Fanfiction: Insecurities
Pairing Akanishikido Jin/Ryo and one sided Ryopi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst and fluff
Summary: When a person is insecure that person would try to avoid as much pain as possible. When a person is confused that person would stick to what s/he believes. Even when a person is hurt s/he would not want to tear apart the happiness of another for their own.
“Jin?” a sleepy voice called out from the end of the hallway. The older man paused from opening the door and didn’t respond. “Jin?” The younger male called again as he walked closer to Jin. Again the older didn’t respond, silently standing by the doorway. “Where are you going this late at night?” the younger male asked. Staring sadly at the younger male, Jin didn’t respond but pulled the younger male into a hug. “Jin, What’s going on?!” the younger male panicked as he saw cases of luggage next to Jin.
“Ryo-chan, I’m leaving for America,” Jin whispered. “Why?” The younger male questioned. “Don’t worry it won’t be permanent,” Jin whispered again. “You can’t leave me alone here,” Ryo cried realizing that Jin was leaving him. “I’m sorry Ryo-chan, we can’t live this way anymore,” Jin replied sadly. “I don’t understand, I thought you loved me,” the younger man asked in confusion. “Ryo-chan, I love you but you don’t love me the same way I love you,” the older man replied. “I don’t understand, I love you,” Ryo cried again as he buried his face in Jin’s chest. “It’s not the same love,” Jin whispered softly as he hugged Ryo with tears trailing down his face.
“I may seem mean, I may seem rude but I didn’t want to be seen that way,” the younger male whispered. “I couldn’t express myself properly, I couldn’t show weakness because of my pride,” the younger male continued. “I couldn’t show my love or my support because I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to be seen as a mean or a rude person but halfway through I stopped caring. I stopped believing, stopped wanting, I stopped living. I forgot what it meant to believe, to want, or to live, but I met you,” the younger male cried as he held tightly to Jin afraid that the older male would leave the moment he let go. “You taught me what happiness was and I started to understand what it was to believe, to want, and to live again. Without you I won’t be able to face the world. Without you I won’t be able to survive. Isn’t that what love is? Ryo cried, staring straight into Jin’s eyes as tears freely ran down his face.
Unable to look the younger male in the eye, Jin stared at the oversized picture of Ryo and himself grinning at each other hanging on the wall, down the hall. “Ryo-chan, you’re so precious to me and I don’t want to lose you,” Jin started. “If you don’t want to lose me then don’t leave me,” Ryo reasoned. “It’s not that simple,” Jin replied as he finally looked in Ryo’s eyes. “Don’t look so sad, It’s not fair, You’re the one leaving me,” Ryo glared as he saw Jin’s eyes filled with sorrow through clouded tears. “I’m sorry,” Jin whispered. With the two words Ryo understood that Jin was really leaving him. In confusion, anger, and sadness Ryo fell to his knees and cried as Jin left through the front door, never turning back.
Unknown to Ryo, Jin leaned outside against the front door listening to Ryo’s sobs, crying himself and unable to breath properly. “If only I was stronger I wouldn’t leave,” Jin whispered as he tried to silence his cries. Reaching out for his cell phone, Jin whipped away his tears and called Yamapi. “Jin, why are you calling me so late?” the male on the other side of the line groaned. “I’m leaving him, I‘m going to America,” Jin replied. “What? Are you crazy?” Yamapi yelled. “He shouldn’t be with me, I know that the two of you love each other,” Jin whispered. “You can’t leave him, he’ll be torn. He loves you, he depends on you, and as much as I love him, he only loves me as a friend,” Yamapi cried. “Ryo-chan is like a lost little kid without you, he’ll be like a car without wheels,” Yamapi whispered, sounding lost himself. “I’m coming over,” was the last thing Yamapi said before hanging up.
Ryo opened the door to see Jin still standing outside. Wrapping his arms around Jin’s waist Ryo leaned against Jin’s back. “I don’t care if you think our love is different, I still want to be with you,” Ryo whispered. “Ryo…” Jin whispered. “I said that I wanted to be with you… Isn’t that alright? You can’t tell me what my feelings are,” Ryo yelled while hugging Jin tighter. Unable to resist his temptations anymore Jin pulled Ryo’s arms away from him, turned around, and pulled Ryo into a desperate kiss.
Yamapi arrived and saw the two kissing through the window of his car. Leaning back against his seat he cried in hurt and relief. “Ryo-chan, you can always depend on me… I wish you could look this way and need me. I wish you could love me back but I’m glad the one you love is Jin because I know Jin will be able to take care of you. Jin will be able to protect you and he will also be the one that understands you,” Yamapi said to himself as he drove away unable to watch the touching scene any longer. To drown away the unbearable pain, Yamapi went to a bar and relieved his pain through many glasses of alcohol. Even if it was unbearable, even if it didn’t feel fair Yamapi knew that deep down in his heart that he loved his friends too much to get in the way. Starting to feel tired, he let darkness take over as the scene of Jin and Ryo kissing each other desperately replayed.
“I’m so sorry, I was afraid that you would leave me, I was insecure.” Jin said while staring to Ryo’s eyes. “I was selfish, and I thought that you didn’t love me the way I loved you,” Jin continued as he put his right hand on Ryo’s head. “I don’t know how to apologize or make it up to you,” Jin whispered. “Apologize to me by telling me you’ll never try to or leave me again,” Ryo demanded. “I won’t ever leave or try to leave you again nor will I doubt your love for me,” Jin replied as he pulled Ryo into another hug.
They spent the rest of the night cuddling in bed with Ryo occasionally making Jin get him snacks and massage him. “I don’t want cookies anymore, I want ice cream now,” Ryo pouted. “You’re totally taking advantage of me aren’t you?” Jin laughed making Ryo stick his tongue out at him. “Are you getting it or not?” Ryo pouted again. “Fine, only for you,” Jin laughed before petting Ryo’s head making Ryo smile. Everyone has secrets and insecurities buried in in their hearts and Jin knew that he’ll be able to overcome them and stay with Ryo forever.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst and fluff
Summary: When a person is insecure that person would try to avoid as much pain as possible. When a person is confused that person would stick to what s/he believes. Even when a person is hurt s/he would not want to tear apart the happiness of another for their own.
“Jin?” a sleepy voice called out from the end of the hallway. The older man paused from opening the door and didn’t respond. “Jin?” The younger male called again as he walked closer to Jin. Again the older didn’t respond, silently standing by the doorway. “Where are you going this late at night?” the younger male asked. Staring sadly at the younger male, Jin didn’t respond but pulled the younger male into a hug. “Jin, What’s going on?!” the younger male panicked as he saw cases of luggage next to Jin.
“Ryo-chan, I’m leaving for America,” Jin whispered. “Why?” The younger male questioned. “Don’t worry it won’t be permanent,” Jin whispered again. “You can’t leave me alone here,” Ryo cried realizing that Jin was leaving him. “I’m sorry Ryo-chan, we can’t live this way anymore,” Jin replied sadly. “I don’t understand, I thought you loved me,” the younger man asked in confusion. “Ryo-chan, I love you but you don’t love me the same way I love you,” the older man replied. “I don’t understand, I love you,” Ryo cried again as he buried his face in Jin’s chest. “It’s not the same love,” Jin whispered softly as he hugged Ryo with tears trailing down his face.
“I may seem mean, I may seem rude but I didn’t want to be seen that way,” the younger male whispered. “I couldn’t express myself properly, I couldn’t show weakness because of my pride,” the younger male continued. “I couldn’t show my love or my support because I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to be seen as a mean or a rude person but halfway through I stopped caring. I stopped believing, stopped wanting, I stopped living. I forgot what it meant to believe, to want, or to live, but I met you,” the younger male cried as he held tightly to Jin afraid that the older male would leave the moment he let go. “You taught me what happiness was and I started to understand what it was to believe, to want, and to live again. Without you I won’t be able to face the world. Without you I won’t be able to survive. Isn’t that what love is? Ryo cried, staring straight into Jin’s eyes as tears freely ran down his face.
Unable to look the younger male in the eye, Jin stared at the oversized picture of Ryo and himself grinning at each other hanging on the wall, down the hall. “Ryo-chan, you’re so precious to me and I don’t want to lose you,” Jin started. “If you don’t want to lose me then don’t leave me,” Ryo reasoned. “It’s not that simple,” Jin replied as he finally looked in Ryo’s eyes. “Don’t look so sad, It’s not fair, You’re the one leaving me,” Ryo glared as he saw Jin’s eyes filled with sorrow through clouded tears. “I’m sorry,” Jin whispered. With the two words Ryo understood that Jin was really leaving him. In confusion, anger, and sadness Ryo fell to his knees and cried as Jin left through the front door, never turning back.
Unknown to Ryo, Jin leaned outside against the front door listening to Ryo’s sobs, crying himself and unable to breath properly. “If only I was stronger I wouldn’t leave,” Jin whispered as he tried to silence his cries. Reaching out for his cell phone, Jin whipped away his tears and called Yamapi. “Jin, why are you calling me so late?” the male on the other side of the line groaned. “I’m leaving him, I‘m going to America,” Jin replied. “What? Are you crazy?” Yamapi yelled. “He shouldn’t be with me, I know that the two of you love each other,” Jin whispered. “You can’t leave him, he’ll be torn. He loves you, he depends on you, and as much as I love him, he only loves me as a friend,” Yamapi cried. “Ryo-chan is like a lost little kid without you, he’ll be like a car without wheels,” Yamapi whispered, sounding lost himself. “I’m coming over,” was the last thing Yamapi said before hanging up.
Ryo opened the door to see Jin still standing outside. Wrapping his arms around Jin’s waist Ryo leaned against Jin’s back. “I don’t care if you think our love is different, I still want to be with you,” Ryo whispered. “Ryo…” Jin whispered. “I said that I wanted to be with you… Isn’t that alright? You can’t tell me what my feelings are,” Ryo yelled while hugging Jin tighter. Unable to resist his temptations anymore Jin pulled Ryo’s arms away from him, turned around, and pulled Ryo into a desperate kiss.
Yamapi arrived and saw the two kissing through the window of his car. Leaning back against his seat he cried in hurt and relief. “Ryo-chan, you can always depend on me… I wish you could look this way and need me. I wish you could love me back but I’m glad the one you love is Jin because I know Jin will be able to take care of you. Jin will be able to protect you and he will also be the one that understands you,” Yamapi said to himself as he drove away unable to watch the touching scene any longer. To drown away the unbearable pain, Yamapi went to a bar and relieved his pain through many glasses of alcohol. Even if it was unbearable, even if it didn’t feel fair Yamapi knew that deep down in his heart that he loved his friends too much to get in the way. Starting to feel tired, he let darkness take over as the scene of Jin and Ryo kissing each other desperately replayed.
“I’m so sorry, I was afraid that you would leave me, I was insecure.” Jin said while staring to Ryo’s eyes. “I was selfish, and I thought that you didn’t love me the way I loved you,” Jin continued as he put his right hand on Ryo’s head. “I don’t know how to apologize or make it up to you,” Jin whispered. “Apologize to me by telling me you’ll never try to or leave me again,” Ryo demanded. “I won’t ever leave or try to leave you again nor will I doubt your love for me,” Jin replied as he pulled Ryo into another hug.
They spent the rest of the night cuddling in bed with Ryo occasionally making Jin get him snacks and massage him. “I don’t want cookies anymore, I want ice cream now,” Ryo pouted. “You’re totally taking advantage of me aren’t you?” Jin laughed making Ryo stick his tongue out at him. “Are you getting it or not?” Ryo pouted again. “Fine, only for you,” Jin laughed before petting Ryo’s head making Ryo smile. Everyone has secrets and insecurities buried in in their hearts and Jin knew that he’ll be able to overcome them and stay with Ryo forever.