Full Circle
Pairing: Jun/Toma, Ohmiya (side, very small), Ohno/Matsumoto/Ninomiya (friendship)
Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff
Rating: PG-13 language
Note: Sequel to I'll Always Come Back to You Part 1 Part 2, but could be read as a stand along
Summary: Jun had screwed up, but after all these years there was still one person he could never get over: Toma.
“Hi Jun,” Jun smiled as he looked down at the man waiting for him at the table.
“Hello, Toma” Jun greeted back. It was weird how they acted around each other after so long. It was weird almost too proper for people who had dated for five years before and had had a terrible break up.
Jun sat down and Toma twirled his finger around the rim of the coffee cup that he was holding. Jun looked at the man in front of him and smiled. “You haven’t changed at all.” Jun said. Toma still had his awkward haircut and still had an affinity for flannel shirts and jeans.
“God, I hope I’ve changed,” Toma laughed, but there was a seriousness behind his jovial tone. The conversation died down and they were met with an awkward silence.
“To be honest, I was surprised that you called me. We haven’t talked in years. I didn’t even think that you still had my number.” Toma said.
Of course I still had your number, I’ve called you countless times from payphones before just to hear your voice. That was what Jun wanted to say, but he couldn’t. Maybe it was his pride or his general sense of the discomfort of Toma, but Jun just said, “I figured I’d give an old friend a call.”
It wasn’t the right thing to say, Jun knew and when Toma flinched at being referred to as ‘an old friend’ Jun wanted to take it back, but he couldn’t.
“So how’s it going with Ninomiya-san?” Toma asked and Jun was startled. Toma shouldn’t have known about Ninomiya, but then again there was a time when they were plastered on every billboard in Tokyo.
“We broke up about two years ago.” Toma blushed at his mistake.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized in the general post-breakup protocol.
“I’m not.” Jun said. They dove into silence once more. “I missed you.” Perhaps that was the most honest thing that Jun had said in a long time, but it instantly made Toma uncomfortable.
“Stop. Let’s not do this.” Toma squirmed under Jun’s gaze, but Jun pressed on.
“Why? Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked.
“That’s not the point. We’re over, we’ve been over for four years now.”
“I’m not asking for anything serious,” Jun said cheekily. “We used to be really good together.”
“Just stop Jun. You’re making things worse.” Toma said and stood up. “It was nice to see you again.” But the sincerity was lost.
Jun held his head in his hands and sighed. He had screwed up. Not just screwed up but completely blown it. Everything that he had envisioned saying had been lost on his tongue and instead he made it seem like Toma was just a random fuck. Jun wanted more, so much more, but he couldn’t convey that, and now, he probably didn’t even have the right to.
When he left the café, he checked his phone and saw several messages from Ohno and Nino asking how the meeting went. He texted them back solely with “I blew it.” And headed home.
He envied them. They were able to patch things up and repair their broken relationship and now they were closer than ever. He walked into the empty apartment and sighed. After he moved out of the apartment that he had previously shared with Nino, he moved out on his own. Of course there had been a few random hookups and one-night stands, but it was never anything serious. Even though he didn’t want to admit it, seeing Ohno and Nino together made him envious. He wanted that. He wanted to come home to somebody who would say “Okaeri,” someone who he knew was going to be there in the morning when he woke up.
He knew who he wanted it to be too. It was the person that once, a long time ago, he had had it with. But he threw it all away. Toma’s reaction shouldn’t have been surprising but it still stung. In his mind, he imagined everything going perfectly, saying the things that he should have said and Toma agreeing, but that was just idealistic thinking.
Jun collapsed on his bed and felt the coldness of being single.
“I love you, Jun.” Toma said as he pushed a piece of hair away from Jun’s face.
Jun smiled and pressed a kiss on Toma’s lips as the cuddled in bed on a day off together.
“I love you, too.” He gently stroked Toma’s bare arm and smiled at the man beside him. They had been together for over a year now, and Jun had never been happier.
Now on the cold, empty bed, Jun crawled over to what was once Toma’s side of the bed and roped his arm over where Toma should have been. For a while, Nino had taken Toma’s place, if just in body and presence, but nobody could really replace Toma. Toma wasn’t somebody who could be replaced. If only Jun had realized that earlier.
The next day on his way to work, he found himself taking a side trip to Toma’s workplace. Though the glass on the outside he saw Toma chatting animatedly with another one of his coworkers and Jun had to wonder if that was the man who had replaced him.
For a split second he could have sworn that Toma saw him, but the minute they made eye contact or Jun thought they did, he resumed walking for fear of seeing Toma’s reaction. Would he be angry or would he just ignore him? Jun wasn’t sure what was worse and didn’t want to stick around to find out.
When he got to the place where it was arranged for the photoshoot to take place, Nino approached him eagerly to find out how the meeting had gone the previous day. Jun knew that Nino and Ohno both had been the ones to give him the push to call up Toma, and Jun had never regretted a decision more, except maybe how they broke up in the first place.
Jun just shook his head and that was all Nino needed to realize that the meeting had not gone as planned. Perhaps it had been too much for Nino to hope that they could get back together. “Come on, after work Satoshi and I will take you out for a few drinks, you look like you need one.” Or three.
The photoshoot went off without a hitch and when Nino and Jun walked out together, they met up with Ohno and headed to the bar that had become their spot for the past three or so years.
Jun had never fully explained to either of them what had happened between him and Toma, from the anecdotes that he had told them, they had gotten enough information to probably fill in the missing pieces but he had never told them why they’d broken up.
While Nino and Ohno had ordered a few beers and paced themselves so as not to get drunk, Jun dove right in and ordered shot after shot to erase the scene that he had seen earlier in the day.
“I still love him.” It was then that Nino and Ohno knew that he was completely drunk because Jun had never spoke so frankly with them. “Even when I was with you I think I was always in love with him.” Both Ohno and Nino bristled at the reference to the period of time when Nino was with Jun, but neither said anything.
“You’re kind of cute.” Jun said shamelessly to the cashier as he waited to pay for his books. Immediately the other, Toma, or so his nametag read, flushed and cleared his throat trying to maintain a professional atmosphere. “That will be 1800 yen.” Jun offered the money and slid in his business card between the notes and winked. “Feel free to give me a call.”
Toma pulled out the business card from the dollars that he put into the cash register, “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day.” He said dryly.
Jun had never expected a call from Toma after his reaction to getting his number but that all changed when his phone rang a few days later.
“Hello,” Jun answered warily, not recognizing the number.
“Hi, my name’s Yamashita Tomohisa, but everyone calls me Yamapi.”
“Do I know you?” Jun asked.
“Nope, but you know my friend, Toma, you even gave him your business card.” Toma. Jun blinked at hearing that name. “He’s really shy, but he wanted to meet up with you so I offered to call instead. Would you like to meet him for coffee?”
Jun practically jumped off the sofa to grab a pen and nearly screamed into the phone, “I’d love to.”
Yamapi gave him the name and time of the meeting that would take place in a coffee shop near Toma’s work and Jun hastily jotted down the information. Tomorrow.
When Jun showed up the next day, he saw Toma sitting alone in the corner already nursing a hot cup of coffee.
“It’s nice to see you again.” Jun said, “I didn’t think you’d be interested.”
Toma looked up and frowned. “Are you stalking me?”
Jun blinked, “No, some guy named Yamapi called and said you wanted to meet.” Toma swore under his breath, Pi had told him he wanted to meet at the café. Seeing Toma’s reaction, Jun looked down disappointed.
“You didn’t want him to call did you?”
“No.” Jun turned to leave, but there was something about the way his shoulders were hunched and his posture exuded sadness that made Toma continue, “But since you’re here, why don’t you have a cup of coffee with me?”
Jun blinked and felt his heart leap with joy. He ordered a cup of coffee and sat down across from Toma, instantly striking up conversation. They talked about everything from their jobs, to Toma’s college life, to their hobbies and everything in between.
“So is handing your number out to random guys your thing.” Toma asked chuckling after he began to feel more comfortable around Jun.
“No, to be honest I’d never done it before that day.”
“Why me then?” Toma scrunched up his face, he was average at best and he had thought that Jun’s actions were only meant to tease him, but now, now he wasn’t sure.
“Because you’re cute and you seemed like a good guy.”
“That’s it?” Toma asked.
“I don’t know how to explain it but yeah.” They continued talking and before either realized it, it was already dark outside.
“I’m sorry about the mix up, but it was nice to talk with you. Have a nice life.” Jun turned to wave, but Toma shyly reached out and asked, “Is it okay if I maybe call that number that you gave me, again?”
Jun beamed and it was then that Toma thought his smile was the most beautiful thing that he’d ever seen. “I’d like that a lot.”
Though Pi had lied about Toma’s interest, he hadn’t lied about Toma being shy; it took him three days to muster up the courage to call Jun and ask to see him again. But though it was the first time he called, it certainly wouldn’t be the last.
After a couple of times meeting, they were strolling around the park after dusk and Jun asked, “Will you be my boyfriend?” And it was only under the dim street lighting that Jun saw Toma’s cheeks flush. He stretched his hand out to intertwine his fingers with Jun’s and smiled. He didn’t need to say anything, it was enough.
Two years later, they moved in together; Three years later, Jun was discovered by a modeling agency on a street corner and a week after that, he got his first job.
As they were lying in bed, Jun cautiously brought up the subject to Toma. “What would you think about me if I was a model?” Toma laughed but when he turned to look at Jun, he saw the serious expression on his face and stifled his laughter.
“Well, if it’s something that you really wanted to do, I’ll support you of course, I mean you’ll still be you, just with a different job, right?”
Jun smiled and pulled Toma in for a kiss. “I love you.” Toma smiled.
Shortly thereafter, Jun became somebody who now posed for magazines and was put on billboards around town. Toma had never imagined that Jun would become famous, but he was proud of his boyfriend.
“Hey, so I was planning the trip to Okinawa that we said we always wanted to go on, I’ve already booked the hotel for two weekends from now since you said you’d be free and I was thinking that we could leave on Friday and come back Monday so you wouldn’t have to miss any work.”
Jun looked chagrined at Toma, “Look I just got a really important job offer and it could change my career completely, so can we go some other time?”
“But you said you’d be free and I already booked the hotel.”
“God, Toma, stop being so selfish. I promise we’ll take another trip, but I can’t do it that weekend.”
“Fine.” Toma didn’t even bother arguing since Jun had already made up his mind. Now a days, every time they made plans Jun’s work always seemed to force him to cancel and blow him off.
One evening about a year later, Jun was getting changed and Toma watched from the doorway Jun put on the tuxedo that he had been given by his management. “Are we going out?” Toma asked, trying to remember if Jun had planned a date or told him about an event.
“I have the promotional meeting.”
“Shit, I forgot.” Toma didn’t remember Jun ever telling him that.
“I didn’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just better to go to these things alone, besides, you’d be bored.”
“I can go, just wait a little while.” Toma insisted.
“I don’t want you to go.” Jun said quietly, but loud enough for Toma to hear. “It’s harder to get jobs if you’re in a relationship and especially with an ordinary person.” Toma’s heart clenched at hearing that.
“Are you ashamed of me?” He asked with tears springing to his eyes.
“No, god, I have to go, we’ll talk about this later.” Jun left Toma there in the middle of their bedroom crying waiting for him to come back, but that night, Jun didn’t.
A month later, it was their anniversary and Toma was waiting for Jun to come back home after a long day at work. Jun promised that he’d be home early, but it was already 10 o’clock and Jun didn’t even call to say he’d be late.
Toma sat miserably at the kitchen table in front of the cold dinner and fell asleep. Around 4am, he was woken up by the sound of the door creaking open, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
“Jun…” He called out.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize that you were still awake.”
“Did you forget what the day was, yesterday?” Toma asked with hurt evident in his voice. Jun looked at Toma and then looked at the cold food on the table.
“Shit, I completely forgot, some sempais invited me out and it was really important to go. I’m sorry I’ll make it up to you.”
“Fuck it!” Toma yelled and Jun blinked in astonishment, it was odd for Toma to swear or even raise his voice. “Do you even care about me anymore? You always push me aside for work and I know I said I’d support you, but I hate to always be your second priority to some job.”
Jun looked down feeling guilty. “I’m sorry, I’ll change, I promise, let’s go to bed and we can talk about it in the morning.”
Jun wrapped an arm around Toma who radiated hurt, anger, sadness, and led him to bed, but when he woke up the next morning Toma was gone. And all that was left was a simple note.
Jun-
I guess somewhere along the line you stopped caring about me and your job became more important than us. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be second best and staying up at night wondering if you still love me, or are faithful to me, or who you are with. I can’t be like that anymore.
Have a nice life,
Toma
Tears streamed down Jun’s face a he realized it was over. He wouldn’t be able to change because Toma didn’t give him a chance. Or maybe he already gave him countless chances and Jun blew it each time. But whether it was pride or guilt, Jun never called Toma’s phone.
Jun finally looked up at saw a misty eyed Ohno and a stunned Nino looking at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Nino asked.
“I know, but seeing you together reminded me of what we could have been, and I wanted to see him again and prove that I’ve changed.”
“Did you cheat on him?” Ohno spoke up.
“No!” Jun pleaded, “I never cheated on him, but I don’t know how to get him back or even if I can.”
“Come on, we’re taking you home.” Nino said, and the other two were sober enough to help Jun out of the bar and take him back to his apartment, but not before Nino looked at his phone and jotted down a number.
Two days later, Nino found himself sitting in a restaurant anxiously awaiting somebody. When the door opened and he saw a man who was kind of short look around expectantly, Nino stood up and asked, “Ano… Toma-san?” Toma’s eyes widened as he recognized the model who greeted him.
“I’m Toma Ikuta.” He bowed politely and Nino did the same.
“I’m Jun’s friend. Yesterday he told me and my boyfriend about what happened between you two.”
“So you know everything?” Toma asked.
“Almost everything. Jun did some shitty things to you and I understand if you won’t give him another chance, but I think you should at least talk to him.”
“He hurt me, he threw me away.” Toma’s voice rose, “he cheated on me and you expect me to give him another chance?”
“He didn’t cheat on you.”
“What?”
“He never cheated. Just think about it.” Nino waved and left an utterly confused Toma in the middle of the restaurant surrounded by the stares of other people.
“Hello” Jun answered his phone.
“I hate you, you’re a bastard.” Slurred speech mixed with giggling was heard on the opposite of the line.
Jun pulled away from the phone to look at the caller ID and it was Toma. “Toma. Are you drunk?”
“Yeah, and it’s all your fault.”
“Where are you I’ll come and get you?”
Toma slurred the name of a bar that fortunately Jun had heard of, and grabbed his coat to get Toma. At the bar, the sight that awaited him was not a pretty one. Toma was leaning on the bar half off the stool mumbling something that was inaudible.
“Come on.” Jun looped on of Toma’s arms over his shoulders and helped him walk out of the bar and stumbled into his car.
“I hate you.” Toma repeated over and over again and all Jun could say was, “I know.”
He was unsure of where the other one was living so he took him back to his apartment and lay him down on his bed while he took the couch.
The next morning, Jun called in while he waited for Toma to wake up. When Toma finally did come out of his room he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked stunned at Jun who was waiting for him in the kitchen.
“I didn’t want to wake you up so I got bagels.” Jun held up the box of bagels that he had had delivered and held out a few aspirin for Toma’s hangover.
“You still live here.” Toma said.
“I moved out for a little while, but I never stopped renting it. I, I couldn’t leave all of the memories here because that was all I had left of you.”
“You don’t get to do this, you cheated on me.” Toma hissed.
“I never cheated on you and I’m sorry I made you doubt me and you have every right to think that way, but the nights that I didn’t come home, I never, ever cheated on you.”
“So what? You just want to be fuck buddies now?” Toma asked with malice seeping into his voice.
“I’m sorry I said that, I know you have a boyfriend, but I just want to be close to you in any possible way even if it means just having a sexual relationship.”
I don’t have a boyfriend. The words died on Toma’s lips.
“Please Toma, I can’t say I’m sorry enough for the way I treated you, but please give me another chance. I still love you. I always have.” Jun finally said everything that he had wanted to say that day at their coffee shop.
Toma reached out and grabbed a bagel out of Jun’s hand. “I need to go, thanks for taking care of me last night.”
And as Jun watched the door shut behind Toma he realized that he had lost him forever.
The next day he relayed the events of what had happened between him and Toma to Ohno and Nino and was met with sympathetic eyes. “Sometimes things just don’t work out.” Ohno said and it was all he could say to Jun who was distraught beyond words.
Throughout the photo shoots and magazine interviews Jun was obviously distracted. There were red circles around his eyes from crying from the night before and the director postponed the shoot after saying that Jun was “lifeless”.
Jun walked past Toma’s workplace as an architect and once again saw him through the windows, but this time he went in. “I love you,” He proclaimed not caring who heard him. “and I will do anything for a second chance with you. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m fighting for you, for us, and I promise that I will make you love me again even though you’re dating somebody now.”
Toma gasped, “Jun, I’m not dating anybody… there never was anybody else. That’s why I hate you, because even after all these years, I still love you.” Tears began to trickle down Toma’s face and all Jun wanted to do was reach out and wipe them away, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. “But I can’t go through it again. I can’t wait for you at home wondering who you are with, what you are doing, if you still love me. I can’t let my heart be broken like that again.”
“You are more important that any job. I’m sorry I forgot that, but I will never lose sight of that again.”
“I wish I could believe you.” Toma whispered.
“Are you sure about this?” Nino and Ohno asked simultaneously. It was the same thing Jun’s manager had asked a few hours earlier, but Jun was never more sure.
He headed over to a flower shop and picked out a dozen red roses, Toma’s favorite and headed over to Toma’s workplace.
Across town, Toma’s phone buzzed with a new text message from an unknown number.
To: Toma Ikuta
From: Ninomiya Kazunari
Put on the news.
Toma turned on the local news station as watched as Jun’s face was plastered on the screen, underneath his picture were the words: breaking news.
“The model Matsumoto Jun’s management announced today that he would be retiring from all activities and the outstanding contracts would be his last. This news comes without any forewarning of a scandal or problems with the company so it is assumed that Matsumoto-san made this decision of his own volition.”
Toma’s eyes bulged at the news on the screen and his jaw dropped.
“You are more important than any job.” A familiar voice said from behind him. Toma turned around to see Jun holding a bouquet of red roses out to him.
“Baka.” Toma said, but ran over to him, crushing the flowers in the process.
“This was the only way I knew to show you I had changed, so if you’ll accept me as Jun, just Jun, and not Jun the model, I want to be with you.”
Toma buried his face into the crook of Jun’s neck and smiled even though tears were running down his cheeks.
“I feel like we are back to where we started.”
“We just came full circle.” Jun gently extricated himself from Toma’s embrace and reached into his pocket pulling out a business card.
He offered it to Toma and Toma laughed “You’re kind of cute.” Jun repeated verbatim the exact words that he had said when he first met Toma.
“You’re kind of hot yourself.” Toma flirted back. It was the big gesture that won Toma back, but over the next few months Jun made a series of small gestures that tried to fix the wrongs that he had made in the past.
On their anniversary, he arranged for them to finally go to Okinawa. He returned home every night, and if for some reason he couldn’t he always texted Toma. Everyday before he left for work at a design corporation, much like his former job he reminded Toma that he loved him and anytime there was an office party he brought Toma as his date.
One night over dinner Toma looked at the man that sat across from him and saw a slightly older version of the man that he had first fallen in love with. His Jun, not the one transformed by fame.
“I love you.” He said which caught Jun completely off guard.
“I love you, too.” Jun smiled.
“Welcome back.” Toma said.
“It’s good to be back.” Jun replied and knew that he wasn’t going anywhere.
Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff
Rating: PG-13 language
Note: Sequel to I'll Always Come Back to You Part 1 Part 2, but could be read as a stand along
Summary: Jun had screwed up, but after all these years there was still one person he could never get over: Toma.
“Hi Jun,” Jun smiled as he looked down at the man waiting for him at the table.
“Hello, Toma” Jun greeted back. It was weird how they acted around each other after so long. It was weird almost too proper for people who had dated for five years before and had had a terrible break up.
Jun sat down and Toma twirled his finger around the rim of the coffee cup that he was holding. Jun looked at the man in front of him and smiled. “You haven’t changed at all.” Jun said. Toma still had his awkward haircut and still had an affinity for flannel shirts and jeans.
“God, I hope I’ve changed,” Toma laughed, but there was a seriousness behind his jovial tone. The conversation died down and they were met with an awkward silence.
“To be honest, I was surprised that you called me. We haven’t talked in years. I didn’t even think that you still had my number.” Toma said.
Of course I still had your number, I’ve called you countless times from payphones before just to hear your voice. That was what Jun wanted to say, but he couldn’t. Maybe it was his pride or his general sense of the discomfort of Toma, but Jun just said, “I figured I’d give an old friend a call.”
It wasn’t the right thing to say, Jun knew and when Toma flinched at being referred to as ‘an old friend’ Jun wanted to take it back, but he couldn’t.
“So how’s it going with Ninomiya-san?” Toma asked and Jun was startled. Toma shouldn’t have known about Ninomiya, but then again there was a time when they were plastered on every billboard in Tokyo.
“We broke up about two years ago.” Toma blushed at his mistake.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized in the general post-breakup protocol.
“I’m not.” Jun said. They dove into silence once more. “I missed you.” Perhaps that was the most honest thing that Jun had said in a long time, but it instantly made Toma uncomfortable.
“Stop. Let’s not do this.” Toma squirmed under Jun’s gaze, but Jun pressed on.
“Why? Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked.
“That’s not the point. We’re over, we’ve been over for four years now.”
“I’m not asking for anything serious,” Jun said cheekily. “We used to be really good together.”
“Just stop Jun. You’re making things worse.” Toma said and stood up. “It was nice to see you again.” But the sincerity was lost.
Jun held his head in his hands and sighed. He had screwed up. Not just screwed up but completely blown it. Everything that he had envisioned saying had been lost on his tongue and instead he made it seem like Toma was just a random fuck. Jun wanted more, so much more, but he couldn’t convey that, and now, he probably didn’t even have the right to.
When he left the café, he checked his phone and saw several messages from Ohno and Nino asking how the meeting went. He texted them back solely with “I blew it.” And headed home.
He envied them. They were able to patch things up and repair their broken relationship and now they were closer than ever. He walked into the empty apartment and sighed. After he moved out of the apartment that he had previously shared with Nino, he moved out on his own. Of course there had been a few random hookups and one-night stands, but it was never anything serious. Even though he didn’t want to admit it, seeing Ohno and Nino together made him envious. He wanted that. He wanted to come home to somebody who would say “Okaeri,” someone who he knew was going to be there in the morning when he woke up.
He knew who he wanted it to be too. It was the person that once, a long time ago, he had had it with. But he threw it all away. Toma’s reaction shouldn’t have been surprising but it still stung. In his mind, he imagined everything going perfectly, saying the things that he should have said and Toma agreeing, but that was just idealistic thinking.
Jun collapsed on his bed and felt the coldness of being single.
“I love you, Jun.” Toma said as he pushed a piece of hair away from Jun’s face.
Jun smiled and pressed a kiss on Toma’s lips as the cuddled in bed on a day off together.
“I love you, too.” He gently stroked Toma’s bare arm and smiled at the man beside him. They had been together for over a year now, and Jun had never been happier.
Now on the cold, empty bed, Jun crawled over to what was once Toma’s side of the bed and roped his arm over where Toma should have been. For a while, Nino had taken Toma’s place, if just in body and presence, but nobody could really replace Toma. Toma wasn’t somebody who could be replaced. If only Jun had realized that earlier.
The next day on his way to work, he found himself taking a side trip to Toma’s workplace. Though the glass on the outside he saw Toma chatting animatedly with another one of his coworkers and Jun had to wonder if that was the man who had replaced him.
For a split second he could have sworn that Toma saw him, but the minute they made eye contact or Jun thought they did, he resumed walking for fear of seeing Toma’s reaction. Would he be angry or would he just ignore him? Jun wasn’t sure what was worse and didn’t want to stick around to find out.
When he got to the place where it was arranged for the photoshoot to take place, Nino approached him eagerly to find out how the meeting had gone the previous day. Jun knew that Nino and Ohno both had been the ones to give him the push to call up Toma, and Jun had never regretted a decision more, except maybe how they broke up in the first place.
Jun just shook his head and that was all Nino needed to realize that the meeting had not gone as planned. Perhaps it had been too much for Nino to hope that they could get back together. “Come on, after work Satoshi and I will take you out for a few drinks, you look like you need one.” Or three.
The photoshoot went off without a hitch and when Nino and Jun walked out together, they met up with Ohno and headed to the bar that had become their spot for the past three or so years.
Jun had never fully explained to either of them what had happened between him and Toma, from the anecdotes that he had told them, they had gotten enough information to probably fill in the missing pieces but he had never told them why they’d broken up.
While Nino and Ohno had ordered a few beers and paced themselves so as not to get drunk, Jun dove right in and ordered shot after shot to erase the scene that he had seen earlier in the day.
“I still love him.” It was then that Nino and Ohno knew that he was completely drunk because Jun had never spoke so frankly with them. “Even when I was with you I think I was always in love with him.” Both Ohno and Nino bristled at the reference to the period of time when Nino was with Jun, but neither said anything.
“You’re kind of cute.” Jun said shamelessly to the cashier as he waited to pay for his books. Immediately the other, Toma, or so his nametag read, flushed and cleared his throat trying to maintain a professional atmosphere. “That will be 1800 yen.” Jun offered the money and slid in his business card between the notes and winked. “Feel free to give me a call.”
Toma pulled out the business card from the dollars that he put into the cash register, “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day.” He said dryly.
Jun had never expected a call from Toma after his reaction to getting his number but that all changed when his phone rang a few days later.
“Hello,” Jun answered warily, not recognizing the number.
“Hi, my name’s Yamashita Tomohisa, but everyone calls me Yamapi.”
“Do I know you?” Jun asked.
“Nope, but you know my friend, Toma, you even gave him your business card.” Toma. Jun blinked at hearing that name. “He’s really shy, but he wanted to meet up with you so I offered to call instead. Would you like to meet him for coffee?”
Jun practically jumped off the sofa to grab a pen and nearly screamed into the phone, “I’d love to.”
Yamapi gave him the name and time of the meeting that would take place in a coffee shop near Toma’s work and Jun hastily jotted down the information. Tomorrow.
When Jun showed up the next day, he saw Toma sitting alone in the corner already nursing a hot cup of coffee.
“It’s nice to see you again.” Jun said, “I didn’t think you’d be interested.”
Toma looked up and frowned. “Are you stalking me?”
Jun blinked, “No, some guy named Yamapi called and said you wanted to meet.” Toma swore under his breath, Pi had told him he wanted to meet at the café. Seeing Toma’s reaction, Jun looked down disappointed.
“You didn’t want him to call did you?”
“No.” Jun turned to leave, but there was something about the way his shoulders were hunched and his posture exuded sadness that made Toma continue, “But since you’re here, why don’t you have a cup of coffee with me?”
Jun blinked and felt his heart leap with joy. He ordered a cup of coffee and sat down across from Toma, instantly striking up conversation. They talked about everything from their jobs, to Toma’s college life, to their hobbies and everything in between.
“So is handing your number out to random guys your thing.” Toma asked chuckling after he began to feel more comfortable around Jun.
“No, to be honest I’d never done it before that day.”
“Why me then?” Toma scrunched up his face, he was average at best and he had thought that Jun’s actions were only meant to tease him, but now, now he wasn’t sure.
“Because you’re cute and you seemed like a good guy.”
“That’s it?” Toma asked.
“I don’t know how to explain it but yeah.” They continued talking and before either realized it, it was already dark outside.
“I’m sorry about the mix up, but it was nice to talk with you. Have a nice life.” Jun turned to wave, but Toma shyly reached out and asked, “Is it okay if I maybe call that number that you gave me, again?”
Jun beamed and it was then that Toma thought his smile was the most beautiful thing that he’d ever seen. “I’d like that a lot.”
Though Pi had lied about Toma’s interest, he hadn’t lied about Toma being shy; it took him three days to muster up the courage to call Jun and ask to see him again. But though it was the first time he called, it certainly wouldn’t be the last.
After a couple of times meeting, they were strolling around the park after dusk and Jun asked, “Will you be my boyfriend?” And it was only under the dim street lighting that Jun saw Toma’s cheeks flush. He stretched his hand out to intertwine his fingers with Jun’s and smiled. He didn’t need to say anything, it was enough.
Two years later, they moved in together; Three years later, Jun was discovered by a modeling agency on a street corner and a week after that, he got his first job.
As they were lying in bed, Jun cautiously brought up the subject to Toma. “What would you think about me if I was a model?” Toma laughed but when he turned to look at Jun, he saw the serious expression on his face and stifled his laughter.
“Well, if it’s something that you really wanted to do, I’ll support you of course, I mean you’ll still be you, just with a different job, right?”
Jun smiled and pulled Toma in for a kiss. “I love you.” Toma smiled.
Shortly thereafter, Jun became somebody who now posed for magazines and was put on billboards around town. Toma had never imagined that Jun would become famous, but he was proud of his boyfriend.
“Hey, so I was planning the trip to Okinawa that we said we always wanted to go on, I’ve already booked the hotel for two weekends from now since you said you’d be free and I was thinking that we could leave on Friday and come back Monday so you wouldn’t have to miss any work.”
Jun looked chagrined at Toma, “Look I just got a really important job offer and it could change my career completely, so can we go some other time?”
“But you said you’d be free and I already booked the hotel.”
“God, Toma, stop being so selfish. I promise we’ll take another trip, but I can’t do it that weekend.”
“Fine.” Toma didn’t even bother arguing since Jun had already made up his mind. Now a days, every time they made plans Jun’s work always seemed to force him to cancel and blow him off.
One evening about a year later, Jun was getting changed and Toma watched from the doorway Jun put on the tuxedo that he had been given by his management. “Are we going out?” Toma asked, trying to remember if Jun had planned a date or told him about an event.
“I have the promotional meeting.”
“Shit, I forgot.” Toma didn’t remember Jun ever telling him that.
“I didn’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just better to go to these things alone, besides, you’d be bored.”
“I can go, just wait a little while.” Toma insisted.
“I don’t want you to go.” Jun said quietly, but loud enough for Toma to hear. “It’s harder to get jobs if you’re in a relationship and especially with an ordinary person.” Toma’s heart clenched at hearing that.
“Are you ashamed of me?” He asked with tears springing to his eyes.
“No, god, I have to go, we’ll talk about this later.” Jun left Toma there in the middle of their bedroom crying waiting for him to come back, but that night, Jun didn’t.
A month later, it was their anniversary and Toma was waiting for Jun to come back home after a long day at work. Jun promised that he’d be home early, but it was already 10 o’clock and Jun didn’t even call to say he’d be late.
Toma sat miserably at the kitchen table in front of the cold dinner and fell asleep. Around 4am, he was woken up by the sound of the door creaking open, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
“Jun…” He called out.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize that you were still awake.”
“Did you forget what the day was, yesterday?” Toma asked with hurt evident in his voice. Jun looked at Toma and then looked at the cold food on the table.
“Shit, I completely forgot, some sempais invited me out and it was really important to go. I’m sorry I’ll make it up to you.”
“Fuck it!” Toma yelled and Jun blinked in astonishment, it was odd for Toma to swear or even raise his voice. “Do you even care about me anymore? You always push me aside for work and I know I said I’d support you, but I hate to always be your second priority to some job.”
Jun looked down feeling guilty. “I’m sorry, I’ll change, I promise, let’s go to bed and we can talk about it in the morning.”
Jun wrapped an arm around Toma who radiated hurt, anger, sadness, and led him to bed, but when he woke up the next morning Toma was gone. And all that was left was a simple note.
Jun-
I guess somewhere along the line you stopped caring about me and your job became more important than us. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be second best and staying up at night wondering if you still love me, or are faithful to me, or who you are with. I can’t be like that anymore.
Have a nice life,
Toma
Tears streamed down Jun’s face a he realized it was over. He wouldn’t be able to change because Toma didn’t give him a chance. Or maybe he already gave him countless chances and Jun blew it each time. But whether it was pride or guilt, Jun never called Toma’s phone.
Jun finally looked up at saw a misty eyed Ohno and a stunned Nino looking at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Nino asked.
“I know, but seeing you together reminded me of what we could have been, and I wanted to see him again and prove that I’ve changed.”
“Did you cheat on him?” Ohno spoke up.
“No!” Jun pleaded, “I never cheated on him, but I don’t know how to get him back or even if I can.”
“Come on, we’re taking you home.” Nino said, and the other two were sober enough to help Jun out of the bar and take him back to his apartment, but not before Nino looked at his phone and jotted down a number.
Two days later, Nino found himself sitting in a restaurant anxiously awaiting somebody. When the door opened and he saw a man who was kind of short look around expectantly, Nino stood up and asked, “Ano… Toma-san?” Toma’s eyes widened as he recognized the model who greeted him.
“I’m Toma Ikuta.” He bowed politely and Nino did the same.
“I’m Jun’s friend. Yesterday he told me and my boyfriend about what happened between you two.”
“So you know everything?” Toma asked.
“Almost everything. Jun did some shitty things to you and I understand if you won’t give him another chance, but I think you should at least talk to him.”
“He hurt me, he threw me away.” Toma’s voice rose, “he cheated on me and you expect me to give him another chance?”
“He didn’t cheat on you.”
“What?”
“He never cheated. Just think about it.” Nino waved and left an utterly confused Toma in the middle of the restaurant surrounded by the stares of other people.
“Hello” Jun answered his phone.
“I hate you, you’re a bastard.” Slurred speech mixed with giggling was heard on the opposite of the line.
Jun pulled away from the phone to look at the caller ID and it was Toma. “Toma. Are you drunk?”
“Yeah, and it’s all your fault.”
“Where are you I’ll come and get you?”
Toma slurred the name of a bar that fortunately Jun had heard of, and grabbed his coat to get Toma. At the bar, the sight that awaited him was not a pretty one. Toma was leaning on the bar half off the stool mumbling something that was inaudible.
“Come on.” Jun looped on of Toma’s arms over his shoulders and helped him walk out of the bar and stumbled into his car.
“I hate you.” Toma repeated over and over again and all Jun could say was, “I know.”
He was unsure of where the other one was living so he took him back to his apartment and lay him down on his bed while he took the couch.
The next morning, Jun called in while he waited for Toma to wake up. When Toma finally did come out of his room he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked stunned at Jun who was waiting for him in the kitchen.
“I didn’t want to wake you up so I got bagels.” Jun held up the box of bagels that he had had delivered and held out a few aspirin for Toma’s hangover.
“You still live here.” Toma said.
“I moved out for a little while, but I never stopped renting it. I, I couldn’t leave all of the memories here because that was all I had left of you.”
“You don’t get to do this, you cheated on me.” Toma hissed.
“I never cheated on you and I’m sorry I made you doubt me and you have every right to think that way, but the nights that I didn’t come home, I never, ever cheated on you.”
“So what? You just want to be fuck buddies now?” Toma asked with malice seeping into his voice.
“I’m sorry I said that, I know you have a boyfriend, but I just want to be close to you in any possible way even if it means just having a sexual relationship.”
I don’t have a boyfriend. The words died on Toma’s lips.
“Please Toma, I can’t say I’m sorry enough for the way I treated you, but please give me another chance. I still love you. I always have.” Jun finally said everything that he had wanted to say that day at their coffee shop.
Toma reached out and grabbed a bagel out of Jun’s hand. “I need to go, thanks for taking care of me last night.”
And as Jun watched the door shut behind Toma he realized that he had lost him forever.
The next day he relayed the events of what had happened between him and Toma to Ohno and Nino and was met with sympathetic eyes. “Sometimes things just don’t work out.” Ohno said and it was all he could say to Jun who was distraught beyond words.
Throughout the photo shoots and magazine interviews Jun was obviously distracted. There were red circles around his eyes from crying from the night before and the director postponed the shoot after saying that Jun was “lifeless”.
Jun walked past Toma’s workplace as an architect and once again saw him through the windows, but this time he went in. “I love you,” He proclaimed not caring who heard him. “and I will do anything for a second chance with you. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m fighting for you, for us, and I promise that I will make you love me again even though you’re dating somebody now.”
Toma gasped, “Jun, I’m not dating anybody… there never was anybody else. That’s why I hate you, because even after all these years, I still love you.” Tears began to trickle down Toma’s face and all Jun wanted to do was reach out and wipe them away, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. “But I can’t go through it again. I can’t wait for you at home wondering who you are with, what you are doing, if you still love me. I can’t let my heart be broken like that again.”
“You are more important that any job. I’m sorry I forgot that, but I will never lose sight of that again.”
“I wish I could believe you.” Toma whispered.
“Are you sure about this?” Nino and Ohno asked simultaneously. It was the same thing Jun’s manager had asked a few hours earlier, but Jun was never more sure.
He headed over to a flower shop and picked out a dozen red roses, Toma’s favorite and headed over to Toma’s workplace.
Across town, Toma’s phone buzzed with a new text message from an unknown number.
To: Toma Ikuta
From: Ninomiya Kazunari
Put on the news.
Toma turned on the local news station as watched as Jun’s face was plastered on the screen, underneath his picture were the words: breaking news.
“The model Matsumoto Jun’s management announced today that he would be retiring from all activities and the outstanding contracts would be his last. This news comes without any forewarning of a scandal or problems with the company so it is assumed that Matsumoto-san made this decision of his own volition.”
Toma’s eyes bulged at the news on the screen and his jaw dropped.
“You are more important than any job.” A familiar voice said from behind him. Toma turned around to see Jun holding a bouquet of red roses out to him.
“Baka.” Toma said, but ran over to him, crushing the flowers in the process.
“This was the only way I knew to show you I had changed, so if you’ll accept me as Jun, just Jun, and not Jun the model, I want to be with you.”
Toma buried his face into the crook of Jun’s neck and smiled even though tears were running down his cheeks.
“I feel like we are back to where we started.”
“We just came full circle.” Jun gently extricated himself from Toma’s embrace and reached into his pocket pulling out a business card.
He offered it to Toma and Toma laughed “You’re kind of cute.” Jun repeated verbatim the exact words that he had said when he first met Toma.
“You’re kind of hot yourself.” Toma flirted back. It was the big gesture that won Toma back, but over the next few months Jun made a series of small gestures that tried to fix the wrongs that he had made in the past.
On their anniversary, he arranged for them to finally go to Okinawa. He returned home every night, and if for some reason he couldn’t he always texted Toma. Everyday before he left for work at a design corporation, much like his former job he reminded Toma that he loved him and anytime there was an office party he brought Toma as his date.
One night over dinner Toma looked at the man that sat across from him and saw a slightly older version of the man that he had first fallen in love with. His Jun, not the one transformed by fame.
“I love you.” He said which caught Jun completely off guard.
“I love you, too.” Jun smiled.
“Welcome back.” Toma said.
“It’s good to be back.” Jun replied and knew that he wasn’t going anywhere.