Life update
I am happy to report that I am now in a good relationship. I'm with someone - Tyler- who makes me feel attractive and for the first time in years I don't feel worthless. He's honestly great and he gives me the attention I want/need by talking to me and doing stuff with me. Unfortunetly he's now in Japan for a year to teach English, but we still talk whenever we get the chance.
I never realized how bad my last relationship was before getting into this one. Like, I knew I felt lonely and unwanted most of the time, but I thought maybe I was asking too much when it came to needing attention. I also put up with the lying for way too long. I was so stupid for putting up with his lying ass and him making me feel like I was the bad guy.