounds in the orthopedic ward and Junsu was left in charge to accompany Yoochun. After a brief check up, Dr Kang concluded that Yoochun could take off his wrap immediately.
“Can I wait till Dr Kim gets here?” Yoochun asked hopefully.
“I just paged him, he’s coming here.” Changmin informed and right at that moment the door was hurriedly pushed open and a breathless Jaejoong rushed in. He mumbled a rushed hello and bowed respectfully towards Dr Kang to settle beside Changmin, but Yoochun shifted and made a space behind him, patting it as if asking Jaejoong to come over. Jaejoong shuffled to the bed and sat behind Yoochun.
“I’m taking off your wrap now, okay Mr Park?” Yoochun nodded silently and he felt skilled hands of Dr Kang deftly unhooked the latch on his wrap. The layers of bandage came undone smoothly onto his hands and he could feel his heart racing. He could feel warmth and then, there was no more bandages left to be unwrapped and he could only wait till he opened his eyes. He let his eyes adjust to the new feeling and suddenly there’s a light behind his lids that he had not seen in a long time. When he finally did open his eyes there was the blinding light that forced him to squeeze his eyes shut again. His hand automatically shot up to rub his eyes, but he felt Jaejoong’s gentle hands blocking it, securing it in his pair of hands instead.
“You just had a surgery, Mr Park, it’s best not to start by rubbing your eyes yet,” Dr Kang said soothingly. “Try blinking, the blinding light would go away eventually.” Yoochun did as he was asked and the light faded. He could feel his eyes started to focus and what he assumed to be Dr Kang’s face came in view.
“Hi. I’m sorry to be the first person you would see Mr Park, but I was the supervising doctor for your surgery yesterday, Kang Dong Won. I’ll just need to make another quick test and I’ll get going.” Dr Kang lighted up a small torchlight and focus randomly over Yoochun’s eyes and they followed the light eagerly. He took note and did another test to end his report.
“I think that’s all. I’ll see you again later then,” Dr Kang stood and walked out of the room.
Yoochun’s eyes followed the trail of Dr Kang until he realized that there were others in the room. He looked over to a figure right beside him.
“Junsu…” he managed to say before Junsu stood and gave him a tight hug. Junsu was crying and he could feel Junsu trembling in his arms.
“Yoochun-ah…Chun-ah…” Junsu kept calling his name and Yoochun could not stop the tears rolling out of his eyes as he half hugged his best friend.
“:Junsu, stop choking Yoochun.” After a moment, Junsu let go with red rimmed eyes that were still watery with tears. Yoochun wiped his cheeks as he looked over to a tall and handsome doctor in his white coat.
“Dr Shim Changmin!” He said while throwing his hands around the figure that enveloped him with a bear hug.
“Nice to see me?” Changmin said playfully while letting go of his friend and patient.
“Very.” Yoochun replied, letting his tears run freely down his the slope of his cheeks.
“You cried too much.” Jaejoong’s voice breezed through him and Yoochun immediately stilled. He closed his eyes and willed the tears away. He could feel the bed shifted and the spot in front of him dipped slightly.
“You won’t look at me?” Jaejoong’s voice was strained as if he was willing back tears. Yoochun opened his eyes but he lowered them so the first thing he saw was Jaejoong’s lap. His eyes followed Jaejoong’s hands that cupped his cheeks and he silently bit his lower lip, slowly dragging his eyes to follow the contour of Jaejoong’s chest to finally see him. When their eyes met, both let out a breathy gasp. Yoochun’s hand was trembling as he touched Jaejoong’s cheek, gently caressing the soft skin. He wiped away the tears that were flowing down, pulling him close to kiss the corner of his lover’s eyes.
“Don’t cry baby,” Yoochun whispered as his other hand pulled Jaejoong’s waist closer, feeling the warmth of his lover’s body.
“I’m…I’m not crying,” Jaejoong choked out. He shook his head and blinked rapidly to conceal his tears. Yoochun smiled at Jaejoong’s denial, loving how childish his lover could be. He lifted Jaejoong’s face to meet his eyes with a smile tugging on his lips. His eyes wander, checking the details of his lover’s face. He knew his lover would be a beautiful man but seeing him up-close was unbelievable. His breath came out in short burst as his heart constricted with the realization of seeing the person who had his heart. The person who had broken his shell of defense and even make him do something he would never thought he would.
“Do you know how much I love you?” he asked quietly. Jaejoong nodded once.
“You have my everything now…I…” he trailed off, thinking of the best way to voice out his feelings yet nothing came out. Jaejoong’s hand came up and wiped the tears that pooled at the edge of his eyes.
“Why do you love me Chunnie?” Jaejoong’s eyes were searching the depths of his lover’s eyes. No matter how many times he tried to read it before, he failed miserably. But, as he was seeing it now, words just couldn’t express the feelings it emitted.
“Because it’s you.” Yoochun whispered, smiling amidst the tears.
“Then don’t ever doubt my love for you. I’ll always be yours.” Jaejoong closed the few inches between them, relishing in the sweet kisses. One of the few things that Yoochun had always wanted to do if he ever could see again was to kiss Jaejoong with eyes wide open, and seeing how those beautiful eyes reacted.
It was overflowing with love just the way he had hoped for.