long time no write
i fuckin' hate myself for being me. if that makes sense? i miss my dog susie. i feel like such a fuckin' dumbass, i'm crying...and i really fuckin miss her. getting old and dieing is lame. i feel so sad. i talked to matt today and told him i can't talk to him a bajillion times every single day, and it's true b/c i'm so busy with work. and i didn't want to sound like a bitch but how could i have said that without hurting someone's feelings. im such a piece of shit. i always work. i spent my entire day working on school stuff, my life is school. i never feel like i have enough time to just be young and stupid. i can't afford it. even with me trying my GPA is shit. everyone else makes me feel stupid. im so tired but i cant sleep. im in knots, always in fucking knots. my eyes burn. i miss ryan. i always feel sad. no matter what i do, i always end up crying b/c i hate myself so fuckin much. i can't do anything right or make anyone happy including myself. fuckin christ...someone tell me its ok so i can sleep...