FIC: The Bridge (Stargate Atlantis)
Title: The Bridge
Author: rysler
Date: December 24, 2009
Source: Stargate: Atlantis
Rating: PG
Notes: 1000 words.
Summary: Sam and Jennifer have an angsty conversation on the balcony.
Sam leaned over the balcony and watched the water splash against the pylons. Never perfectly still around the stationary Atlantis, and never quite the right color, it was nonetheless an ocean right at her feet.
So weird to be in paradise, after so many years in the desert. Quite the promotion.
Or maybe it was heaven.
She had no idea what she was doing there.
After her lover's death...
The first six months had been the hardest. She'd done nothing but suffer. Even going to work, she'd lost her ability to smile without crying, and lost all ability to care about the humanity involved in doing her job. It was just a function. Something to do. Menial work. She avoided math whenever possible, and made it into engineering puzzles when she couldn't. The equations were too beautiful, otherwise.
They were unbearable, when she didn't want to feel.
Then she'd spent the next year pretending to enjoy her promotion to leader of SG-1. Filling a hole with herself didn't really fill the hole. Daniel and Teal'c felt it, too, how she couldn't split herself into two people. So with every step, every expedition, they were missing Jack, or missing Sam.
Trading a few hundred people in an underground bunker for a few hundred people in an ocean paradise of Ancient technology seemed like a good idea at the time.
But it was kind of the same.
Janet, though, would have loved seeing this place. She'd been the one to say, "Off-world is all the same. Except when there's terror. Give me a Colorado sunset."
Atlantis would have changed her mind.
The door hissed open behind Sam. She kept looking down at the water.
"Tea?" Jennifer asked.
She came to Sam's side and the scent of the leaves--Earth-grown, not Pegagus-grown, made Sam's mouth water. She accepted the mug.
"Thank you."
Jennifer nodded, but she was looking out at the horizon. "This was Elizabeth's favorite spot. Must be something about it."
"I can feel completely alone out here. Atlantis is behind me. It's just me and the water and the sky."
"Do you want me to, uh, leave you alone?"
"No."
You're always welcome, Jennifer.
So cliche, to respond to a caregiver. But Jennifer was so different. Maybe it was the benefit of coming up fifteen years later through the Air Force system. She hadn't had to fight quite so hard to get her place. She had energy left over. Or maybe being a civilian doctor was different than being a military doctor, even in the Stargate program.
Or maybe it was just that she was young, and Sam had been that idealistic and cheerful, too, at that age. Wanting so badly to fly, back then.
Not yet having gotten what she wanted, and more, until she stopped dreaming of big things.
Jennifer glanced at the water, but then settled against the railing, looking at Sam. She sipped her tea.
Sam tried to think of something to say.
Jennifer asked, "How are you settling in?"
"I still feel, well, unsettled. I'm not quite a part of the team, yet."
"No, you're not. I mean, you're the leader. You're above the team."
Jennifer's hand touched Sam's back. Solid and comforting. Sam let the warmth radiate throughout her back, up to her neck. Across her shoulders. No one touched her anymore. Not since Teal'c.
Except for Jennifer.
"I guess that's true." Sam blew into her tea, creating ripples. She turned to Jennifer. "How are you settling in?"
"Oh, I definitely feel a part of the team. I mean, I've been here a long time. But now--I worry that I'm going to let everyone down, you know? The people I care about."
"I know the feeling. But you're a good doctor, Jennifer."
"Sure. They recruited me because I was smart, which was nice. I love the work I do. But being smart isn't leadership."
"No one knows that more than me," Sam said.
"But--"
"It's not like learning science--I mean, I guess it is like learning science. You either have the capacity for it or you don't. And you do."
Jennifer smiled.
"I think," Sam said, "More people have the capacity for it than they think. I mean, doesn't everyone want to rule the world?"
"But that's different than actually doing it."
"Yes, but you're actually doing it. How's it going?"
"Every day is less scary, but it's still blindingly terrifying."
"Leadership is our ability to function in the face of fear."
"There has to be more to it than that."
Sam shrugged.
"It's about inspiring people," Jennifer said.
"Bravery inspires people."
Jennifer smiled and shook her head.
"You're right," Sam said. "I'm being cranky."
Jennifer rubbed circles on her back. "I'm sure you have your reasons," she said
"They're personal, though."
"Oh."
"No, I mean--they're personal, they shouldn't be affecting my work."
"Who you are affects your work. Look at Rodney," Jennifer said.
Sam grinned.
Jennifer peeked over her mug.
Sam said, "You saved Elizabeth's life."
Jennifer's face clouded. "Kind of."
Sam shook her head, and said, "But that's not why I trust you. Not because you're a good doctor. You are. But I'm a good physicist, and that's not what--"
"This is about," Jennifer finished.
Sam nodded. "You're strong. I feel like I can say anything to you, and you'll face it. It really helps to share the burden like that."
"There's not much I can do," Jennifer said. "But understand."
Sam nodded. "That's enough."
The mug warmed her hand. Jennifer's fingers still moved along her back, creating fire. Her presence brought the cold ocean breeze and the strange smell of the water into contrast.
Sam put her arm around Jennifer's shoulders. Jennifer's hand slid to her waist.
"Stick with me, kid, I'll teach you everything I know."
"I'd like to learn just enough physics to make Rodney wet his pants when he finds out," Jennifer said.
"Oh, that's easy. He doesn't expect anyone to know anything."
Jennifer chuckled. She leaned into Sam's neck.
Sam pointed her mug at the sun, a hazy, tiny ball above the horizon. "Okay, let's start..."
They were halfway through light speed, still in each other's arms, when the door hissed open behind them.
"Ladies," John said.
They turned together, hands sliding to forearms, grinning.
"The spinny thing wants attention. I tried to feed it peanuts, but, you know."
"All right, John. We're on our way."
He nodded and went back through the door.
Sam leaned down and put her mug on the ground.
"He didn't seem to mind," Jennifer said.
"No. He understands."
Jennifer nodded.
Sam straightened. "Okay. Let's go see if we can live up to all the crap we just said."
Jennifer smiled. "I have a feeling we can."
END
Author: rysler
Date: December 24, 2009
Source: Stargate: Atlantis
Rating: PG
Notes: 1000 words.
Summary: Sam and Jennifer have an angsty conversation on the balcony.
Sam leaned over the balcony and watched the water splash against the pylons. Never perfectly still around the stationary Atlantis, and never quite the right color, it was nonetheless an ocean right at her feet.
So weird to be in paradise, after so many years in the desert. Quite the promotion.
Or maybe it was heaven.
She had no idea what she was doing there.
After her lover's death...
The first six months had been the hardest. She'd done nothing but suffer. Even going to work, she'd lost her ability to smile without crying, and lost all ability to care about the humanity involved in doing her job. It was just a function. Something to do. Menial work. She avoided math whenever possible, and made it into engineering puzzles when she couldn't. The equations were too beautiful, otherwise.
They were unbearable, when she didn't want to feel.
Then she'd spent the next year pretending to enjoy her promotion to leader of SG-1. Filling a hole with herself didn't really fill the hole. Daniel and Teal'c felt it, too, how she couldn't split herself into two people. So with every step, every expedition, they were missing Jack, or missing Sam.
Trading a few hundred people in an underground bunker for a few hundred people in an ocean paradise of Ancient technology seemed like a good idea at the time.
But it was kind of the same.
Janet, though, would have loved seeing this place. She'd been the one to say, "Off-world is all the same. Except when there's terror. Give me a Colorado sunset."
Atlantis would have changed her mind.
The door hissed open behind Sam. She kept looking down at the water.
"Tea?" Jennifer asked.
She came to Sam's side and the scent of the leaves--Earth-grown, not Pegagus-grown, made Sam's mouth water. She accepted the mug.
"Thank you."
Jennifer nodded, but she was looking out at the horizon. "This was Elizabeth's favorite spot. Must be something about it."
"I can feel completely alone out here. Atlantis is behind me. It's just me and the water and the sky."
"Do you want me to, uh, leave you alone?"
"No."
You're always welcome, Jennifer.
So cliche, to respond to a caregiver. But Jennifer was so different. Maybe it was the benefit of coming up fifteen years later through the Air Force system. She hadn't had to fight quite so hard to get her place. She had energy left over. Or maybe being a civilian doctor was different than being a military doctor, even in the Stargate program.
Or maybe it was just that she was young, and Sam had been that idealistic and cheerful, too, at that age. Wanting so badly to fly, back then.
Not yet having gotten what she wanted, and more, until she stopped dreaming of big things.
Jennifer glanced at the water, but then settled against the railing, looking at Sam. She sipped her tea.
Sam tried to think of something to say.
Jennifer asked, "How are you settling in?"
"I still feel, well, unsettled. I'm not quite a part of the team, yet."
"No, you're not. I mean, you're the leader. You're above the team."
Jennifer's hand touched Sam's back. Solid and comforting. Sam let the warmth radiate throughout her back, up to her neck. Across her shoulders. No one touched her anymore. Not since Teal'c.
Except for Jennifer.
"I guess that's true." Sam blew into her tea, creating ripples. She turned to Jennifer. "How are you settling in?"
"Oh, I definitely feel a part of the team. I mean, I've been here a long time. But now--I worry that I'm going to let everyone down, you know? The people I care about."
"I know the feeling. But you're a good doctor, Jennifer."
"Sure. They recruited me because I was smart, which was nice. I love the work I do. But being smart isn't leadership."
"No one knows that more than me," Sam said.
"But--"
"It's not like learning science--I mean, I guess it is like learning science. You either have the capacity for it or you don't. And you do."
Jennifer smiled.
"I think," Sam said, "More people have the capacity for it than they think. I mean, doesn't everyone want to rule the world?"
"But that's different than actually doing it."
"Yes, but you're actually doing it. How's it going?"
"Every day is less scary, but it's still blindingly terrifying."
"Leadership is our ability to function in the face of fear."
"There has to be more to it than that."
Sam shrugged.
"It's about inspiring people," Jennifer said.
"Bravery inspires people."
Jennifer smiled and shook her head.
"You're right," Sam said. "I'm being cranky."
Jennifer rubbed circles on her back. "I'm sure you have your reasons," she said
"They're personal, though."
"Oh."
"No, I mean--they're personal, they shouldn't be affecting my work."
"Who you are affects your work. Look at Rodney," Jennifer said.
Sam grinned.
Jennifer peeked over her mug.
Sam said, "You saved Elizabeth's life."
Jennifer's face clouded. "Kind of."
Sam shook her head, and said, "But that's not why I trust you. Not because you're a good doctor. You are. But I'm a good physicist, and that's not what--"
"This is about," Jennifer finished.
Sam nodded. "You're strong. I feel like I can say anything to you, and you'll face it. It really helps to share the burden like that."
"There's not much I can do," Jennifer said. "But understand."
Sam nodded. "That's enough."
The mug warmed her hand. Jennifer's fingers still moved along her back, creating fire. Her presence brought the cold ocean breeze and the strange smell of the water into contrast.
Sam put her arm around Jennifer's shoulders. Jennifer's hand slid to her waist.
"Stick with me, kid, I'll teach you everything I know."
"I'd like to learn just enough physics to make Rodney wet his pants when he finds out," Jennifer said.
"Oh, that's easy. He doesn't expect anyone to know anything."
Jennifer chuckled. She leaned into Sam's neck.
Sam pointed her mug at the sun, a hazy, tiny ball above the horizon. "Okay, let's start..."
They were halfway through light speed, still in each other's arms, when the door hissed open behind them.
"Ladies," John said.
They turned together, hands sliding to forearms, grinning.
"The spinny thing wants attention. I tried to feed it peanuts, but, you know."
"All right, John. We're on our way."
He nodded and went back through the door.
Sam leaned down and put her mug on the ground.
"He didn't seem to mind," Jennifer said.
"No. He understands."
Jennifer nodded.
Sam straightened. "Okay. Let's go see if we can live up to all the crap we just said."
Jennifer smiled. "I have a feeling we can."
END