Further Adventures in Awkward Fanfiction
I keep feeling a strange need to inflict the results of my odd fanfiction journeys upon other hapless people that would probably be a lot happier (though doubtlessly more bored) if they never had to read the things I stumble across in my travels through the realm of badfics.
So onto tonight's entertainments!
#1
"It's quick work from there, and Sora forgets most of it, too -- he always does, because the only important part of the night is when the orifice that isn't his mouth is eating a cock that isn't a rooster. It's the best 'chicken' he's ever had and it's fried hot and fast --"
-This is quite possibly the most awkward metaphor I think my brain has ever encountered. I don't think I'll be wating poultry for a while now....
#2
"As he opened the door his mouth fell, agape at the sight he saw. There, his princess Ribon was begin violated by his companion Oxnard. The two hamsters grasped at the fur on their bodies as Oxnard thrust into princess Ribon. With one last plowing motion a cry of ecstasy filled the room as Oxnard filled Ribon to the brim.
“Princess…. what… why?! Why are you fucking my faithful companion Oxnard!?!?!?!” Hamtaro cried, tears welling in his eyes.
“He asked me what I would do for a Klondike bar.” "
-Oh dear god. I stumbled across this and was just aghast, but the whole Klondike bar reference forced my hand, so I copy-pasted to inflict this upon you all. And yes, this is Hamtaro porn. Someone out there actually wrote Hamtaro porn.
#3
"“Please Riku-kun!” A faint blush covered the man’s cheeks. “Not there,” he said closing his legs and hugging himself. “Papa bruises easily.”
“I’m going to take a shower,” Riku said rapidly, while running up the stairs.
“Riku-kun! Don’t think yourself dirty by your ravenous desires. Let Papa wash you and clean you of your shame!”"
-*eyetwitch*...This is why I'm happy their parents never appear in the game. Yes, this is someone's conceptualization of Riku's Dad. Scary.
#4
"“My mouth is currently busy. Leave a message.” Hayner’s voice mail said."
-A fic in which Hayner is a male prostitute. Wow.
#5
""Rule five: there is no Fight Club," Oz said, deciding that that was enough rules for a first date when Connor ripped his fly open and grasped him roughly."
-a long and random talk tonight led me to look up Buffy fics, and wow. I stumbled across some weird stuff, but this one gets an inclusion for two reasons. A)The reference it makes and B)WTF Oz/Connor???
...finally, just a random question. Can anyone explain to me why so many Spike/Xander fanfics exist?? Seriously, it fruck me out...event he name-mash sounds vaguely dirty 'Spander'...
Well thanks to those who actually stuck with me through tonight's journey. Every so often I just like to explore the worst in fanficdom. Sometimes I find things truly awful and cringe-worthy, other times it's things so absolutely random or completely ridiculous, that I find myself having to record them for posterity. To be honest I do look back on these type entries when I need a quick laugh. They're therputic for me like that I guess....
So onto tonight's entertainments!
#1
"It's quick work from there, and Sora forgets most of it, too -- he always does, because the only important part of the night is when the orifice that isn't his mouth is eating a cock that isn't a rooster. It's the best 'chicken' he's ever had and it's fried hot and fast --"
-This is quite possibly the most awkward metaphor I think my brain has ever encountered. I don't think I'll be wating poultry for a while now....
#2
"As he opened the door his mouth fell, agape at the sight he saw. There, his princess Ribon was begin violated by his companion Oxnard. The two hamsters grasped at the fur on their bodies as Oxnard thrust into princess Ribon. With one last plowing motion a cry of ecstasy filled the room as Oxnard filled Ribon to the brim.
“Princess…. what… why?! Why are you fucking my faithful companion Oxnard!?!?!?!” Hamtaro cried, tears welling in his eyes.
“He asked me what I would do for a Klondike bar.” "
-Oh dear god. I stumbled across this and was just aghast, but the whole Klondike bar reference forced my hand, so I copy-pasted to inflict this upon you all. And yes, this is Hamtaro porn. Someone out there actually wrote Hamtaro porn.
#3
"“Please Riku-kun!” A faint blush covered the man’s cheeks. “Not there,” he said closing his legs and hugging himself. “Papa bruises easily.”
“I’m going to take a shower,” Riku said rapidly, while running up the stairs.
“Riku-kun! Don’t think yourself dirty by your ravenous desires. Let Papa wash you and clean you of your shame!”"
-*eyetwitch*...This is why I'm happy their parents never appear in the game. Yes, this is someone's conceptualization of Riku's Dad. Scary.
#4
"“My mouth is currently busy. Leave a message.” Hayner’s voice mail said."
-A fic in which Hayner is a male prostitute. Wow.
#5
""Rule five: there is no Fight Club," Oz said, deciding that that was enough rules for a first date when Connor ripped his fly open and grasped him roughly."
-a long and random talk tonight led me to look up Buffy fics, and wow. I stumbled across some weird stuff, but this one gets an inclusion for two reasons. A)The reference it makes and B)WTF Oz/Connor???
...finally, just a random question. Can anyone explain to me why so many Spike/Xander fanfics exist?? Seriously, it fruck me out...event he name-mash sounds vaguely dirty 'Spander'...
Well thanks to those who actually stuck with me through tonight's journey. Every so often I just like to explore the worst in fanficdom. Sometimes I find things truly awful and cringe-worthy, other times it's things so absolutely random or completely ridiculous, that I find myself having to record them for posterity. To be honest I do look back on these type entries when I need a quick laugh. They're therputic for me like that I guess....