Sick of fail and bail
So, a little late, since I slept through New Years. but here is my major resolution for the coming year:
I'm sick of always feeling sick and miserable and saying 'yeah, yeah, I'll go to the doctor if it gets worse.' I need to get over my fear of going to see the doctor and get my shit dealt with. Getting stressed and nervous tends to make people with my disorder sick an inordinately huge amount, but this is getting ridiculous. I don't want to be that girl who bails all the time 'cause she's scared and staring to feel sick because of it. I just...I never wanted to have to go on anti-depressants again, but at this point...I'm letting my illness start to ruin my life.
I never see the people I care about anymore. I work, and I sleep, and I feel sick. It's about all my body ever seems to want to do. I hate this. I love my friends so much, even the ones I don't really get to see much anymore, and I want to see them. I want to stop bailing on Taylor 'cause I owe so much to him.
I'm letting my illness and my fear get in the way of actually living a life, and that needs to stop. Missing New Years is actually weirdly enough the kick in the ass I needed to realize that I'm just letting life pass me by while I sit at home curled in bed letting every negative thought swirling in my head drag me down deeper into despair.
Sure, I can somewhat defend myself by saying it's been a rough year and a half, with my Dad passing and now all this tom-fuckery at work, but you know...that's not an excuse. My Dad doesn't want me to sit in bed all the time and do nothing, he'd want me to get help too.
So that's it, there's my resolution. It's going to take courage, resilience, and maybe even going back on meds, but I will do what I can to get my health and stress under control this year so that I can be a productive member of a group again, so I can enjoy life, and enjoy my friends.
Courtney out.
I'm sick of always feeling sick and miserable and saying 'yeah, yeah, I'll go to the doctor if it gets worse.' I need to get over my fear of going to see the doctor and get my shit dealt with. Getting stressed and nervous tends to make people with my disorder sick an inordinately huge amount, but this is getting ridiculous. I don't want to be that girl who bails all the time 'cause she's scared and staring to feel sick because of it. I just...I never wanted to have to go on anti-depressants again, but at this point...I'm letting my illness start to ruin my life.
I never see the people I care about anymore. I work, and I sleep, and I feel sick. It's about all my body ever seems to want to do. I hate this. I love my friends so much, even the ones I don't really get to see much anymore, and I want to see them. I want to stop bailing on Taylor 'cause I owe so much to him.
I'm letting my illness and my fear get in the way of actually living a life, and that needs to stop. Missing New Years is actually weirdly enough the kick in the ass I needed to realize that I'm just letting life pass me by while I sit at home curled in bed letting every negative thought swirling in my head drag me down deeper into despair.
Sure, I can somewhat defend myself by saying it's been a rough year and a half, with my Dad passing and now all this tom-fuckery at work, but you know...that's not an excuse. My Dad doesn't want me to sit in bed all the time and do nothing, he'd want me to get help too.
So that's it, there's my resolution. It's going to take courage, resilience, and maybe even going back on meds, but I will do what I can to get my health and stress under control this year so that I can be a productive member of a group again, so I can enjoy life, and enjoy my friends.
Courtney out.