Oh look I'm having one of those insecure moments.
I'm in that anxious zone this evening where I'm in that state of mind where everyone's off doing things together and having tons of fun and I'm not there because they don''t need me there to have fun god Ryo what are you even thinking. It's not a great state of mind to be in because it just basically makes me feel like shit and makes me want to do things I don't really want to do just so I can be involved.
So even though it's one of those rare times where everyone that I love is on MSN, I can't even bring myself to quietly poke any of them because I feel like I'm being a fucking nuisance by interrupting them from their coolkid things. Awesomesauce. Most of the time I'm living on the best self-esteem high and then occasionally it's like I lost too much oxygen from being up there and toppled down at breakneck speed to faceplant the depression-concrete below.
No, that's not right, because I'm not depressed as such, I'm just... well. Who knows. After I finish this post I'll just quietly sneak away to bed.
In slightly happier news, the dress I had bought to wear for Homestuck Homecoming is beautiful. I took it out of its packaging (it arrived in the mail yesterday) and was like 'oh okay' because the design is pretty simple, but my goodness when I tried it on... it's elegant and gorgeous, it clings in all the right places and is very flattering. I'd love to wear this dress more often, I'm reluctant to paint it! Or maybe I'll buy another one, it was one of those ones from a cheap mass-produced eBay store, so then I could cut and paint this one the way I'd intended.
And on another totally different topic, cross-posted from my Tumblr; I catch myself saying 'ciao' a lot when saying goodbye these days. I couldn’t figure out where the habit came from and decided it must have been the Italian setting from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. So then I found myself amused at every time I caught myself doing it (since I keep slipping up and saying it even without thinking).
But then I realised it wasn’t the JJBA influence at all (after all, if it was, wouldn’t I use ‘arrivederci’?). It was because that’s what Molina and Valentin used to say to one another in Kiss of the Spider Woman before they went to sleep in their prison cell.
I can’t quite express how much adoration I have for that sad, beautiful and ultimately tragic love story. And now when I say ‘ciao’ to someone it makes me think of Molina, and I’m a little bit sad, but also a little happy that I’m obviously unconsciously thinking about a story-and a pair of characters-that I really love.
- And?
- Tomorrow we’ll go on. Ciao, sleep tight.
- You’ll pay for this.
- See you in the morning.
- Ciao.
So even though it's one of those rare times where everyone that I love is on MSN, I can't even bring myself to quietly poke any of them because I feel like I'm being a fucking nuisance by interrupting them from their coolkid things. Awesomesauce. Most of the time I'm living on the best self-esteem high and then occasionally it's like I lost too much oxygen from being up there and toppled down at breakneck speed to faceplant the depression-concrete below.
No, that's not right, because I'm not depressed as such, I'm just... well. Who knows. After I finish this post I'll just quietly sneak away to bed.
In slightly happier news, the dress I had bought to wear for Homestuck Homecoming is beautiful. I took it out of its packaging (it arrived in the mail yesterday) and was like 'oh okay' because the design is pretty simple, but my goodness when I tried it on... it's elegant and gorgeous, it clings in all the right places and is very flattering. I'd love to wear this dress more often, I'm reluctant to paint it! Or maybe I'll buy another one, it was one of those ones from a cheap mass-produced eBay store, so then I could cut and paint this one the way I'd intended.
And on another totally different topic, cross-posted from my Tumblr; I catch myself saying 'ciao' a lot when saying goodbye these days. I couldn’t figure out where the habit came from and decided it must have been the Italian setting from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. So then I found myself amused at every time I caught myself doing it (since I keep slipping up and saying it even without thinking).
But then I realised it wasn’t the JJBA influence at all (after all, if it was, wouldn’t I use ‘arrivederci’?). It was because that’s what Molina and Valentin used to say to one another in Kiss of the Spider Woman before they went to sleep in their prison cell.
I can’t quite express how much adoration I have for that sad, beautiful and ultimately tragic love story. And now when I say ‘ciao’ to someone it makes me think of Molina, and I’m a little bit sad, but also a little happy that I’m obviously unconsciously thinking about a story-and a pair of characters-that I really love.
- And?
- Tomorrow we’ll go on. Ciao, sleep tight.
- You’ll pay for this.
- See you in the morning.
- Ciao.