Most people think I am dead.
Its so funny whenever I get on aim. All these windows pop up with questions about how I am doing and what's going on in so and so's life. I know as friends, people are just being friendly... but it is still odd. You see how you've changed and others have changed and you wonder: what was the past? Maybe its because I am history major that I have this obessession with who I was, and who I am and if I am changing in reality or just my perspectives... which are skewed anyways, since they are mine alone.
if you cant tell, I've been reading fan fiction.
fan fiction always makes me think. What I am? What do I want? What is the ideal reality? How do I achieve that? Am I even that unhappy with my current reality? Is that unhappiness or discontent? Where does stress factor into all of this (because I've been under a lot lately) Anyhow... silencio brain.
Back to the update.
My grades are a lot better this semester. That might be because I am actually doing homework instead of random escapisms like Queer As Folk. I am in a Roman strategic thought class that is really fun. My end of term paper is all about Mithras, the warrior based pagan cult that competed with Christainity. The Man's Man religion. I realized I dont like the actually reading so much on religious studies, but the discussions: what does everything mean... Borderline philosophical.
Other than work there's the boyfriend: John the anime boy. We are going to be celebrating seven months soon. The crazy thing is that I am not bored or tired of him. I don't think he is my ideal man. He's not tortured or romantic enough. But the beach bum attitude of his is nice becauses it forces me to relax. I have this theory that he really cares about everything and just appears non-chalant... but if that were true I think I would have seen it now. I love John though. Not the painful way I did with Matt. Not the lustful abusive way I did with Chris. I love him because he is my friend and lover which is so odd. I've never respected so much before on the male scale, even though he treats me nine times better than I treat him. I also love that we never really fight. He is my river in the forest of me. One day I will find a rock, but for now I will enjoy the comfort of his calmness.
Spring Break: non-eventful. I came home, relaxed, shopped. Got attacked by pollen which two me out of comission for two days. Went to six flags over Arlington. Went to texas statidum (john loves the cowboys obessessivly). Got completely disgustlying drunk on St. paddy's. In 2.5 hours I had: two beers, a shot of whiskey, an irish-carbomb, and a vanilla milkshake with bailey's in it. While waiting to have my next beer I threw it all up. Was hung over for a day. Ate dinner with my extended family. Made love for the first time, period. Everything up until that was just sex, no spiritual connection. So spring break was a mix.
I got pretty much April for the school year to end. First week of may is exams. Second week of may I might get my wisdom teeth taken out. Then I got two weeks of graduation ceremonies. Afterwards I go to california for training: subs, airstripe, and marine corps. I got to Hawaii with John after that. Come back to USNA for YP training, and then fall semester starts.
if you cant tell, I've been reading fan fiction.
fan fiction always makes me think. What I am? What do I want? What is the ideal reality? How do I achieve that? Am I even that unhappy with my current reality? Is that unhappiness or discontent? Where does stress factor into all of this (because I've been under a lot lately) Anyhow... silencio brain.
Back to the update.
My grades are a lot better this semester. That might be because I am actually doing homework instead of random escapisms like Queer As Folk. I am in a Roman strategic thought class that is really fun. My end of term paper is all about Mithras, the warrior based pagan cult that competed with Christainity. The Man's Man religion. I realized I dont like the actually reading so much on religious studies, but the discussions: what does everything mean... Borderline philosophical.
Other than work there's the boyfriend: John the anime boy. We are going to be celebrating seven months soon. The crazy thing is that I am not bored or tired of him. I don't think he is my ideal man. He's not tortured or romantic enough. But the beach bum attitude of his is nice becauses it forces me to relax. I have this theory that he really cares about everything and just appears non-chalant... but if that were true I think I would have seen it now. I love John though. Not the painful way I did with Matt. Not the lustful abusive way I did with Chris. I love him because he is my friend and lover which is so odd. I've never respected so much before on the male scale, even though he treats me nine times better than I treat him. I also love that we never really fight. He is my river in the forest of me. One day I will find a rock, but for now I will enjoy the comfort of his calmness.
Spring Break: non-eventful. I came home, relaxed, shopped. Got attacked by pollen which two me out of comission for two days. Went to six flags over Arlington. Went to texas statidum (john loves the cowboys obessessivly). Got completely disgustlying drunk on St. paddy's. In 2.5 hours I had: two beers, a shot of whiskey, an irish-carbomb, and a vanilla milkshake with bailey's in it. While waiting to have my next beer I threw it all up. Was hung over for a day. Ate dinner with my extended family. Made love for the first time, period. Everything up until that was just sex, no spiritual connection. So spring break was a mix.
I got pretty much April for the school year to end. First week of may is exams. Second week of may I might get my wisdom teeth taken out. Then I got two weeks of graduation ceremonies. Afterwards I go to california for training: subs, airstripe, and marine corps. I got to Hawaii with John after that. Come back to USNA for YP training, and then fall semester starts.