sleepless
today was going so well. I felt good and I was in a good mood. then I try and go to sleep and now I'm so stressed out.
Some of you have heard me talk about a group I have for my Creative Non fiction class. We have a presentation on Monday, and I've not heard anything about when we plan to meet to nail down what we are doing. Well as far as I know they haven't met. I've been emailing one of the group members and asking for information, and all I've heard in the last 4 days is nothing! I'm so pissed off and stressed about this.
Either I'm gonna have to carry the group on Monday, or I'm gonna have to do my best to fill in the holes they leave, and hope for the best. I fear that on the group evaluations I'm gonna get a shitty grade from them when they have completely failed to contact me on anything. At least I attempted to get their emails. I asked the teacher in an email 2 weeks ago for them and she finally got them to me this past monday. I've explained to her the situation, but I'm not sure she knows who to trust.
I can't believe people can be so irresponible.
others things are stressing me out too. I need to write a literary journalism piece by monday as well. To be honest I've got a great idea, but I'm worrying, like always, about all the small details. I know in my head my concept is a great concept for this piece. It's goning to be really hard to write it the way I want though i fear. All i can do is sit down and start writing granted but for me that is always so frakkin hard.
jeez everytime I go to lay down my heart stops pounding, and my stomach is feeling all nasty(not nauscous,) and my brain won't shut the hell up.
I swear where is mental Denise with that beatstick when you need her?
gah!!!! and I was feeling so good cause I finally came to a startling revelation! I've been wanting a girlfriend for a while now, and I finally started asking myself why would I want such a thing. My answers were;
Lonely: people want a girlfriend to have someone that can be there for them for whatever reason. But I've got a large amount of friends and all of them are great people. So i'm never lonely!
Horniness: some people want a girlfriend because they desire a physical connection most likely via sex. To be perfectly honest I'm not a horny bastard. Seriously I do think about sex but really not all that often. and if I wanted sex I don't need a girlfriend for that.
Society says so: Lastly it feels that everyone has one and it is something one has to have by this(29 years old) point in life. I think i fall into this category. I can't think of a good reason that I want a girlfriend.
I think it's a combination of that and just the fact it is something i don't have, and as the saying goes "you want what you don't have." I've also noticed those that get girlfriends weren't wanting girlfriends perse, but just going about life normally and just happened to meet someone that they wanted to spend that kind of time with and form that kind of relathionship with.
It's really refreshing to find that the reason you want and agonize over something is so silly, and in the end not worth it. it is a hard thing still to stop wanting/agonizing, but knowing this makes it a bit more tolerable.
sigh....I hate not being able to sleep because when i do get to sleep I won't want to wake up and this is gonna fuck up my sleep pattern all to hell.
now i'm just rambling for no good reason so I'll end it here I guess.
Some of you have heard me talk about a group I have for my Creative Non fiction class. We have a presentation on Monday, and I've not heard anything about when we plan to meet to nail down what we are doing. Well as far as I know they haven't met. I've been emailing one of the group members and asking for information, and all I've heard in the last 4 days is nothing! I'm so pissed off and stressed about this.
Either I'm gonna have to carry the group on Monday, or I'm gonna have to do my best to fill in the holes they leave, and hope for the best. I fear that on the group evaluations I'm gonna get a shitty grade from them when they have completely failed to contact me on anything. At least I attempted to get their emails. I asked the teacher in an email 2 weeks ago for them and she finally got them to me this past monday. I've explained to her the situation, but I'm not sure she knows who to trust.
I can't believe people can be so irresponible.
others things are stressing me out too. I need to write a literary journalism piece by monday as well. To be honest I've got a great idea, but I'm worrying, like always, about all the small details. I know in my head my concept is a great concept for this piece. It's goning to be really hard to write it the way I want though i fear. All i can do is sit down and start writing granted but for me that is always so frakkin hard.
jeez everytime I go to lay down my heart stops pounding, and my stomach is feeling all nasty(not nauscous,) and my brain won't shut the hell up.
I swear where is mental Denise with that beatstick when you need her?
gah!!!! and I was feeling so good cause I finally came to a startling revelation! I've been wanting a girlfriend for a while now, and I finally started asking myself why would I want such a thing. My answers were;
Lonely: people want a girlfriend to have someone that can be there for them for whatever reason. But I've got a large amount of friends and all of them are great people. So i'm never lonely!
Horniness: some people want a girlfriend because they desire a physical connection most likely via sex. To be perfectly honest I'm not a horny bastard. Seriously I do think about sex but really not all that often. and if I wanted sex I don't need a girlfriend for that.
Society says so: Lastly it feels that everyone has one and it is something one has to have by this(29 years old) point in life. I think i fall into this category. I can't think of a good reason that I want a girlfriend.
I think it's a combination of that and just the fact it is something i don't have, and as the saying goes "you want what you don't have." I've also noticed those that get girlfriends weren't wanting girlfriends perse, but just going about life normally and just happened to meet someone that they wanted to spend that kind of time with and form that kind of relathionship with.
It's really refreshing to find that the reason you want and agonize over something is so silly, and in the end not worth it. it is a hard thing still to stop wanting/agonizing, but knowing this makes it a bit more tolerable.
sigh....I hate not being able to sleep because when i do get to sleep I won't want to wake up and this is gonna fuck up my sleep pattern all to hell.
now i'm just rambling for no good reason so I'll end it here I guess.