FIC: Highly Unlikely (Guiding Light)
Title: Highly Unlikely
Author: rysler
Date: Cinco de Mayo!
Fandom: Guiding Light, Otalia
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Just another origin story. Some missing scenes from late 2008 to mid 2009, some deviations, some courtship, some hurt/comfort, lots of Rafe and Olivia. Namely, Rafe does not go to prison until after Olivia's fall relapse and Natalia's promotion.
Notes: 4000 words
All credit goes to my darling Jaina for this one. But read it anyway. Be brave!
* * *
September 2008
Rafe pushed open the hospital room door. Natalia sat on the far side of Olivia's bed, gazing at her. Olivia slept. Natalia had a legal pad in her lap, a briefcase by her chair, and as Rafe got closer he could hear her murmuring.
"...unplugged the mini fridges in all but the golden ten suites. If guests want them they can still plug them in, but this will save..."
Hearing his mother talk about business, in this tiny, gross hospital room irritated him. The cause of it was in that hospital bed.
"If you had a leaner operation, you'd be able to..."
"Ma."
Natalia stopped and looked over her shoulder. Her face broke into a smile. "Hi, Rafe."
"She's asleep. Why are you telling her all that stuff?"
"Osmosis." Natalia turned back to Olivia, giving her the same fond look she'd given Rafe. His stomach twisted.
He scoffed.
"I know. But she doesn't listen when she's awake, so I thought I'd try it."
"Ma, you can't spend all your time here with a--a sick woman. You've gotta get out."
"I like it here."
"How can you like it here?"
Natalia frowned, glancing between them. She bit her lip.
He rolled his eyes. "Look--"
"But you're right." Natalia stood up, stuffing her pad into the briefcase. "I do need to get out of here. Run a few errands."
He nodded.
"You'll have to watch her."
"What?"
She brushed past him and through the door. "Just for a little while. I don't want her to wake up alone."
"Why not?"
But Natalia was gone. He glanced at the closed door and tried not to think about the bed behind him. "Ma!"
"It's okay," a feeble voice from behind him said. "I didn't wake up alone. I woke up from all your racket."
He turned, angry, and threw himself into the chair Natalia vacated, and looked at Olivia hard. Her eyes were barely open. She was pale--as pale as he'd ever seen her--just like after the accident. His chest tightened. He didn't want to go back.
"Rafe?"
He crossed his arms.
She rolled her head in his direction. "You don't have to stay."
As if he'd do what she said. Over his mother's wishes.
"So. How's school?"
"Fuck you, Olivia," he said.
She nodded nearly imperceptibly. "Can I have some water?"
He glanced around, then went to the sink and got a plastic cup and filled it and brought it back to her. Her hand shook, even reaching up, so he held his around hers, around the cup, while she drank.
"Thank you, Rafe," she said.
"It's not Perrier."
She met his eyes, smiling, and something danced in them. He pulled away. She lowered the empty cup to her lap.
"I passed, all right?" he said. "High school diploma. Not even a GED."
"Great. Ready to wash dishes at the Beacon?"
He snorted. "I'm supposed to go to college."
She tilted her head. "Are you going to go to college, Rafe?"
"Ma didn't. And now she's a maid."
"She's my assistant, and she could have gotten there a lot faster--" Olivia stopped, pursing her lips.
"If it weren't for me."
"Rafe, look at this place. She'd rather have you."
"Would you be a maid, and have Emma?"
"In a heartbeat. Sometime I'll have to tell you about Emma's first two years. Rafe."
He closed his eyes. He hated that tone. Olivia's paternalistic tone. As if she had any right.
"Everything I do--this hotel, everything--I do for my child. My children. Natalia's the same way. And we wouldn't rather be moguls or presidents or something." Her voice was raspy. He moved to get another glass of water, avoiding her gaze.
"Rafe."
He sighed and turned around. It hurt to look at her.
"We'd rather be dead."
He took the water closer, looking down at her. Her eyes were like fire. He put his hand on her forehead. Hot to the touch. He gave her the water.
"You being a punk-ass little shit doesn't change that," she said.
"Look, Olivia, she'll get married and have another kid and it'll be, like." He wiped his hands on his jeans.
"Perfect?" She looked toward a framed picture of Ava and Emma, propped up beside the bed. They were hugging each other and laughing at the camera.
"Yeah," he said.
She looked back at him. "You are so young. And so stupid. And so--" She rubbed her forehead. "Irritating. But if you go to college, I'll pay for it. And if you go to jail, I'll get you the best lawyer I know. And if you--"
"So she'll take care of you? She's not yours, Olivia."
"That's not why--" She stopped, looking past him, at the door.
Natalia slid in. She held a paper bag. "Hey, you two. You look better, Olivia. You've got some color in your cheeks. Have you been arguing?"
"No," Rafe said.
"Yes," Olivia said. "Isn't that why you brought him in here? A taste of the punishment I'd get if I didn't go along with your refrigerator deal?"
Natalia smiled, brushing hair away from Olivia's face. "Something like that."
Olivia smirked at Rafe. "You were used."
"You're an asshole." He left, slamming the door.
"Rafe!"
Olivia put her hand on Natalia's wrist. "It's okay. We were talking about his future." She coughed.
"We need to be talking about your future."
"You know where the will is. It's--"
"The good kind, Olivia."
Olivia met her eyes, looking sad. Natalia smoothed her cheek.
"The near future?" Olivia asked. "Do I smell lo mein?"
"Do I get to save the Beacon $500 a year in electricity costs?"
"You think too small." Olivia reached for the paper bag.
Natalia held it out of her grasp.
"Fine," Olivia said. "It's a start."
* * *
January 2009
Rafe didn't open his eyes, but he became aware of Olivia near him. Her scent, at least. The subtle spiciness that must have come from some perfume straight from India. Something to draw the men in. Like moths. He'd occasionally caught the scent coming from Natalia, a sign that she spent too much time with Olivia, that Olivia was always with them. Like a slow gas leak.
He chuckled.
"Rafe?"
Her voice held worry. Was he that sick? He tried to open his eyes. She came into hazy view. He wet his lips. "You look terrible."
"At least I can stand." She touched his face. "What's so funny?"
"You're like poison, you know? In our family."
"Not you?" Her tone was jovial.
"I wasn't in prison before I met you."
"You were in juvie."
"Oh yeah. Good point."
She smiled.
He smiled back. Then glanced past her. "Where's Ma?"
"She's on her way. She was further away than I was."
"How sick am I?"
"You'll live. She probably doesn't need to come."
"Then she shouldn't--"
Olivia leaned closer. "It's easier to get into see you when you're in the infirmary. How visitor's hours work."
He met her gaze.
She patted his forehead.
"Olivia."
"Yeah?"
"You have to take care of her."
"I will, Rafe."
"No, I mean. It's like--remember when you were in the hospital?"
"Every time."
"She's hurting. You can't see it on the outside, because she hides it. Doesn't want anyone to see her like that."
"Not an attention whore?"
He almost smiled again. "But I know. And you know. Treat her like--Like--"
Olivia gripped his hand. "I will."
"Rafe!" Natalia flew in, followed by a guard.
"Hands off the prisoner," the guard said.
"Stick a fork in it," Olivia said.
Natalia hugged and kissed her son, pressing him, squirming, against the infirmary bed, then glanced at Olivia. "What are you--Sit down."
Olivia opened her mouth, glanced at Rafe, then closed it and sat down.
Rafe smirked.
"Rafe, you have to be careful," Natalia said, kissing his face again.
"I will--I'm fine. Gross, stop."
"I'm serious," she said. There were tears in her eyes. In her voice. In her hands, cupping his jaw.
"All right," Olivia said. "Spend some time with your felon son, then take me home."
Natalia gave Olivia a sharp glance.
"I agree with Olivia," Rafe said.
Natalia looked back at Rafe.
"Really, I'm fine. Now that I've gotten to see my family. It keeps me going."
"Oh, Rafe."
"Go with Olivia, Ma."
Olivia pointed at Rafe. "I'm doing this for you."
Natalia looked somewhat afraid.
* * *
"I hate this," Natalia said. Somewhere between the car and the living room, Olivia had started supporting her and now Olivia was depositing her on the couch. "I have to get back to work."
"You're not going back to work today."
Natalia looked up. "Olivia."
"I'll call. I'm not going back, either."
"I can't take advantage just because I--"
"Know the boss? I insist. Take advantage of me."
Natalia gave a tiny smile. "It's not just that. If I sit here, I'll just dwell. Rafe is in prison. I'm--I hate it. I'm so alone, Olivia."
Olivia sat next to her and pulled her into an embrace. Natalia sagged, grateful for the warmth and the steady, reassuring sound of Gus's heartbeat. But it didn't make her feel less alone. Olivia shifted and Natalia found the TV remote in her hand.
"Watch something mindless," Olivia said. "I have to run out. Just for a little while."
"Mindless?"
"Public access. Maybe Doris has a special message."
Natalia sucked in her cheeks.
Olivia got up, squeezing her shoulder. "Promise me you will not move from this couch."
"Olivia--"
"Or else."
Natalia's gaze narrowed. "Or else?"
"No dessert," Olivia said.
Natalia raised her eyebrows.
Olivia darted for the door.
* * *
Natalia was asleep on the couch when Olivia returned. Nickelodeon flickered on the television. Olivia went back into the kitchen to cook.
When she returned again, carrying a tray, Natalia had roused and was sitting mostly upright, blinking sleepily at the television, which was now showing the news.
Olivia set the tray on the coffee table.
"You made me soup?"
"Taste it."
Natalia picked up a spoon. "Wait, where are you going?"
"Coffee."
"Coffee." Natalia dipped the spoon into the soup.
When Olivia came back again, Natalia had the bowl in one hand, near her lips.
"Going to lick the bowl?"
"Maybe. This is the best tomato soup I've ever eaten."
"I know."
"It's just soup, Olivia. How did you do that?"
"I'm not going to tell you my secrets."
"You always tell me your secrets."
"Have some coffee." Olivia took the bowl and put the mug into Natalia's hands, then turned toward the kitchen.
"Don't go."
"Cleaning."
"Don't--Just sit."
Olivia sat.
Natalia patted her thigh. Olivia smiled, watching her take a sip of coffee. Natalia's eyes widened.
"Is this spiked?"
"Lil' bit."
"Olivia."
"Take another sip."
Natalia shook her head.
"Please?"
Natalia looked at the mug.
"Okay, but you'll wish you had." Olivia got up and went into the kitchen.
"Would you stop--"
The microwave beeped. Natalia listened to shuffling sounds, and sipped her coffee, and felt a little more relaxed.
Olivia came back with a single, jumbo, ripe strawberry with chocolate cooling on its skin.
"Dessert."
Natalia put the coffee mug down, nearly gasping. "No, I can't eat that. It's a sin."
"You can."
"Where's yours?"
Olivia shrugged and sat back down, putting her feet up on the coffee table.
"Olivia."
"Just try it. Maybe it'll suck."
Natalia sat back, settling against Olivia until Olivia put an arm around her shoulders. Then she took a careful bite of the strawberry, tearing nearly a third of the flesh away.
Olivia held her breath.
"Oh, my God," Natalia said.
"See?"
"Try it." Natalia pushed the plate at Olivia's chin.
"No, it's for you."
"Please?"
Olivia frowned.
Natalia gave her a cherubic smile.
Olivia took the strawberry stem with her free hand.
"Thank you," Natalia said, shifting to watch Olivia in profile.
Olivia bit into the strawberry, chewed, and then set the plate on the coffee table. She turned back and Natalia hugged her.
"Thank you," Natalia said.
Olivia rubbed her shoulders, but didn't say anything.
Natalia put her cheek against Olivia's chest. "I feel better."
"Me too. But--"
"But?" Natalia lifted her head.
Olivia cupped her head and pulled it back down. "There's one more thing." She glanced at the clock on the television.
The kitchen door slammed and there was a patter of feet.
Olivia grinned.
"I'm home!" Emma flew into the room. "Mommy, Natalia! You're home, too! Why?"
"We took the day off work, sweetie. We wanted to see you," Olivia said.
Before Natalia could move Emma had climbed onto the couch and flattened herself against them. "It smells really good in the kitchen."
Natalia hid her face against Olivia.
Olivia whispered, "If you cry, the children will kill me."
Natalia laughed, instead.
* * *
March 2009
"Uh, Olivia?" Frank said into the phone.
"What is it, Frank?" She swerved, driving with one hand, pressing her ear to the phone with the other. She shouldn't have taken the call. But when Frank called, it was never pleasure. It was bound to be Buzz, or Emma--
A lump rose in her throat.
"It's Natalia."
She pulled off onto the shoulder and turned on her hazards. "Where?"
"She hit a deer. With her car. She's all right--I mean, she's okay--We tried to get her an ambulance but she said she'd rather you come pick her up. I mean, that's what the highway patrol said. They radioed. And, um. Olivia?"
"Where? That's all I asked. Goddamnit, Frank. Can't you answer a simple question?"
He gave her the address. She hung up on him. It took three tries to type it into the GPS. She checked her mirrors and then pulled back onto the road.
Her phone rang.
"What is it, Frank?"
"Remy's on his way, too."
"Not you?"
"I have... something else. I need to be here," he said.
"Police business?" she snarled.
"Olivia, this is why no one ever asks you for help." He hung up on her.
* * *
A cornfield came into view, edged in woods, with a ditch alongside the road. Olivia's stomach turned. If Natalia's car had gone into the ditch--but there was her car, safely on the shoulder. A blue tarp covered a large lump. A cop car sat at an angle, flashing its lights, protecting Natalia's car. Olivia drove around it and parked further down the shoulder.
Natalia sat in the backseat of her own car. The front was unrecognizable.
"Natalia." Olivia knelt by the open door. "What are you doing?"
"If I got in his car, he'd drive me away."
"Natalia."
Natalia looked at her with a watery gaze, full of fear and sadness and pain. Olivia lurched forward, touching her cheek, kissing her. Natalia let out a surprised gasp, but let Olivia's lips steady against hers, and then press. Her lips parted and the kiss deepened, like Olivia was trying to suck the air from her. Or give it back.
Olivia reared back.
"Olivia."
"Sorry. Are you okay?"
"I want to see Rafe."
"Natalia--"
"Please. Take me to see Rafe."
"If you hit your head, every second counts."
"I know. I have a headache. My vision is blurred. It happened so fast. Olivia."
Olivia touched her neck, searching for her pulse, finding it rapid.
An ambulance pulled up between Natalia's car and Olivia's.
"We'll go," Olivia said. "After Remy checks you out. No matter what he says."
Natalia nodded.
Olivia helped her up. Remy opened the back bay doors and went to Natalia's other side. They sat her on the edge and then Remy flicked a pen light into her eyes.
"Olivia," Natalia said, clinging to her hand.
"Yeah?"
"In the car, uh."
"We--Sorry."
"I don't want to marry Frank."
"Later, Natalia."
"Not later, not ever. I'm not going to marry him and we are not going to have this discussion again."
Olivia bit her lip.
"Not if I feel better in a week. Promise me."
"Natalia."
"Promise me you will not bring it up. If I want to, I will."
"But--"
Natalia squeezed harder.
"Ow. Fine. I promise."
Remy glanced between them and got a blood pressure cuff.
"And--" Natalia breathed, rubbing her forehead.
"There's more?"
"If anything happens."
"It was just a deer, Natalia."
Remy glanced at the cuff reading, then at Olivia, and shook his head.
"You love my son. You love him just as much as me."
"Frank would be better--"
"What did I just say?"
Remy laughed and ducked back into the ambulance.
"You know how much I care about Rafe," Olivia said.
"I know. But you have to--" She gasped, moving her hand down to her chest.
"I will."
"You're the only connection he has to his father."
Olivia didn't say anything, and blinked away tears when Remy hopped down to face them, holding up an IV bag. "Ladies." He glanced meaningfully at Natalia.
The trooper came up behind them.
"I have a proposal."
"Olivia is taking care of me," Natalia said.
"And I would never cross Olivia," Remy said slowly. "But it would really be better if you let me drive you to the prison in this ambulance, so that we can IV you until you get there. Please."
Olivia nodded.
The trooper said, "I'll escort you."
Natalia glanced between the three of them and threw up her hands.
"Want some aspirin?" Remy held up a bottle.
* * *
A knock came at the hospital room door. Olivia patted Natalia's hand then went to the door and slipped out.
Frank was there, holding Emma back from the door.
"You can go in, Emma," Olivia said.
Frank released her and she darted into the hospital room.
Olivia looked at Frank. "This was your other business?"
"It's a long story. How is she?"
"She's fine. She was feeling better by the time we saw Rafe. Drugs kicking in." Olivia smirked. "Remy and Dr. Rick both think she won't have a concussion. Just a really hard hit on the head."
"Yeah?" Frank exhaled.
"And a broken wrist."
Frank winced. "How are you, Olivia?"
Olivia looked down.
Laughter came from the hospital room.
Frank pulled Olivia forward. Her head hit his chest. She begrudgingly hugged his waist and began to cry.
"You're so weird," he said.
"I know. I have no idea why she puts up with me."
"I do," he said, reaching up to stroke her hair. "I know why."
* * *
"Please stop cooking for me," Natalia said, as Olivia came into the bedroom and put down a tray. "I'm going to get fat."
"All you do is lie around in bed."
"Someone won't let me work."
"You get headaches." Olivia perched on the bed.
Natalia gave her a wry look. "I always get headaches. I live and work with you."
Olivia smiled.
"Olivia."
"I hear Emma."
Natalia grabbed her wrist. "She's at school. Hey."
Olivia stilled.
"We should talk."
Olivia shifted, facing her. Looking at her evenly.
"Sometimes, when you look at me like that, I have this feeling that you're about to say something. And then something interrupts."
Olivia held her breath.
"We're alone here. I turned off your ringer. The house phone is off the hook. Unless there's a fire, or, uh."
"Or I get struck by lightning."
Natalia smiled and didn't say anything.
Olivia took a deep breath. "I love you."
Silence filled the bedroom. Outside birds chirped. Cars went by.
Natalia tilted her head.
"I love you. Not just a little bit. A lot. More than I loved anyone. Not Buzz. Not poor Bill. Maybe as much as I love Josh. I love you with my whole heart. With every piece of me. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Natalia nodded.
"Say something?"
Natalia shifted, pushing herself up until she was sitting against the headboard, even with Olivia's gaze, and closer.
"You kissed me. With lots of desperation?"
"Twice, remember?"
"Kiss me like that again."
Olivia kissed her hard, bracing her hand against Natalia's hair, pulling her against hungry, moving lips that tugged at hers, that sought and promised and insisted. Natalia's heart pounded. Just when she began to press back, to seek more, Olivia broke the kiss.
"Why'd you stop?" Natalia asked.
"I always stopped before," Olivia said.
Natalia put her hands on Olivia's shoulders, urging her onto her back, onto the bed, and then propping herself up above her.
"Now what?" Olivia asked, motionless. Shy.
"Now I'm going to... the way I always wanted to."
Natalia lowered herself carefully until her lips brushed Olivia's. Then she settled, smiling as Olivia hugged her, and kissed her carefully, with intent, exploring the corner of her mouth, and then the line of her lip, and then opening herself up to Olivia's nervous, fluttering kisses.
"It's you," Natalia said when they parted. "I wanted to show you it's you."
"Why didn't you?"
Natalia rolled onto her back. "You're impossible."
"Only improbable," Olivia said, following her, to kiss her again.
* * *
June 2009
Rafe drummed his fingers on the table. Emma spooned homemade fried rice onto his plate. Natalia smiled indulgently. The fourth chair had a clean, empty plate on it, and no one in its seat.
"Where's Olivia?"
"She's working late." Natalia rubbed her hands.
The first few days he'd been home from prison, restless and hating the light and the space, he and Olivia had fought. Nearly every hour. He yelled at her and stayed absolutely silent with his mother, running away, and only ever smiled at Emma, who would squeeze his neck like he hadn't gone to prison.
"She should be here," Rafe said.
Natalia pursed her lips.
"She should," Emma agreed.
"Do you want me to call her?" Natalia asked.
"Yes."
Natalia got up and opened her cell phone and stepped into the living room.
Emma piled Rafe's plate with sliced beef.
"Thanks," he said.
"It doesn't feel like a real family without everyone here," Emma said.
"I wasn't even here when you moved in."
"Yes you were." Emma studied him thoughtfully and then reached for the bowl of green beans. "All your stuff is here. Your pictures. And mommy brought some of your stuff from Chicago, too."
"Mommy--Your mommy?"
Emma nodded. "For Christmas. She gave Natalia, uh, you." Emma giggled.
"What does she get?"
"You," Natalia said from the doorway. "She gets you. She says 'Eat.' She'll bring dessert."
* * *
When Olivia got home, Natalia helped her cut bananas while Emma spooned Buzz's sugar free pudding into a bowl. Then Emma stabbed all the bananas with toothpicks while Olivia put a jar of peanut butter next to the bowl on the table.
"You guys don't have to forgo a real dessert because of me."
"Rafe," Olivia said. "You live in a household of women."
"Got it."
Emma dipped a banana in pudding and handed it to him.
"Thank you."
"Actually, Rafe?" Natalia asked.
He looked over, glad he'd swallowed the banana. Not sure he could have another with her expression so serious.
"If you're ready to hear it, there was something we wanted to talk to you about. Me, and Olivia. Nothing bad. Good news. It's good news."
The weird energy he'd felt a few times already, being home, swirled up again. Olivia looked like she was sweating. Natalia was quiet and calm. He tried to meet her eyes. He tried to be a man. Now that he was out of prison, he could start.
If it was good news, it meant Olivia wasn't sick. Anything else, he couldn't imagine. But it probably didn't have to be "good" news. Maybe Frank was--but Frank wasn't here. Maybe Alan had died and left him a fortune. That was a thought.
But it was something here. Something localized. He glanced around the kitchen.
Emma dipped a banana in peanut butter and ate it.
"Something changed when I was gone? So what's the big secret?" he asked.
Olivia covered Natalia's hand with hers and smiled at Rafe. Tried to smile. "We're a family," she said.
Rafe laughed. "I knew that already."
"We've forsaken all others," Natalia said. Her tone matched Olivia's with blunt, simple statements. Only her eyes showed hesitation.
"Look, call me selfish--" Rafe started.
"Selfish," Olivia said.
He glared at her. "But I don't really care how this--" he gestured to the kitchen table. "--came about. I don't want it to change. Prison sucked. No changes, okay? No--I don't want to go back to the boarding house. Someone else's room. Or God knows where. I didn't want to tell you, Ma. I was happy with what we had, but."
"You always wanted this."
"Like on TV, Ma."
Natalia nodded.
Olivia squeezed her hand.
"What about Olivia?" Natalia asked.
"What about Olivia?"
"What about me?" Emma asked, leaning over the table toward him.
"What about me?" Rafe asked.
"Will you teach me how to ride a motorcycle?" Emma asked.
"Yes, I will," Rafe said, daring them to contradict him.
Neither woman did, but Olivia kicked him under the table.
He winced and met her gaze. She was smiling at him. Like she was happy, or something.
He smiled back.
END
Author: rysler
Date: Cinco de Mayo!
Fandom: Guiding Light, Otalia
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Just another origin story. Some missing scenes from late 2008 to mid 2009, some deviations, some courtship, some hurt/comfort, lots of Rafe and Olivia. Namely, Rafe does not go to prison until after Olivia's fall relapse and Natalia's promotion.
Notes: 4000 words
All credit goes to my darling Jaina for this one. But read it anyway. Be brave!
* * *
September 2008
Rafe pushed open the hospital room door. Natalia sat on the far side of Olivia's bed, gazing at her. Olivia slept. Natalia had a legal pad in her lap, a briefcase by her chair, and as Rafe got closer he could hear her murmuring.
"...unplugged the mini fridges in all but the golden ten suites. If guests want them they can still plug them in, but this will save..."
Hearing his mother talk about business, in this tiny, gross hospital room irritated him. The cause of it was in that hospital bed.
"If you had a leaner operation, you'd be able to..."
"Ma."
Natalia stopped and looked over her shoulder. Her face broke into a smile. "Hi, Rafe."
"She's asleep. Why are you telling her all that stuff?"
"Osmosis." Natalia turned back to Olivia, giving her the same fond look she'd given Rafe. His stomach twisted.
He scoffed.
"I know. But she doesn't listen when she's awake, so I thought I'd try it."
"Ma, you can't spend all your time here with a--a sick woman. You've gotta get out."
"I like it here."
"How can you like it here?"
Natalia frowned, glancing between them. She bit her lip.
He rolled his eyes. "Look--"
"But you're right." Natalia stood up, stuffing her pad into the briefcase. "I do need to get out of here. Run a few errands."
He nodded.
"You'll have to watch her."
"What?"
She brushed past him and through the door. "Just for a little while. I don't want her to wake up alone."
"Why not?"
But Natalia was gone. He glanced at the closed door and tried not to think about the bed behind him. "Ma!"
"It's okay," a feeble voice from behind him said. "I didn't wake up alone. I woke up from all your racket."
He turned, angry, and threw himself into the chair Natalia vacated, and looked at Olivia hard. Her eyes were barely open. She was pale--as pale as he'd ever seen her--just like after the accident. His chest tightened. He didn't want to go back.
"Rafe?"
He crossed his arms.
She rolled her head in his direction. "You don't have to stay."
As if he'd do what she said. Over his mother's wishes.
"So. How's school?"
"Fuck you, Olivia," he said.
She nodded nearly imperceptibly. "Can I have some water?"
He glanced around, then went to the sink and got a plastic cup and filled it and brought it back to her. Her hand shook, even reaching up, so he held his around hers, around the cup, while she drank.
"Thank you, Rafe," she said.
"It's not Perrier."
She met his eyes, smiling, and something danced in them. He pulled away. She lowered the empty cup to her lap.
"I passed, all right?" he said. "High school diploma. Not even a GED."
"Great. Ready to wash dishes at the Beacon?"
He snorted. "I'm supposed to go to college."
She tilted her head. "Are you going to go to college, Rafe?"
"Ma didn't. And now she's a maid."
"She's my assistant, and she could have gotten there a lot faster--" Olivia stopped, pursing her lips.
"If it weren't for me."
"Rafe, look at this place. She'd rather have you."
"Would you be a maid, and have Emma?"
"In a heartbeat. Sometime I'll have to tell you about Emma's first two years. Rafe."
He closed his eyes. He hated that tone. Olivia's paternalistic tone. As if she had any right.
"Everything I do--this hotel, everything--I do for my child. My children. Natalia's the same way. And we wouldn't rather be moguls or presidents or something." Her voice was raspy. He moved to get another glass of water, avoiding her gaze.
"Rafe."
He sighed and turned around. It hurt to look at her.
"We'd rather be dead."
He took the water closer, looking down at her. Her eyes were like fire. He put his hand on her forehead. Hot to the touch. He gave her the water.
"You being a punk-ass little shit doesn't change that," she said.
"Look, Olivia, she'll get married and have another kid and it'll be, like." He wiped his hands on his jeans.
"Perfect?" She looked toward a framed picture of Ava and Emma, propped up beside the bed. They were hugging each other and laughing at the camera.
"Yeah," he said.
She looked back at him. "You are so young. And so stupid. And so--" She rubbed her forehead. "Irritating. But if you go to college, I'll pay for it. And if you go to jail, I'll get you the best lawyer I know. And if you--"
"So she'll take care of you? She's not yours, Olivia."
"That's not why--" She stopped, looking past him, at the door.
Natalia slid in. She held a paper bag. "Hey, you two. You look better, Olivia. You've got some color in your cheeks. Have you been arguing?"
"No," Rafe said.
"Yes," Olivia said. "Isn't that why you brought him in here? A taste of the punishment I'd get if I didn't go along with your refrigerator deal?"
Natalia smiled, brushing hair away from Olivia's face. "Something like that."
Olivia smirked at Rafe. "You were used."
"You're an asshole." He left, slamming the door.
"Rafe!"
Olivia put her hand on Natalia's wrist. "It's okay. We were talking about his future." She coughed.
"We need to be talking about your future."
"You know where the will is. It's--"
"The good kind, Olivia."
Olivia met her eyes, looking sad. Natalia smoothed her cheek.
"The near future?" Olivia asked. "Do I smell lo mein?"
"Do I get to save the Beacon $500 a year in electricity costs?"
"You think too small." Olivia reached for the paper bag.
Natalia held it out of her grasp.
"Fine," Olivia said. "It's a start."
* * *
January 2009
Rafe didn't open his eyes, but he became aware of Olivia near him. Her scent, at least. The subtle spiciness that must have come from some perfume straight from India. Something to draw the men in. Like moths. He'd occasionally caught the scent coming from Natalia, a sign that she spent too much time with Olivia, that Olivia was always with them. Like a slow gas leak.
He chuckled.
"Rafe?"
Her voice held worry. Was he that sick? He tried to open his eyes. She came into hazy view. He wet his lips. "You look terrible."
"At least I can stand." She touched his face. "What's so funny?"
"You're like poison, you know? In our family."
"Not you?" Her tone was jovial.
"I wasn't in prison before I met you."
"You were in juvie."
"Oh yeah. Good point."
She smiled.
He smiled back. Then glanced past her. "Where's Ma?"
"She's on her way. She was further away than I was."
"How sick am I?"
"You'll live. She probably doesn't need to come."
"Then she shouldn't--"
Olivia leaned closer. "It's easier to get into see you when you're in the infirmary. How visitor's hours work."
He met her gaze.
She patted his forehead.
"Olivia."
"Yeah?"
"You have to take care of her."
"I will, Rafe."
"No, I mean. It's like--remember when you were in the hospital?"
"Every time."
"She's hurting. You can't see it on the outside, because she hides it. Doesn't want anyone to see her like that."
"Not an attention whore?"
He almost smiled again. "But I know. And you know. Treat her like--Like--"
Olivia gripped his hand. "I will."
"Rafe!" Natalia flew in, followed by a guard.
"Hands off the prisoner," the guard said.
"Stick a fork in it," Olivia said.
Natalia hugged and kissed her son, pressing him, squirming, against the infirmary bed, then glanced at Olivia. "What are you--Sit down."
Olivia opened her mouth, glanced at Rafe, then closed it and sat down.
Rafe smirked.
"Rafe, you have to be careful," Natalia said, kissing his face again.
"I will--I'm fine. Gross, stop."
"I'm serious," she said. There were tears in her eyes. In her voice. In her hands, cupping his jaw.
"All right," Olivia said. "Spend some time with your felon son, then take me home."
Natalia gave Olivia a sharp glance.
"I agree with Olivia," Rafe said.
Natalia looked back at Rafe.
"Really, I'm fine. Now that I've gotten to see my family. It keeps me going."
"Oh, Rafe."
"Go with Olivia, Ma."
Olivia pointed at Rafe. "I'm doing this for you."
Natalia looked somewhat afraid.
* * *
"I hate this," Natalia said. Somewhere between the car and the living room, Olivia had started supporting her and now Olivia was depositing her on the couch. "I have to get back to work."
"You're not going back to work today."
Natalia looked up. "Olivia."
"I'll call. I'm not going back, either."
"I can't take advantage just because I--"
"Know the boss? I insist. Take advantage of me."
Natalia gave a tiny smile. "It's not just that. If I sit here, I'll just dwell. Rafe is in prison. I'm--I hate it. I'm so alone, Olivia."
Olivia sat next to her and pulled her into an embrace. Natalia sagged, grateful for the warmth and the steady, reassuring sound of Gus's heartbeat. But it didn't make her feel less alone. Olivia shifted and Natalia found the TV remote in her hand.
"Watch something mindless," Olivia said. "I have to run out. Just for a little while."
"Mindless?"
"Public access. Maybe Doris has a special message."
Natalia sucked in her cheeks.
Olivia got up, squeezing her shoulder. "Promise me you will not move from this couch."
"Olivia--"
"Or else."
Natalia's gaze narrowed. "Or else?"
"No dessert," Olivia said.
Natalia raised her eyebrows.
Olivia darted for the door.
* * *
Natalia was asleep on the couch when Olivia returned. Nickelodeon flickered on the television. Olivia went back into the kitchen to cook.
When she returned again, carrying a tray, Natalia had roused and was sitting mostly upright, blinking sleepily at the television, which was now showing the news.
Olivia set the tray on the coffee table.
"You made me soup?"
"Taste it."
Natalia picked up a spoon. "Wait, where are you going?"
"Coffee."
"Coffee." Natalia dipped the spoon into the soup.
When Olivia came back again, Natalia had the bowl in one hand, near her lips.
"Going to lick the bowl?"
"Maybe. This is the best tomato soup I've ever eaten."
"I know."
"It's just soup, Olivia. How did you do that?"
"I'm not going to tell you my secrets."
"You always tell me your secrets."
"Have some coffee." Olivia took the bowl and put the mug into Natalia's hands, then turned toward the kitchen.
"Don't go."
"Cleaning."
"Don't--Just sit."
Olivia sat.
Natalia patted her thigh. Olivia smiled, watching her take a sip of coffee. Natalia's eyes widened.
"Is this spiked?"
"Lil' bit."
"Olivia."
"Take another sip."
Natalia shook her head.
"Please?"
Natalia looked at the mug.
"Okay, but you'll wish you had." Olivia got up and went into the kitchen.
"Would you stop--"
The microwave beeped. Natalia listened to shuffling sounds, and sipped her coffee, and felt a little more relaxed.
Olivia came back with a single, jumbo, ripe strawberry with chocolate cooling on its skin.
"Dessert."
Natalia put the coffee mug down, nearly gasping. "No, I can't eat that. It's a sin."
"You can."
"Where's yours?"
Olivia shrugged and sat back down, putting her feet up on the coffee table.
"Olivia."
"Just try it. Maybe it'll suck."
Natalia sat back, settling against Olivia until Olivia put an arm around her shoulders. Then she took a careful bite of the strawberry, tearing nearly a third of the flesh away.
Olivia held her breath.
"Oh, my God," Natalia said.
"See?"
"Try it." Natalia pushed the plate at Olivia's chin.
"No, it's for you."
"Please?"
Olivia frowned.
Natalia gave her a cherubic smile.
Olivia took the strawberry stem with her free hand.
"Thank you," Natalia said, shifting to watch Olivia in profile.
Olivia bit into the strawberry, chewed, and then set the plate on the coffee table. She turned back and Natalia hugged her.
"Thank you," Natalia said.
Olivia rubbed her shoulders, but didn't say anything.
Natalia put her cheek against Olivia's chest. "I feel better."
"Me too. But--"
"But?" Natalia lifted her head.
Olivia cupped her head and pulled it back down. "There's one more thing." She glanced at the clock on the television.
The kitchen door slammed and there was a patter of feet.
Olivia grinned.
"I'm home!" Emma flew into the room. "Mommy, Natalia! You're home, too! Why?"
"We took the day off work, sweetie. We wanted to see you," Olivia said.
Before Natalia could move Emma had climbed onto the couch and flattened herself against them. "It smells really good in the kitchen."
Natalia hid her face against Olivia.
Olivia whispered, "If you cry, the children will kill me."
Natalia laughed, instead.
* * *
March 2009
"Uh, Olivia?" Frank said into the phone.
"What is it, Frank?" She swerved, driving with one hand, pressing her ear to the phone with the other. She shouldn't have taken the call. But when Frank called, it was never pleasure. It was bound to be Buzz, or Emma--
A lump rose in her throat.
"It's Natalia."
She pulled off onto the shoulder and turned on her hazards. "Where?"
"She hit a deer. With her car. She's all right--I mean, she's okay--We tried to get her an ambulance but she said she'd rather you come pick her up. I mean, that's what the highway patrol said. They radioed. And, um. Olivia?"
"Where? That's all I asked. Goddamnit, Frank. Can't you answer a simple question?"
He gave her the address. She hung up on him. It took three tries to type it into the GPS. She checked her mirrors and then pulled back onto the road.
Her phone rang.
"What is it, Frank?"
"Remy's on his way, too."
"Not you?"
"I have... something else. I need to be here," he said.
"Police business?" she snarled.
"Olivia, this is why no one ever asks you for help." He hung up on her.
* * *
A cornfield came into view, edged in woods, with a ditch alongside the road. Olivia's stomach turned. If Natalia's car had gone into the ditch--but there was her car, safely on the shoulder. A blue tarp covered a large lump. A cop car sat at an angle, flashing its lights, protecting Natalia's car. Olivia drove around it and parked further down the shoulder.
Natalia sat in the backseat of her own car. The front was unrecognizable.
"Natalia." Olivia knelt by the open door. "What are you doing?"
"If I got in his car, he'd drive me away."
"Natalia."
Natalia looked at her with a watery gaze, full of fear and sadness and pain. Olivia lurched forward, touching her cheek, kissing her. Natalia let out a surprised gasp, but let Olivia's lips steady against hers, and then press. Her lips parted and the kiss deepened, like Olivia was trying to suck the air from her. Or give it back.
Olivia reared back.
"Olivia."
"Sorry. Are you okay?"
"I want to see Rafe."
"Natalia--"
"Please. Take me to see Rafe."
"If you hit your head, every second counts."
"I know. I have a headache. My vision is blurred. It happened so fast. Olivia."
Olivia touched her neck, searching for her pulse, finding it rapid.
An ambulance pulled up between Natalia's car and Olivia's.
"We'll go," Olivia said. "After Remy checks you out. No matter what he says."
Natalia nodded.
Olivia helped her up. Remy opened the back bay doors and went to Natalia's other side. They sat her on the edge and then Remy flicked a pen light into her eyes.
"Olivia," Natalia said, clinging to her hand.
"Yeah?"
"In the car, uh."
"We--Sorry."
"I don't want to marry Frank."
"Later, Natalia."
"Not later, not ever. I'm not going to marry him and we are not going to have this discussion again."
Olivia bit her lip.
"Not if I feel better in a week. Promise me."
"Natalia."
"Promise me you will not bring it up. If I want to, I will."
"But--"
Natalia squeezed harder.
"Ow. Fine. I promise."
Remy glanced between them and got a blood pressure cuff.
"And--" Natalia breathed, rubbing her forehead.
"There's more?"
"If anything happens."
"It was just a deer, Natalia."
Remy glanced at the cuff reading, then at Olivia, and shook his head.
"You love my son. You love him just as much as me."
"Frank would be better--"
"What did I just say?"
Remy laughed and ducked back into the ambulance.
"You know how much I care about Rafe," Olivia said.
"I know. But you have to--" She gasped, moving her hand down to her chest.
"I will."
"You're the only connection he has to his father."
Olivia didn't say anything, and blinked away tears when Remy hopped down to face them, holding up an IV bag. "Ladies." He glanced meaningfully at Natalia.
The trooper came up behind them.
"I have a proposal."
"Olivia is taking care of me," Natalia said.
"And I would never cross Olivia," Remy said slowly. "But it would really be better if you let me drive you to the prison in this ambulance, so that we can IV you until you get there. Please."
Olivia nodded.
The trooper said, "I'll escort you."
Natalia glanced between the three of them and threw up her hands.
"Want some aspirin?" Remy held up a bottle.
* * *
A knock came at the hospital room door. Olivia patted Natalia's hand then went to the door and slipped out.
Frank was there, holding Emma back from the door.
"You can go in, Emma," Olivia said.
Frank released her and she darted into the hospital room.
Olivia looked at Frank. "This was your other business?"
"It's a long story. How is she?"
"She's fine. She was feeling better by the time we saw Rafe. Drugs kicking in." Olivia smirked. "Remy and Dr. Rick both think she won't have a concussion. Just a really hard hit on the head."
"Yeah?" Frank exhaled.
"And a broken wrist."
Frank winced. "How are you, Olivia?"
Olivia looked down.
Laughter came from the hospital room.
Frank pulled Olivia forward. Her head hit his chest. She begrudgingly hugged his waist and began to cry.
"You're so weird," he said.
"I know. I have no idea why she puts up with me."
"I do," he said, reaching up to stroke her hair. "I know why."
* * *
"Please stop cooking for me," Natalia said, as Olivia came into the bedroom and put down a tray. "I'm going to get fat."
"All you do is lie around in bed."
"Someone won't let me work."
"You get headaches." Olivia perched on the bed.
Natalia gave her a wry look. "I always get headaches. I live and work with you."
Olivia smiled.
"Olivia."
"I hear Emma."
Natalia grabbed her wrist. "She's at school. Hey."
Olivia stilled.
"We should talk."
Olivia shifted, facing her. Looking at her evenly.
"Sometimes, when you look at me like that, I have this feeling that you're about to say something. And then something interrupts."
Olivia held her breath.
"We're alone here. I turned off your ringer. The house phone is off the hook. Unless there's a fire, or, uh."
"Or I get struck by lightning."
Natalia smiled and didn't say anything.
Olivia took a deep breath. "I love you."
Silence filled the bedroom. Outside birds chirped. Cars went by.
Natalia tilted her head.
"I love you. Not just a little bit. A lot. More than I loved anyone. Not Buzz. Not poor Bill. Maybe as much as I love Josh. I love you with my whole heart. With every piece of me. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Natalia nodded.
"Say something?"
Natalia shifted, pushing herself up until she was sitting against the headboard, even with Olivia's gaze, and closer.
"You kissed me. With lots of desperation?"
"Twice, remember?"
"Kiss me like that again."
Olivia kissed her hard, bracing her hand against Natalia's hair, pulling her against hungry, moving lips that tugged at hers, that sought and promised and insisted. Natalia's heart pounded. Just when she began to press back, to seek more, Olivia broke the kiss.
"Why'd you stop?" Natalia asked.
"I always stopped before," Olivia said.
Natalia put her hands on Olivia's shoulders, urging her onto her back, onto the bed, and then propping herself up above her.
"Now what?" Olivia asked, motionless. Shy.
"Now I'm going to... the way I always wanted to."
Natalia lowered herself carefully until her lips brushed Olivia's. Then she settled, smiling as Olivia hugged her, and kissed her carefully, with intent, exploring the corner of her mouth, and then the line of her lip, and then opening herself up to Olivia's nervous, fluttering kisses.
"It's you," Natalia said when they parted. "I wanted to show you it's you."
"Why didn't you?"
Natalia rolled onto her back. "You're impossible."
"Only improbable," Olivia said, following her, to kiss her again.
* * *
June 2009
Rafe drummed his fingers on the table. Emma spooned homemade fried rice onto his plate. Natalia smiled indulgently. The fourth chair had a clean, empty plate on it, and no one in its seat.
"Where's Olivia?"
"She's working late." Natalia rubbed her hands.
The first few days he'd been home from prison, restless and hating the light and the space, he and Olivia had fought. Nearly every hour. He yelled at her and stayed absolutely silent with his mother, running away, and only ever smiled at Emma, who would squeeze his neck like he hadn't gone to prison.
"She should be here," Rafe said.
Natalia pursed her lips.
"She should," Emma agreed.
"Do you want me to call her?" Natalia asked.
"Yes."
Natalia got up and opened her cell phone and stepped into the living room.
Emma piled Rafe's plate with sliced beef.
"Thanks," he said.
"It doesn't feel like a real family without everyone here," Emma said.
"I wasn't even here when you moved in."
"Yes you were." Emma studied him thoughtfully and then reached for the bowl of green beans. "All your stuff is here. Your pictures. And mommy brought some of your stuff from Chicago, too."
"Mommy--Your mommy?"
Emma nodded. "For Christmas. She gave Natalia, uh, you." Emma giggled.
"What does she get?"
"You," Natalia said from the doorway. "She gets you. She says 'Eat.' She'll bring dessert."
* * *
When Olivia got home, Natalia helped her cut bananas while Emma spooned Buzz's sugar free pudding into a bowl. Then Emma stabbed all the bananas with toothpicks while Olivia put a jar of peanut butter next to the bowl on the table.
"You guys don't have to forgo a real dessert because of me."
"Rafe," Olivia said. "You live in a household of women."
"Got it."
Emma dipped a banana in pudding and handed it to him.
"Thank you."
"Actually, Rafe?" Natalia asked.
He looked over, glad he'd swallowed the banana. Not sure he could have another with her expression so serious.
"If you're ready to hear it, there was something we wanted to talk to you about. Me, and Olivia. Nothing bad. Good news. It's good news."
The weird energy he'd felt a few times already, being home, swirled up again. Olivia looked like she was sweating. Natalia was quiet and calm. He tried to meet her eyes. He tried to be a man. Now that he was out of prison, he could start.
If it was good news, it meant Olivia wasn't sick. Anything else, he couldn't imagine. But it probably didn't have to be "good" news. Maybe Frank was--but Frank wasn't here. Maybe Alan had died and left him a fortune. That was a thought.
But it was something here. Something localized. He glanced around the kitchen.
Emma dipped a banana in peanut butter and ate it.
"Something changed when I was gone? So what's the big secret?" he asked.
Olivia covered Natalia's hand with hers and smiled at Rafe. Tried to smile. "We're a family," she said.
Rafe laughed. "I knew that already."
"We've forsaken all others," Natalia said. Her tone matched Olivia's with blunt, simple statements. Only her eyes showed hesitation.
"Look, call me selfish--" Rafe started.
"Selfish," Olivia said.
He glared at her. "But I don't really care how this--" he gestured to the kitchen table. "--came about. I don't want it to change. Prison sucked. No changes, okay? No--I don't want to go back to the boarding house. Someone else's room. Or God knows where. I didn't want to tell you, Ma. I was happy with what we had, but."
"You always wanted this."
"Like on TV, Ma."
Natalia nodded.
Olivia squeezed her hand.
"What about Olivia?" Natalia asked.
"What about Olivia?"
"What about me?" Emma asked, leaning over the table toward him.
"What about me?" Rafe asked.
"Will you teach me how to ride a motorcycle?" Emma asked.
"Yes, I will," Rafe said, daring them to contradict him.
Neither woman did, but Olivia kicked him under the table.
He winced and met her gaze. She was smiling at him. Like she was happy, or something.
He smiled back.
END