Touch
Funny how the simplest of touches evokes the deepest responses.
Chinen Yuri is tired.
Between his career, his family, and his friends, Chinen Yuri had lived almost all his life balancing these three main aspects of his life. It’s like he’s doing a balancing act while juggling three balls up in the air.
The real kicker is, life decided to throw in one more ball: love. As if it’s not hard enough that he’s an idol in love, he even had to be attracted to the same sex.
Worse, he fell for his best friend.
Chinen knew he has to stop whatever he’s feeling for their ace. God knows how many times he had tried, and ultimately failed, to crush the feelings he has for Yamada. He knows that the older only looks after him like he does for a younger brother. All the spoiling from Yamada that Chinen exploits in order to be closer to him, even if for just a little bit.
It’s the touches that affect Chinen the most.
He knows that he should not be affected, that the skinship they’re showing is nothing more than fanservice. And yet, he can’t help but be the first to turn away when that gaze lands on his, coupled with the ace's hand around his neck.
So when he decided to confess, to get the rejection he dreaded since day one, to finally get over Yamada, he was surprised by his reaction.
He actually accepted him.
Chinen was of course, elated. Relieved. Most of all, he was crying tears of joy from having the person he loved be in his arms, not as a best friend, but as a lover.
Chinen felt like he’s on the clouds, and yet, at the back of his head, there’s something nagging at him.
-*-*-
It was not until a few months later Chinen was able to put a finger on what's been bugging him. Call it sixth sense or whatever, but it's a known fact on how scarily accurate Chinen's intuition is. Most of the time, Chinen is quite thankful for this, it helps him give better reactions in doing his job.
This time however, he wishes he remained oblivious. After all, ignorance is bliss.
He saw how the older look at one particular member, how he interacted with him. More importantly, how Yamada's face fell when Inoo approaches Arioka. Watching this scene, something clicked inside Chinen's mind, connecting all the pieces.
Ah.
I'm someone called a rebound, huh?
Chinen immediately left the practice room, mumbling an excuse about needing a toilet break, hurrying so no one sees the tears threatening to fall.
-*-*-
Chinen Yuri is tired.
The past two years had been both a blessing and a curse to the little giant. Being with Yamada made him feel happy, even if just for a bit. His touches and kisses sends him in a frenzy he didn't even know he's capable of.
On the other hand, it also made him feel extremely guilty. Guilty that he's exploiting the older's kindness, of his vulnerability, just so he can stake his claim to him. Chinen knows it's wrong, that it's disgusting of him to do it, knowing that Yamada may have had better chances of confessing and actually being with Arioka if he wasn't trapped in a relationship with him.
And so here they are, shooting their Christmas message to their fans.
Honestly speaking, Chinen has been out of it for most of the shoot. He knows how Yamada has been eyeing, or more like glaring, Inoo as he stood next to Arioka. He felt him grasp for his hand, but he acted as if he's oblivious to his actions. He knows his other hand is firmly holding Arioka.
As it should be.
He just couldn't bear it anymore, and something in him finally gave up. The last of his broken pieces finally crumbled to dust.
And so he finally held Yamada's hand with a resolve.
This is the last time.