DANGER DANGER OWEN APPROACHING.
I'm going to resolve to write some positive journal entries here. I want to write about the good stories of Christianity, for one. And other stuff.
This story is a bit down but also a bit up. It's down because the serving industry, I think, has finally gotten to me to a point where I want OUT. The feeling comes and goes, I think it does for all jobs. I don't know if it's going to pass this time. I worked nine days straight, with crappy tips, lousy people, complaints from entitled and insecure assholes... all coming up to Christmas time. To be a waiter, you have to have a thick skin and let all that crap just melt away. Sometimes it takes a drink or two, some deal with it in more destructive ways. My solution, generally, is to ensure I have one day off every week at the same time (if my second day off comes in a row even better). So I know that nine days on was too much. It's mentally exhausting and destructive, this industry...
But I'm on a vacation and have been off for a week. I go back tomorrow. And I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown even after this time. I might be fine once I get there, get back into the swing of things, and take a couple 'easy' nights and go early. I probably will. What I wish though is that there was any other job I could basically go out and get that would pay me what serving does with no education. Reality is that I can't afford to just do a fun minimum wage job. Work at a music shop or something. It's not affordable. So that's understandable. I'm not a hard labor guy, which is the only other option, really.
But I'm going to start looking outside of serving for something, some opportunity.
The more realistic option is that I need to somehow find a way to massage my brain into functioning properly enough to do school. It may take medication, or some serious coping skills I don't have. But I have to get through it. I have to find a way out. And although I truly, truly don't want to, I may need to take out student loans to go to school. I can't work 4-5 days a week and do 3-4 classes. It's a no-win situation. I can't not work. But maybe it's time to do some loans and work two nights a week, three max. The busy friday/saturday night shift.
Poking around today on a couple different school websites, I see programs like radio and music, or think about my goal of teaching, and my heart -releases-. That's where I want to be. Not where I am. And while the good money for low hours and flex schedule without education has kept me serving, I need to find a way out. It's not like I'm in Europe where serving can be a respected profession you go to school for.
I'm tired of people. I'm tired of bad tippers, entitled wanna-bes, demanding jerks, aging plastic women who somehow believe they're of 'upper class,' tables of middle-aged cackling women who want perfect service and cocktails but seem to think that I'm blessed by their presence, young men who don't have the decency to take their stained ball cap off while dining, pretty boys and their glowing fake tans, princesses with unrealistic demands, shared bills, cranky old people... and above all, not being able to tell these people to fuck off.
Customer Service in general is hell. There's something about serving though that just... it exposes you to the very worst in people. I won't beg for tips. I won't kiss ass like some sycophant. But this is how I pay my bills. Fuck you if you can't be bothered to recognize that.
I keep thinking a rant, or some time, or a punch into the wall will release this tension, but it's not happening. I need to do this at least another year, or at the very least seriously start school soon and go down to part-time.
Maybe I just need a change of scenery. It might help, for a while.
But in the end my soul just can't take it anymore.
This story is a bit down but also a bit up. It's down because the serving industry, I think, has finally gotten to me to a point where I want OUT. The feeling comes and goes, I think it does for all jobs. I don't know if it's going to pass this time. I worked nine days straight, with crappy tips, lousy people, complaints from entitled and insecure assholes... all coming up to Christmas time. To be a waiter, you have to have a thick skin and let all that crap just melt away. Sometimes it takes a drink or two, some deal with it in more destructive ways. My solution, generally, is to ensure I have one day off every week at the same time (if my second day off comes in a row even better). So I know that nine days on was too much. It's mentally exhausting and destructive, this industry...
But I'm on a vacation and have been off for a week. I go back tomorrow. And I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown even after this time. I might be fine once I get there, get back into the swing of things, and take a couple 'easy' nights and go early. I probably will. What I wish though is that there was any other job I could basically go out and get that would pay me what serving does with no education. Reality is that I can't afford to just do a fun minimum wage job. Work at a music shop or something. It's not affordable. So that's understandable. I'm not a hard labor guy, which is the only other option, really.
But I'm going to start looking outside of serving for something, some opportunity.
The more realistic option is that I need to somehow find a way to massage my brain into functioning properly enough to do school. It may take medication, or some serious coping skills I don't have. But I have to get through it. I have to find a way out. And although I truly, truly don't want to, I may need to take out student loans to go to school. I can't work 4-5 days a week and do 3-4 classes. It's a no-win situation. I can't not work. But maybe it's time to do some loans and work two nights a week, three max. The busy friday/saturday night shift.
Poking around today on a couple different school websites, I see programs like radio and music, or think about my goal of teaching, and my heart -releases-. That's where I want to be. Not where I am. And while the good money for low hours and flex schedule without education has kept me serving, I need to find a way out. It's not like I'm in Europe where serving can be a respected profession you go to school for.
I'm tired of people. I'm tired of bad tippers, entitled wanna-bes, demanding jerks, aging plastic women who somehow believe they're of 'upper class,' tables of middle-aged cackling women who want perfect service and cocktails but seem to think that I'm blessed by their presence, young men who don't have the decency to take their stained ball cap off while dining, pretty boys and their glowing fake tans, princesses with unrealistic demands, shared bills, cranky old people... and above all, not being able to tell these people to fuck off.
Customer Service in general is hell. There's something about serving though that just... it exposes you to the very worst in people. I won't beg for tips. I won't kiss ass like some sycophant. But this is how I pay my bills. Fuck you if you can't be bothered to recognize that.
I keep thinking a rant, or some time, or a punch into the wall will release this tension, but it's not happening. I need to do this at least another year, or at the very least seriously start school soon and go down to part-time.
Maybe I just need a change of scenery. It might help, for a while.
But in the end my soul just can't take it anymore.