Summer Storm
Summer Storm
Kyuhyun/Ryeowook
R | Angst
If you can change the past, would you rather choose to live a normal, decent life? If you could change the past, would you rather let go of that one spurt of a moment and settle for a more permanent thing? If you could change the past, would you?
What exactly is permanent? Have you lived to be a hundred to witness something from day one ‘til now that haven’t changed at all? How sure are you that the moment you decided that it is and looked away, it won’t change and morph into something new? Change is a very dangerous thing, and even the word change itself is changing. Even the word permanent is changing because really, nothing’s permanent in this world.
It’s the mid of summer and it’s not amusing that he finds himself waking up alone. He doesn’t need to wonder why he feels so cold.
Cold? Has it always been this cold?
He got up from bed and wandered aimlessly towards the desk at the other side of the room expecting at least a letter, saying ‘Ryeowook, I left early’ of some sort but he finds himself amusing to actually hope for something as impossible as that. He headed for the bathroom and spent almost an hour in the tub.
Dirty. Has he always been this dirty?
He closed his eyes and asked himself. Has he always been this stubborn? And he’s not surprised when memories from back then flashed in his mind. He’s not too surprised when his memories consist of only one person.
That one stormy night when he decided to take a walk under the falling rain. Occasional thunders can be heard from afar and gust of winds had him trembling slightly but he likes it. He likes the burning coldness of raindrops as it touches his bare skin. He loves the trembling feeling he gets every time the wind blows, and he would smile.
Treat coldness with coldness. He always believed that his heart is the coldest place there could be. That’s why no one stays. Because no one wants to stay in the cold. So he stays under the rain. He walks and walks ‘till where his feet carry him. He tries to prove himself that someone, somewhere out there is like him. That someone out there can stay under the cold rain. And that someone can stay in his life, if not permanent, for a long time would be nice.
He stopped, lifted his head up and stared at the cold dark sky willing the raindrops to fall directly on his eyes but he could care less. He was too engrossed with how the world seems so much larger when the sky is dark and the streets are empty.
And then all he heard was screeching tires, the screams of the very little passerby’s and the sound of his own life screaming for help. Then all he sees is black. Much darker than the cold dark sky.
There’s so much pain when he woke up, and he still can’t decipher if he’s really awake or still dreaming. Because it’s still dark. And at the back of his very hazy mind, he wonders if the darkness he loves so much swallowed him alive.
“Are you awake now?” A cold sad voice resounded from his right and he found himself shuddering with the coldness emitting from the owner of the voice.
“Who are you?” He tried to ask but all that left his lips are air of whispers. He lifted his hands to his face and found that his eyes are covered with bandage and even before he could ask, the cold voice spoke again.
“I’ll go get the doctor.” He said. And Ryeowook wondered what actually happened. Is he in a hospital? Who is that person? Is he blind now? There’s so much in his mind to ask but he just kept them there. He kept silent ‘til when the doctor arrived.
The doctor informed him of the accident he was involved in. That one stormy night and he was out under the rain. A driver lost control of his wheel and the car came crashing on him. The driver survived and the passenger sleeping on the back seat died while Ryeowook was stuck on a coma, his eyes torn with broken pieces of glasses.
He was just waiting for the doctor to tell him he won’t be able to see again but none of that came. He remained silent as the doctor removed the bandages wrapped in his head, covering his eyes. He remained silent as the doctor instructed him to open his eyes and he was blinded by white light. Is this how it feels like to be blind? He asked himself, before the blinding light was covered with something dark. And he can see again.
It was that night, a week after he’s discharged from the hospital when he learned that the man sitting beside him is the lover of the passenger who died in the crash. It was that night when he learned that a part of his body now isn’t completely his.
“Kyuhyun-shi” He whispered and cold black eyes stared shocked at him.
“What is it? Do you need something?” Kyuhyun stood up and stayed by the side of his bed. Ryeowook raised his hands up to his face and felt the warm drops of tears stream down his cheeks.
“What is this? Am I crying?” Ryeowook asked and there’s something heavy pressing down his chest.
“Stop. Don’t cry.” Came Kyuhyun’s voice and Ryeowook found himself crying some more.
“I want to go home.” The other said, and he felt warm soft lips trailing up his tear stained cheeks. He forced his eyes to open -no, those eyes are not his-and saw cold black orbs staring down at him.
“No. Don’t leave me… Please.” Kyuhyun whispered close to him, he can feel the other’s breath on his cheeks and the next moment he’s being kissed.
He didn’t pull away even when cold hands made their way under his shirt. He didn’t pull away till he has no shirt at all. His mind is hazy, and all his blood seemed to have collected down his southern region and all he can think of is the large hands palming his hardening member. And he let out a long low groan.
“Kyuhyun!” He shouted when the other yanked his pants down, and that was last of his sanity. He felt it when lubed fingers danced inside of him, and how desperate he must have sounded. He didn’t miss the long low groan of pleasure from Kyuhyun’s lips that time when he felt a sharp pain as Kyuhyun pushed himself inside him.
He didn’t miss the pants of breath as Kyuhyun’s forehead rested on his. The moans that escaped his mouth every time Kyuhyun would hit that spot inside of him. He didn’t miss it when something warm touched his heart, and he can feel all the coldness that has been there for as long as he remember slowly melt away.
He didn’t miss it when Kyuhyun collapsed on top of him before rolling and settling on the space beside him. He didn’t miss it when Kyuhyun’s arms wrapped around his thin waist, and he smiled drifting off to sleep feeling Kyuhyun’s loud heartbeat pressed on his back.
It’s already past noon when he woke up the next day. Though pain shots through his spine every time he sits and attempts to walk, a smile is permanent on his lips seeing a yellow note on the night stand saying ‘Make yourself at home, I’ll be back by 5. -Kyuhyun’
It was that one night after quite some time when Ryeowook told Kyuhyun he’s going home the next day. It was during those loud moans of pleasure and fast flick of the hips. It was after that long hard orgasm when Kyuhyun muttered against his lips. ‘Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me again.’
And Ryeowook left that night after Kyuhyun had fallen asleep.
It was that night, a week since he’s last seen Kyuhyun, and he doesn’t need to wonder, because the next second someone’s ringing his doorbell.
He’s not too surprised to see Kyuhyun the moment he opened his door. What shocked him more is the younger man, looking much older than his real age as he ran towards Ryeowook and kissed him hard on the lips.
“Don’t leave me” Kyuhyun whispered before he collapsed on the floor bringing Ryeowook down with him.
Ryeowook wonders when the younger man last ate for him to become that thin, or if he even ate a single thing while he was gone. He sighed, dabbing the wet towel on Kyuhyun’s forehead when he heard the other mumble in his sleep. Ryeowook bent down a little and regretted doing so when Kyuhyun mumbled again, a name this time.
He shook his head and laughed while wiping the tears that unconsciously fell from his eyes and he doesn’t even know why he’s crying. He wiped his tears and reached for the towel on Kyuhyun’s forehead continuing where he has left, though he can’t help but wonder why there’s a prickling pain in his chest.
He didn’t question it when Kyuhyun would come over his place every day and sometimes would spend the night. He didn’t question the sweet hugs and tickling kisses. He didn’t question the more often cuddling in bed rather than sexing up, because seriously, isn’t that what they are? What they were? Isn’t that why Kyuhyun keeps coming back to him?
But it’s that one night with tangled limbs and loud heartbeats that doesn’t quite sound right together, when Kyuhyun hugged him tight and told him ‘I’m afraid to lose you’ that Ryeowook found himself biting his clenched fist to stifle the sobs he’s been trying hard to stop.
Kyuhyun kisses him, and he would kiss back. He would temporarily be lost in the basking pleasure that comes with it everytime Kyuhyun thrusts inside of him. And that’s all there is between them, right? That’s all.
But it’s too late when Ryeowook realized that it was not just the two of them. It was too late at least for him.
He was looking at himself in the mirror and found sweet black orbs staring back at him. This is not him. Not the cold brown eyes that he used to admire and be proud of. This is not him.
Kyuhyun hovers above him and caresses his hair. His fingers would stop just at the side of his face and his thumb would brush at the skin below his eyes and just above his cheekbones.
Kyuhyun pulls him into a hug and kisses his crown. The kiss would go down to the tip of his nose then to his lips before it would escalate up to his eyes, and he would automatically shut them as Kyuhyun touches his lips to his eyelids.
Kyuhyun was crying as he stares down at Ryeowook, his cold dark eyes staring intently at Ryeowook’s cold brown ones-no his eyes isn’t brown anymore. His eyes are not even completely his-and there’s a long fat pause before Kyuhyun whispers ‘I love you’
And Ryeowook wonders if Kyuhyun’s eyes saw past through the old memories staring at the eyes that now belonged to him.
But whenever Kyuhyun looks at Ryeowook, he would only look at his eyes. The only thing that Ryeowook has, but he does not own.
Ryeowook wrapped his arms tight around Kyuhyun and tears started streaming down his cheeks hearing the faint sound of heartbeats from the other’s chest. I am here. But why can’t I be there. He said in his mind and his fingernails dug onto the skin atop the silently raging heartbeats.
He gets off the tub and wears something decent as for when he goes out. And he can hear the faint sound of the rain from the outside. Summer rain. He smiles as he placed his wallet inside a zip lock bag before stuffing it inside his jean’s pocket.
He lets the cold raindrops burn his skin and he has never felt this clean from when he can remember. He wanders around elsewhere and lets his feet take him to anywhere it wants to go, and he ended up on the place where everything started. The brick wall that was destroyed just a year ago was now a concrete wall standing proud and tall. He tilted his head up and the raindrops land on his eyelids and he loves the feeling, when he can do everything with something that is his.
He goes home and It’s morning again. He arrives at his unit and Kyuhyun is there, curled up like a fetus on his big white bed. He sat down beside him and stared at the small dent on his wooden closet.
He remembers that one time he punched the mirror and the pieces came crashing down on him. He had broken bones on his right arm and more wounds on his right leg. He remembers his mom taking him to the hospital, had stitches, and bandages all over. The next day his mom bought him a new closet with a new shining mirror.
His wounds healed and bones felt like all brand new, but the old closet is still there. The mirror is gone and the dent on the middle part is till permanent with blood stains that never seemed to fade as time passes by.
It reminds him how imperfect he is no matter how hard he tries to make it perfect. That he does wrong no matter how hard he tries to make it right. And that he does change no matter how hard he tries to stay the same.
And that old closet, missing mirror, and blood-stained dent on the middle is the only permanent thing in his life.
-------------------------------------
Is it supposed to be right or wrong to love you this way?
On one hand, I’m confused. But on the other hand, I’m becoming more addicted to you
-too perfect
a/n
lol what is this O_O
well. i just had to write this. it's been stuck in my mind since tuesday on literature class and i was tempted to write right then and there, but i had no time XD
and it's a fail NC-17 fic. i mean, i tried to make it NC-17 but i fail at that i ended up with R. and also i remember angeline bugging me on twitter to write a KyuWook porn. but i don't write smut..(almost smut maybe XD)
oh well, i don't understand the fic myself. maybe tomorrow when i finally got some sleep
same old same old. sorry for the typos TT TT
Kyuhyun/Ryeowook
R | Angst
If you can change the past, would you rather choose to live a normal, decent life? If you could change the past, would you rather let go of that one spurt of a moment and settle for a more permanent thing? If you could change the past, would you?
What exactly is permanent? Have you lived to be a hundred to witness something from day one ‘til now that haven’t changed at all? How sure are you that the moment you decided that it is and looked away, it won’t change and morph into something new? Change is a very dangerous thing, and even the word change itself is changing. Even the word permanent is changing because really, nothing’s permanent in this world.
It’s the mid of summer and it’s not amusing that he finds himself waking up alone. He doesn’t need to wonder why he feels so cold.
Cold? Has it always been this cold?
He got up from bed and wandered aimlessly towards the desk at the other side of the room expecting at least a letter, saying ‘Ryeowook, I left early’ of some sort but he finds himself amusing to actually hope for something as impossible as that. He headed for the bathroom and spent almost an hour in the tub.
Dirty. Has he always been this dirty?
He closed his eyes and asked himself. Has he always been this stubborn? And he’s not surprised when memories from back then flashed in his mind. He’s not too surprised when his memories consist of only one person.
That one stormy night when he decided to take a walk under the falling rain. Occasional thunders can be heard from afar and gust of winds had him trembling slightly but he likes it. He likes the burning coldness of raindrops as it touches his bare skin. He loves the trembling feeling he gets every time the wind blows, and he would smile.
Treat coldness with coldness. He always believed that his heart is the coldest place there could be. That’s why no one stays. Because no one wants to stay in the cold. So he stays under the rain. He walks and walks ‘till where his feet carry him. He tries to prove himself that someone, somewhere out there is like him. That someone out there can stay under the cold rain. And that someone can stay in his life, if not permanent, for a long time would be nice.
He stopped, lifted his head up and stared at the cold dark sky willing the raindrops to fall directly on his eyes but he could care less. He was too engrossed with how the world seems so much larger when the sky is dark and the streets are empty.
And then all he heard was screeching tires, the screams of the very little passerby’s and the sound of his own life screaming for help. Then all he sees is black. Much darker than the cold dark sky.
There’s so much pain when he woke up, and he still can’t decipher if he’s really awake or still dreaming. Because it’s still dark. And at the back of his very hazy mind, he wonders if the darkness he loves so much swallowed him alive.
“Are you awake now?” A cold sad voice resounded from his right and he found himself shuddering with the coldness emitting from the owner of the voice.
“Who are you?” He tried to ask but all that left his lips are air of whispers. He lifted his hands to his face and found that his eyes are covered with bandage and even before he could ask, the cold voice spoke again.
“I’ll go get the doctor.” He said. And Ryeowook wondered what actually happened. Is he in a hospital? Who is that person? Is he blind now? There’s so much in his mind to ask but he just kept them there. He kept silent ‘til when the doctor arrived.
The doctor informed him of the accident he was involved in. That one stormy night and he was out under the rain. A driver lost control of his wheel and the car came crashing on him. The driver survived and the passenger sleeping on the back seat died while Ryeowook was stuck on a coma, his eyes torn with broken pieces of glasses.
He was just waiting for the doctor to tell him he won’t be able to see again but none of that came. He remained silent as the doctor removed the bandages wrapped in his head, covering his eyes. He remained silent as the doctor instructed him to open his eyes and he was blinded by white light. Is this how it feels like to be blind? He asked himself, before the blinding light was covered with something dark. And he can see again.
It was that night, a week after he’s discharged from the hospital when he learned that the man sitting beside him is the lover of the passenger who died in the crash. It was that night when he learned that a part of his body now isn’t completely his.
“Kyuhyun-shi” He whispered and cold black eyes stared shocked at him.
“What is it? Do you need something?” Kyuhyun stood up and stayed by the side of his bed. Ryeowook raised his hands up to his face and felt the warm drops of tears stream down his cheeks.
“What is this? Am I crying?” Ryeowook asked and there’s something heavy pressing down his chest.
“Stop. Don’t cry.” Came Kyuhyun’s voice and Ryeowook found himself crying some more.
“I want to go home.” The other said, and he felt warm soft lips trailing up his tear stained cheeks. He forced his eyes to open -no, those eyes are not his-and saw cold black orbs staring down at him.
“No. Don’t leave me… Please.” Kyuhyun whispered close to him, he can feel the other’s breath on his cheeks and the next moment he’s being kissed.
He didn’t pull away even when cold hands made their way under his shirt. He didn’t pull away till he has no shirt at all. His mind is hazy, and all his blood seemed to have collected down his southern region and all he can think of is the large hands palming his hardening member. And he let out a long low groan.
“Kyuhyun!” He shouted when the other yanked his pants down, and that was last of his sanity. He felt it when lubed fingers danced inside of him, and how desperate he must have sounded. He didn’t miss the long low groan of pleasure from Kyuhyun’s lips that time when he felt a sharp pain as Kyuhyun pushed himself inside him.
He didn’t miss the pants of breath as Kyuhyun’s forehead rested on his. The moans that escaped his mouth every time Kyuhyun would hit that spot inside of him. He didn’t miss it when something warm touched his heart, and he can feel all the coldness that has been there for as long as he remember slowly melt away.
He didn’t miss it when Kyuhyun collapsed on top of him before rolling and settling on the space beside him. He didn’t miss it when Kyuhyun’s arms wrapped around his thin waist, and he smiled drifting off to sleep feeling Kyuhyun’s loud heartbeat pressed on his back.
It’s already past noon when he woke up the next day. Though pain shots through his spine every time he sits and attempts to walk, a smile is permanent on his lips seeing a yellow note on the night stand saying ‘Make yourself at home, I’ll be back by 5. -Kyuhyun’
It was that one night after quite some time when Ryeowook told Kyuhyun he’s going home the next day. It was during those loud moans of pleasure and fast flick of the hips. It was after that long hard orgasm when Kyuhyun muttered against his lips. ‘Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me again.’
And Ryeowook left that night after Kyuhyun had fallen asleep.
It was that night, a week since he’s last seen Kyuhyun, and he doesn’t need to wonder, because the next second someone’s ringing his doorbell.
He’s not too surprised to see Kyuhyun the moment he opened his door. What shocked him more is the younger man, looking much older than his real age as he ran towards Ryeowook and kissed him hard on the lips.
“Don’t leave me” Kyuhyun whispered before he collapsed on the floor bringing Ryeowook down with him.
Ryeowook wonders when the younger man last ate for him to become that thin, or if he even ate a single thing while he was gone. He sighed, dabbing the wet towel on Kyuhyun’s forehead when he heard the other mumble in his sleep. Ryeowook bent down a little and regretted doing so when Kyuhyun mumbled again, a name this time.
He shook his head and laughed while wiping the tears that unconsciously fell from his eyes and he doesn’t even know why he’s crying. He wiped his tears and reached for the towel on Kyuhyun’s forehead continuing where he has left, though he can’t help but wonder why there’s a prickling pain in his chest.
He didn’t question it when Kyuhyun would come over his place every day and sometimes would spend the night. He didn’t question the sweet hugs and tickling kisses. He didn’t question the more often cuddling in bed rather than sexing up, because seriously, isn’t that what they are? What they were? Isn’t that why Kyuhyun keeps coming back to him?
But it’s that one night with tangled limbs and loud heartbeats that doesn’t quite sound right together, when Kyuhyun hugged him tight and told him ‘I’m afraid to lose you’ that Ryeowook found himself biting his clenched fist to stifle the sobs he’s been trying hard to stop.
Kyuhyun kisses him, and he would kiss back. He would temporarily be lost in the basking pleasure that comes with it everytime Kyuhyun thrusts inside of him. And that’s all there is between them, right? That’s all.
But it’s too late when Ryeowook realized that it was not just the two of them. It was too late at least for him.
He was looking at himself in the mirror and found sweet black orbs staring back at him. This is not him. Not the cold brown eyes that he used to admire and be proud of. This is not him.
Kyuhyun hovers above him and caresses his hair. His fingers would stop just at the side of his face and his thumb would brush at the skin below his eyes and just above his cheekbones.
Kyuhyun pulls him into a hug and kisses his crown. The kiss would go down to the tip of his nose then to his lips before it would escalate up to his eyes, and he would automatically shut them as Kyuhyun touches his lips to his eyelids.
Kyuhyun was crying as he stares down at Ryeowook, his cold dark eyes staring intently at Ryeowook’s cold brown ones-no his eyes isn’t brown anymore. His eyes are not even completely his-and there’s a long fat pause before Kyuhyun whispers ‘I love you’
And Ryeowook wonders if Kyuhyun’s eyes saw past through the old memories staring at the eyes that now belonged to him.
But whenever Kyuhyun looks at Ryeowook, he would only look at his eyes. The only thing that Ryeowook has, but he does not own.
Ryeowook wrapped his arms tight around Kyuhyun and tears started streaming down his cheeks hearing the faint sound of heartbeats from the other’s chest. I am here. But why can’t I be there. He said in his mind and his fingernails dug onto the skin atop the silently raging heartbeats.
He gets off the tub and wears something decent as for when he goes out. And he can hear the faint sound of the rain from the outside. Summer rain. He smiles as he placed his wallet inside a zip lock bag before stuffing it inside his jean’s pocket.
He lets the cold raindrops burn his skin and he has never felt this clean from when he can remember. He wanders around elsewhere and lets his feet take him to anywhere it wants to go, and he ended up on the place where everything started. The brick wall that was destroyed just a year ago was now a concrete wall standing proud and tall. He tilted his head up and the raindrops land on his eyelids and he loves the feeling, when he can do everything with something that is his.
He goes home and It’s morning again. He arrives at his unit and Kyuhyun is there, curled up like a fetus on his big white bed. He sat down beside him and stared at the small dent on his wooden closet.
He remembers that one time he punched the mirror and the pieces came crashing down on him. He had broken bones on his right arm and more wounds on his right leg. He remembers his mom taking him to the hospital, had stitches, and bandages all over. The next day his mom bought him a new closet with a new shining mirror.
His wounds healed and bones felt like all brand new, but the old closet is still there. The mirror is gone and the dent on the middle part is till permanent with blood stains that never seemed to fade as time passes by.
It reminds him how imperfect he is no matter how hard he tries to make it perfect. That he does wrong no matter how hard he tries to make it right. And that he does change no matter how hard he tries to stay the same.
And that old closet, missing mirror, and blood-stained dent on the middle is the only permanent thing in his life.
-------------------------------------
Is it supposed to be right or wrong to love you this way?
On one hand, I’m confused. But on the other hand, I’m becoming more addicted to you
-too perfect
a/n
lol what is this O_O
well. i just had to write this. it's been stuck in my mind since tuesday on literature class and i was tempted to write right then and there, but i had no time XD
and it's a fail NC-17 fic. i mean, i tried to make it NC-17 but i fail at that i ended up with R. and also i remember angeline bugging me on twitter to write a KyuWook porn. but i don't write smut..(almost smut maybe XD)
oh well, i don't understand the fic myself. maybe tomorrow when i finally got some sleep
same old same old. sorry for the typos TT TT