(no subject)
Tomorrow I go to work. And the next day. And the next. And the next. And the next.
And then it will be weekend, which will no doubt be full of things to do and having to catch up with friends or clean the house which I was supposed to do this weekend. There will be no time to rest.
And then the whole cycle will start again.
I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I'm just passing the time. I feel gloomy, like I'm really just wasting the time away until I die.
And my enjoyment of my evening job at Tamarket reminds me just how much I dislike the people at my day job. Rochelle looks through me all day, especially when she comes in in the morning, dumping the mail on my desk then turning to greet everyone else, even if I say good morning to her. Penny will smile at me but I hear her and Kylie snicker about me, like they don't even try to hide it. Kylie interprets everything I do or say as 'attitude' and responds in turn with her own. Christine is clueless, and I don't feel I can get any help from her. When they do a group order from a cafe/fast food place, they'll even ring the warehouse to find out if the boys want anything, but I'm not asked.
The new girl, Danielle, is fast making friends with the other office girls.
Wednesday night I broke down at my mother's and cried and cried while she stroked my back, glad to let my forced happy face have a rest. I smile so much when I want to cry. I pretend to be happy when I'm not, to the point I'd even fooled myself. I thought I liked my job--and maybe I do, I enjoy the work, I really do--but the people I have to work with will drive me to tears without fail.
I wish I worked more evenings at Tamarket. They keep me smiling. Tomorrow night I get to see Trishe again, and Stella, and laugh with them and share my recommended manga, and I can talk to them because I'm not the odd one out.
Because at my day job, being a girl while liking comic books, and video games and horror films, and dressing alternatively and GOD FORBID liking other girls, is just not on. And Marty, who I've been openly chatting to about comics and my interests, who seems genuinely interested, is leaving in two weeks.
Someone, help me.
[/emo moment]
And then it will be weekend, which will no doubt be full of things to do and having to catch up with friends or clean the house which I was supposed to do this weekend. There will be no time to rest.
And then the whole cycle will start again.
I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I'm just passing the time. I feel gloomy, like I'm really just wasting the time away until I die.
And my enjoyment of my evening job at Tamarket reminds me just how much I dislike the people at my day job. Rochelle looks through me all day, especially when she comes in in the morning, dumping the mail on my desk then turning to greet everyone else, even if I say good morning to her. Penny will smile at me but I hear her and Kylie snicker about me, like they don't even try to hide it. Kylie interprets everything I do or say as 'attitude' and responds in turn with her own. Christine is clueless, and I don't feel I can get any help from her. When they do a group order from a cafe/fast food place, they'll even ring the warehouse to find out if the boys want anything, but I'm not asked.
The new girl, Danielle, is fast making friends with the other office girls.
Wednesday night I broke down at my mother's and cried and cried while she stroked my back, glad to let my forced happy face have a rest. I smile so much when I want to cry. I pretend to be happy when I'm not, to the point I'd even fooled myself. I thought I liked my job--and maybe I do, I enjoy the work, I really do--but the people I have to work with will drive me to tears without fail.
I wish I worked more evenings at Tamarket. They keep me smiling. Tomorrow night I get to see Trishe again, and Stella, and laugh with them and share my recommended manga, and I can talk to them because I'm not the odd one out.
Because at my day job, being a girl while liking comic books, and video games and horror films, and dressing alternatively and GOD FORBID liking other girls, is just not on. And Marty, who I've been openly chatting to about comics and my interests, who seems genuinely interested, is leaving in two weeks.
Someone, help me.
[/emo moment]