(no subject)
*restless and headachy* I can't settle down. I need to cncentrate on working on the Kibitzer, but I can't make myself - GOD, it's frustrating!
I'll be spending a good part of next week with my mother, playing the chauffeur/housekeeper. Maybe it's just my mood right now, but THAT'S frustrating to me, too.
I've been abusing the coffee more than usual this week, and I don't know that it's helped anything.
Kids are making me nuts...the girls' infighting, Kenneth's demands...I feel like shoving them outside for a few hours. Of course, I can't - it's a hundred million degrees out.
Jay's staying out of the way, so I have nothing to be flustered at him about.
I have crafty projects that want doing, and they're driving me nuts too.
My grandmother is coming to visit end of next week. This is my dad's mom, the one who has had several "minor" strokes over the last two or three years. I'm almost afraid to see what those have done to the sharp perceptive woman I knew growing up. She sounds so vague on the phone... Anyway - that's why I'm going to help Mom clean up her house. Gods...Mom on a cleaning bender...she's worse than I am.
Jay got his MindStorm yesterday and has been playing with it. While I'm interested, I'm overwhelmed by all the pieces. My brain runs screaming away from the idea of doing anything with it - like it fears overload. *shaking head*
I feel like I've lost all confidence in doing anything. I'm too scared to try to do anything because I can't stand to do a half-assed job. This is why I don't criticize the kids' work - I don't want them to become like I am. Sarah's already got that tendency - I don't want to feed it.
Jay came up and talked to me a bit as I wrote that last. I told him how I was feeling and cried a little and he hugged me and said that he'd help where he could. "I know you can do it," he said. What would I do without that man??
Isn't part of being adult taking care of the responsibilities first, at the cost of anything and everything fun? Or is it more trying to find a balance of the two - knowing when you're burning out and it's time to satisfy that niggling itch at the back of your brain telling you that you need to do something else? How is it those who ARE able to do what they love are able to handle day-to-day crapola living, too?
I'll be spending a good part of next week with my mother, playing the chauffeur/housekeeper. Maybe it's just my mood right now, but THAT'S frustrating to me, too.
I've been abusing the coffee more than usual this week, and I don't know that it's helped anything.
Kids are making me nuts...the girls' infighting, Kenneth's demands...I feel like shoving them outside for a few hours. Of course, I can't - it's a hundred million degrees out.
Jay's staying out of the way, so I have nothing to be flustered at him about.
I have crafty projects that want doing, and they're driving me nuts too.
My grandmother is coming to visit end of next week. This is my dad's mom, the one who has had several "minor" strokes over the last two or three years. I'm almost afraid to see what those have done to the sharp perceptive woman I knew growing up. She sounds so vague on the phone... Anyway - that's why I'm going to help Mom clean up her house. Gods...Mom on a cleaning bender...she's worse than I am.
Jay got his MindStorm yesterday and has been playing with it. While I'm interested, I'm overwhelmed by all the pieces. My brain runs screaming away from the idea of doing anything with it - like it fears overload. *shaking head*
I feel like I've lost all confidence in doing anything. I'm too scared to try to do anything because I can't stand to do a half-assed job. This is why I don't criticize the kids' work - I don't want them to become like I am. Sarah's already got that tendency - I don't want to feed it.
Jay came up and talked to me a bit as I wrote that last. I told him how I was feeling and cried a little and he hugged me and said that he'd help where he could. "I know you can do it," he said. What would I do without that man??
Isn't part of being adult taking care of the responsibilities first, at the cost of anything and everything fun? Or is it more trying to find a balance of the two - knowing when you're burning out and it's time to satisfy that niggling itch at the back of your brain telling you that you need to do something else? How is it those who ARE able to do what they love are able to handle day-to-day crapola living, too?