Want
My mother asked me: "What do you want to be?"
I said: "A writer."
She said: "That's not good enough. Be realistic."
Ok... here's my realism...
I'm not a writer yet because I've been lazy, not because it's impossible. I've foolishly let myself succumb to feelings of wanting to come home, sit down and watch a movie instead of, say, write one. My habits are my own fault. When I'm not in the mood to write, not getting myself in the mood by any means necessary is also my own fault. And for every idea I start, not finishing it is my fault.
Now... me not being a writer yet is ALL my fault. Nobody else's. Doesn't mean it's not impossible and it's hard to say to someone: "I get that you might THINK I've taken my shot and failed... but I never really took it. I never really followed through and I never really researched how to get it started and if I failed somewhere I never tried another way, never used another means... I just... haven't actually tried.
I've talked about it so much and I"ve written so much that one might think that, but it's not true. I have written endlessly, I've never actually tried to become a writer.
I've talked to people, I've sent A FEW things out HERE AND THERE but if it didn't happen instantly, under my own conditions, I figured there was nothing to it. That's stupid too.
If I've learned anything about life, it's that 98% percent of all people everyone has ever met don't like them. The 2% that do become friends. Everyone else on Earth doesn't get along. Only that slight, tiny, limited few.
So, 98% of people I send my shit too won't dig it. 2% probably will. But if I only send my shit to, say, 10 people... there's a good chance those 10 fall into the 98% I'm talking about.
So, what do I want as a job?
Mother says: "Sales."
I say: "Why do you say that?"
She says "Cause you're good at it."
I want to make absolutely clear that being good at something and liking something are two different things. I don't want to work in sales because I don't like sales... even though I'm hardwired for sales, even though I can talk my way in and out of anything including other people's wallets.... I can get someone to spend money on ads they don't need but good for me as a salesperson... fuck all that. I don't like it. I don't want to do what I'm good at if I don't enjoy what I'm good at.
I'm both good at and enjoy writing. BOTH "good at" AND "enjoy"
So, that's the job I need.
If you enjoy something you suck at, or, you're good at something you hate... maybe a profession in that department is not for you.
BOTH good at AND enjoy.
That's the job you need.
So, what do I want to do?
I want a whateverthefuck job with pension, benefits, sick days, vacation and a hefty paycheck.... that'll be my day job while I use the night to try and be a writer.
And if that day job has me coming home, tired, without energy... saying: "All I wanna do is sit down and do nothing...."
.... if HARDSHIP is going to deter me from writing... then fuck me. I don't care enough about it. It's obviously not a true priority if, in the face of hardship, I give in.
If that's the case... I should stop talking about writing. Cause I really, obviously, don't care enough about it.
That is... unless I make it enough of a priority that I say: "I'm tired... TOO BAD... writing has to happen."
I said: "A writer."
She said: "That's not good enough. Be realistic."
Ok... here's my realism...
I'm not a writer yet because I've been lazy, not because it's impossible. I've foolishly let myself succumb to feelings of wanting to come home, sit down and watch a movie instead of, say, write one. My habits are my own fault. When I'm not in the mood to write, not getting myself in the mood by any means necessary is also my own fault. And for every idea I start, not finishing it is my fault.
Now... me not being a writer yet is ALL my fault. Nobody else's. Doesn't mean it's not impossible and it's hard to say to someone: "I get that you might THINK I've taken my shot and failed... but I never really took it. I never really followed through and I never really researched how to get it started and if I failed somewhere I never tried another way, never used another means... I just... haven't actually tried.
I've talked about it so much and I"ve written so much that one might think that, but it's not true. I have written endlessly, I've never actually tried to become a writer.
I've talked to people, I've sent A FEW things out HERE AND THERE but if it didn't happen instantly, under my own conditions, I figured there was nothing to it. That's stupid too.
If I've learned anything about life, it's that 98% percent of all people everyone has ever met don't like them. The 2% that do become friends. Everyone else on Earth doesn't get along. Only that slight, tiny, limited few.
So, 98% of people I send my shit too won't dig it. 2% probably will. But if I only send my shit to, say, 10 people... there's a good chance those 10 fall into the 98% I'm talking about.
So, what do I want as a job?
Mother says: "Sales."
I say: "Why do you say that?"
She says "Cause you're good at it."
I want to make absolutely clear that being good at something and liking something are two different things. I don't want to work in sales because I don't like sales... even though I'm hardwired for sales, even though I can talk my way in and out of anything including other people's wallets.... I can get someone to spend money on ads they don't need but good for me as a salesperson... fuck all that. I don't like it. I don't want to do what I'm good at if I don't enjoy what I'm good at.
I'm both good at and enjoy writing. BOTH "good at" AND "enjoy"
So, that's the job I need.
If you enjoy something you suck at, or, you're good at something you hate... maybe a profession in that department is not for you.
BOTH good at AND enjoy.
That's the job you need.
So, what do I want to do?
I want a whateverthefuck job with pension, benefits, sick days, vacation and a hefty paycheck.... that'll be my day job while I use the night to try and be a writer.
And if that day job has me coming home, tired, without energy... saying: "All I wanna do is sit down and do nothing...."
.... if HARDSHIP is going to deter me from writing... then fuck me. I don't care enough about it. It's obviously not a true priority if, in the face of hardship, I give in.
If that's the case... I should stop talking about writing. Cause I really, obviously, don't care enough about it.
That is... unless I make it enough of a priority that I say: "I'm tired... TOO BAD... writing has to happen."