(no subject)
I haven't felt like this in a long time. Did anybody get the license of the truck that hit me? I almost feel like I could sleep for a week.
I was watching Jay at the meeting tonight and he seemed so pale and almost exotic-looking next to all the Indians and darker folks there. I knew he was tired, exhausted almost, and it translated to a translucency about him. I worry when he gets that frail-looking.
I was feeling very anti-social and just stayed close to him.
It's nice working for Bass. The company is small enough (personnel-wise) that you get to know quite a few people pretty well. Deb Bass, the CEO, is a sweet lady (and I mean that in the old-fashioned sense of the word - gal's got class). Bruce, our vice-president, is a practical joker and makes us all laugh. Chris F, our department supervisor, is the one who keeps us all from going nuts when a project isn't going well. He's always there with a positive word and a pat on the back. I consider myself extremely lucky that my first "real" job is with such a great company.
I do feel that I haven't been on top of my game lately. My memory slips and I get distracted easily. I'm just so tired and sore that doing anything for someone else seems like a bad idea - like I'd mess it up somehow.
I feel a little better now than when I first wrote this entry. I gave up and took a tramadol. I found out today that tramdol is a drug that's used for long-term pain management of arthritis symptoms. My big problem with it is that it makes me a bit loopy, so I don't take it when I know I'll have to drive (which is most of the daylight hours). I'm not convinced the sulfasalazine is helping me much, but I'll wait until I see Dr. Wildy on the 20th before giving up on it.
Another thing I was reminded of today is meditation. I've done it before, but haven't lately. In particular, "mindfulness-based stress reduction" is useful for chronic pain management. I'm thinking about getting the first series of CDs on payday - it's only $30.
Dr. Kabat-Zinn is internationally known as a meditation teacher, author, researcher, and clinician in the fields of mind/body medicine, integrative medicine, lifestyle change, and self-healing. He is an expert in stress reduction, relaxation, and the applications of mindfulness meditation in everyday living to optimize one's capacity to face stress, pain, and illness across the lifespan. This work is now referred to by health professionals as mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), and is offered in medical centers, hospitals, and clinics around the world....
These programs are an extremely effective way to develop and deepen a personal meditation practice without the ideological and cultural trappings that so often make it difficult for Westerners to drop into what is deepest and most beautiful, most liberating and most healing about meditation. Their use provides a very real opportunity to taste those universal aspects of stillness and well-being, clarity, wisdom, compassion, and self-compassion, that Buddhists often refer to as dharma.
After that one meme a while back (where I tested as an "eclectic Wiccan"), I checked out the site for the United Eclectic Wiccan organization. They have a long application process to go through in order to receive instruction. It isn't that they're reluctant to share, it's that they get too many people who aren't serious about the religion and would rather not waste resources on those. I wasn't sure that I felt right about agreeing to all that they profess to believe, so I decided not to continue. In particular, they want applicants to state that they harbor no ill feeling toward any other faith for past injuries. I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive the Mormon church yet. I'm also not sure about the polytheistic nature of Wicca.
I suppose I'm still in search of a formal belief. I don't really have rituals, I don't really believe anything in particular about God/s/ess/es. I know there's Something out there, but I don't know Its name or nature, and I don't think it's important that I do. It's not even important that I believe in It - It is what It is, and my un/belief isn't going to change that. I can speculate all I want about the afterlife, but I won't know until I get there, and again, my thoughts on the matter won't change the reality of it. All I can do is focus on what I DO know - my family and my day-to-day world - and try to make it as good as I can, and try to leave it better than I found it.
I was watching Jay at the meeting tonight and he seemed so pale and almost exotic-looking next to all the Indians and darker folks there. I knew he was tired, exhausted almost, and it translated to a translucency about him. I worry when he gets that frail-looking.
I was feeling very anti-social and just stayed close to him.
It's nice working for Bass. The company is small enough (personnel-wise) that you get to know quite a few people pretty well. Deb Bass, the CEO, is a sweet lady (and I mean that in the old-fashioned sense of the word - gal's got class). Bruce, our vice-president, is a practical joker and makes us all laugh. Chris F, our department supervisor, is the one who keeps us all from going nuts when a project isn't going well. He's always there with a positive word and a pat on the back. I consider myself extremely lucky that my first "real" job is with such a great company.
I do feel that I haven't been on top of my game lately. My memory slips and I get distracted easily. I'm just so tired and sore that doing anything for someone else seems like a bad idea - like I'd mess it up somehow.
I feel a little better now than when I first wrote this entry. I gave up and took a tramadol. I found out today that tramdol is a drug that's used for long-term pain management of arthritis symptoms. My big problem with it is that it makes me a bit loopy, so I don't take it when I know I'll have to drive (which is most of the daylight hours). I'm not convinced the sulfasalazine is helping me much, but I'll wait until I see Dr. Wildy on the 20th before giving up on it.
Another thing I was reminded of today is meditation. I've done it before, but haven't lately. In particular, "mindfulness-based stress reduction" is useful for chronic pain management. I'm thinking about getting the first series of CDs on payday - it's only $30.
Dr. Kabat-Zinn is internationally known as a meditation teacher, author, researcher, and clinician in the fields of mind/body medicine, integrative medicine, lifestyle change, and self-healing. He is an expert in stress reduction, relaxation, and the applications of mindfulness meditation in everyday living to optimize one's capacity to face stress, pain, and illness across the lifespan. This work is now referred to by health professionals as mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), and is offered in medical centers, hospitals, and clinics around the world....
These programs are an extremely effective way to develop and deepen a personal meditation practice without the ideological and cultural trappings that so often make it difficult for Westerners to drop into what is deepest and most beautiful, most liberating and most healing about meditation. Their use provides a very real opportunity to taste those universal aspects of stillness and well-being, clarity, wisdom, compassion, and self-compassion, that Buddhists often refer to as dharma.
After that one meme a while back (where I tested as an "eclectic Wiccan"), I checked out the site for the United Eclectic Wiccan organization. They have a long application process to go through in order to receive instruction. It isn't that they're reluctant to share, it's that they get too many people who aren't serious about the religion and would rather not waste resources on those. I wasn't sure that I felt right about agreeing to all that they profess to believe, so I decided not to continue. In particular, they want applicants to state that they harbor no ill feeling toward any other faith for past injuries. I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive the Mormon church yet. I'm also not sure about the polytheistic nature of Wicca.
I suppose I'm still in search of a formal belief. I don't really have rituals, I don't really believe anything in particular about God/s/ess/es. I know there's Something out there, but I don't know Its name or nature, and I don't think it's important that I do. It's not even important that I believe in It - It is what It is, and my un/belief isn't going to change that. I can speculate all I want about the afterlife, but I won't know until I get there, and again, my thoughts on the matter won't change the reality of it. All I can do is focus on what I DO know - my family and my day-to-day world - and try to make it as good as I can, and try to leave it better than I found it.