Open your eyes ; {chapter 4/?}
Title: Open Your Eyes
Author: ryotegopilove_s
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Ryotego, Massupi
(side pairings: Tegomass, Ryomassu)
Genre: Angst, drama, romance
Summary: Tegoshi and Massu have been a couple for a while, but they start to fall into a relationship rut. Tegoshi goes to Ryo for advice and finds himself in an unexpected situation, and when Massu tries to figure out what's happening, he bonds with Yamapi in ways he never anticipated.
Koyama suggested that they all had lunch together after their meeting that day. It seemed like a good idea to him, but a few minutes after they started eating, Koyama noticed that something was going on, and then he wasn't so sure about his great idea anymore.
The silence was starting to become unbearable. Tegoshi felt Massu's arm brush against his own every once in a while, because there wasn't a lot of room around the table, and each touch felt like a stab in the stomach. He looked up from his plate of food and noticed Koyama and Shige exchanging looks and whispers; they were trying to understand the tension.
Shige gave Koyama a last look and then cleared his throat, making everyone look at him. The sudden attention made him a little nervous, but he was sure that nothing he said could make the situation more awkward.
'Ah, Massu, is something wrong with your food? You haven't eaten anything.' He said, forcing a smile.
Massu looked up from his plate slowly.
'I'm not hungry.' He said, trying to manage a smile.
Shige's jaw dropped with those words. He looked at Tegoshi, who looked away, then at Ryo who was sitting on Tegoshi's other side. He looked away, too. His last hope was Yamapi, sitting right next to him, but the leader just smiled slightly at him and went back to eating his food.
Shige turned to Koyama, who widened his eyes. Tegoshi noticed him mouthing something to Shige, and then he turned to everyone with a very determined look on his face.
'Alright,' Koyama said, 'what's going on guys?'
There was a very long pause, and none of the members would look at each other except for Shige and Koyama.
'Guys, come on! This is weird!' Koyama said more loudly.
'I don't think we need to talk about...anything right now.' Yamapi said, eyes on his plate of food.
'Maybe we should.' Ryo said, looking up at no one in particular.
Tegoshi rubbed his forehead with his fingers. 'Can we just eat?' He pleaded, starting to feel his head pound.
Massu took a deep breath. He locked eyes with Shige, who seemed honestly concerned. His eyes then went to Yamapi. Massu was used to seeing an expressionless Yamapi in tense situations, but this time his eyes were comforting and reassuring.
'Ok,' Koyama continued, 'how about we each say something that's bothering us? That always helps.'
Ryo sat up straight, taking a sip of his water. 'Okay.' He said.
Tegoshi turned his head at him in a sharp movement, looking at him disapprovingly. 'Let's just eat.' He said again.
'No, I think that's a good idea.' Massu said, nodding his head at Koyama. 'I'll start.'
'Massu...' Yamapi shook his head. He couldn't see anything good coming out of this.
'What's bothering me right now is that Tegoshi's lying to me.' He said. He tried to look at Tegoshi but he couldn't, so he just stared at the table.
Tegoshi opened his mouth in shock. The whole situation was incredibly surreal. He had no idea that Massu knew anything, and he wasn't sure if him knowing made things better or worse, because he still had no idea how he was feeling.
Koyama smiled awkwardly, mentally convincing himself that this was going to help.
'Ok. Tegoshi, you go.' He said.
'This is...I'm not doing this here!' Tegoshi exclaimed, feeling incredibly embarrassed. He turned to Massu and said, 'Let's talk in private.'
'Tegoshi, he knows.' Ryo said loudly, placing his glass on the table a little too roughly. Luckily there was no one else at the restaurant to notice the noise, except for the waiter who jumped back a little and then went back to ignoring them.
'Ryo, shut up.' Yamapi ordered.
'Okay maybe we should go.' Shige said nervously, starting to get up.
'Sit down.' Ryo said slowly, pointing at Shige's chair. Shige obeyed him, sitting back down slowly. 'No one's leaving.'
Massu took another deep breath and got up, ignoring Ryo's words and walking out of the restaurant. Yamapi got up right after him, leaving a few bills on the table for the check and following him outside.
'Okay, get up.' Ryo said to Shige and Koyama. 'Let's just get this over with.' Ryo got up, too, and looked down at Tegoshi, who had his head buried in his hands and refused to move.
'Tegoshi...'
'I can't...this isn't right.' He whispered.
Ryo sighed, frustrated. He looked at Shige and Koyama and nudged his head towards the door, indicating for them to leave. They obeyed, joining Massu and Yamapi outside.
Ryo sat back down, taking one of Tegoshi's hands with his own.
'Look at me.' Ryo said softly.
Tegoshi moved his head slowly, finally making eye contact. He looked absolutely miserable.
'I don't wanna hurt him.' He said.
'You already did.' Ryo said.
'What am I supposed to say to him?' Tegoshi asked.
'I don't know.' Ryo replied honestly. He sighed again, thinking to himself. 'Okay, I'm gonna get rid of everyone else and tell him to come back inside so you can talk.'
Tegoshi nodded his head. Ryo started to get up, but Tegoshi wouldn't let go of his hand.
'Tegoshi. It's gonna be okay.' Ryo said, even though he wasn't sure of it himself.
~
When Massu came back inside, he sat across from Tegoshi, and he looked uncharacteristically emotionless. It made Tegoshi's insides turn with guilt.
They stared at each other for a few seconds. Tegoshi's eyes were sad and lost, and he hoped that by the end of the conversation he would see the Massu that he knew and loved stare back and him and make things okay again.
'I'm sorry.' Tegoshi whispered.
Massu's eyes sparked with a hint of emotion as Tegoshi said those words.
'I don't know what to say.' Massu declared, shrugging his shoulders. It was the most honest truth.
Tegoshi bit his lip, holding back tears. He wanted to reach out to Massu's hand across the table, but something inside him stopped him from doing it.
'Massu, you're my best friend. You've been the most important person in my life for years. Before anything even happened between us, it was always you and me.' Tegoshi sighed, feeling extremely weak, but he knew he had to keep going. 'What I did, it wasn't to hurt you. It just happened. And it made me realize that this...this hasn't been working for a while. Things were better before.' He paused again to check Massu's reaction. The numbness in his face faded, and now he looked simply sad. 'I love you,' Tegoshi continued, 'I'm just...'
'You're just not in love with me?' Massu finished Tegoshi's thoughts perfectly. Tegoshi nodded his head in response.
'And you're in love with him?' Massu asked. Tegoshi expected to hear some bitterness in Massu's question, but there wasn't any.
'I don't know yet.' Tegoshi answered.
~
Ryo paced back and forth in his apartment, waiting for Tegoshi to call him. When he heard a knock on the door, he rushed to it, opening it quickly and coming face to face with a heartbroken Tegoshi.
Ryo expected a tight and longing hug from Tegoshi, but the younger boy kissed him full on the lips and shut the door behind him in a quick motion.
Ryo pulled away slowly, wiping a single tear from Tegoshi's face.
'You look like shit.' Ryo said, smiling slightly.
Tegoshi frowned in response, half-amused at Ryo's lack of sensibility.
'I feel like shit.' He said, looking down and clinging to Ryo's jacket with both hands.
'I'm sorry.' Ryo said genuinely.
'It's not your fault.' Tegoshi said, looking back up at Ryo.
'It kind of is.' Ryo said, smiling again.
Tegoshi brought his lips up to Ryo's and kissed him softly. Ryo took Tegoshi's face in his rough hands, kissing back just as tenderly. They felt their bodies shiver with the most amazing sensation they had felt in a long time. None of them knew what it was for sure, but it felt like love.
~
Yamapi had been waiting in his car across the street from the restaurant. After he saw Tegoshi come out, he expected Massu to follow him, but he didn't.
After a few minutes, Yamapi texted Massu, asking him if everything was okay. The answer was a simple 'yes', which left Yamapi very unconvinced.
He texted him again, ordering Massu to come out of the restaurant and get in his car with him.
Massu did as he was told. Yamapi watched thoughtfully as Massu crossed the street, hands in his pockets and a slight smile on his face.
He got in and sat on the passenger’s seat. He looked at Yamapi, who smiled back.
'Do you wanna talk about it?' Yamapi asked, shifting in his seat and turning his body to Massu.
'I'm not sure.' Massu said, scratching his head. 'I feel weird.'
'Okay.' Yamapi said. He wanted to know everything, so he could make it better. Seeing Massu look so vulnerable in front of him was painful.
'I guess I just don't know what to do now. Everything he said to me made sense. I got so used to being with him that I think I stopped caring whether things were good or not.' He paused and brushed his hair out of his face with one hand. 'Because it was so familiar that to think about anything else was just...scary.'
Yamapi thought to himself that he had never heard Massu talk for so long before, especially about something so intimate. He felt strangely honored to be on the receiving end of those words.
'Are you gonna be okay?' Yamapi asked. He wanted to touch Massu somehow, but he felt completely stuck in place.
Massu looked at him, smiling.
'Yeah, I think so. I just need to get used to being alone again.' He said, shrugging his shoulders.
Yamapi swallowed, trying to measure his words.
'You don't have to be alone, Massu.' He said, forcing a smile. Yamapi's mind flashed back to his conversation with Ryo. 'Do you have the hots for Massu?' The words echoed in his brain, and they made his heart tighten.
Massu smiled at him again, this time more widely.
'Thanks for everything. I know I've been kind of a burden lately.'
Yamapi shook his head, a little too quickly.
'It hasn't been so bad.' He said. Again he felt the urge to touch Massu, but he held back. He took a deep breath and started the car. 'Come on, I'll take you home.'