(no subject)
Hmmm.. I dont even really know why I write in this thing anymore.. What I want to say, I cant say cause Ill sound sadistic and suicidal. I also wish I could say fuck you, to a few people who read this, be it rarely or moreso, but I want it to mean exactly what I feel.. so it would do no good, unless I said it to them, which obviously will never happen...
Moreover, I just want everyone to see a side of me, that no one really sees. The side of me that, cries for no reason. The side of me that gets pains that feel like you are being disembowled from the inside whenever you try to express your emotions in words. The me that can do not else but sit alone at night and wonder all the things Ive done in my life, were they mistakes? cause I dont like who Ive become. But most oftenly the side of me that cant help but care, wonder and think about how to help everyone else, but cant solve anything for myself.
I want to write things like "Fuck the world," but if you read it, you probably roll your eyes and taunt me with phrases like.. "oh you rebel.. you," Im not trying to prove anything.. I just want to be angry.. I want to scream.. with out voicing the words.. I want to bleed.. without having the blasphemy of scars.. No.. what I want to do is find someone who I really can talk to.. who I can pour my blood unto, someone that wont mind but to help, yet does nothing but listen to my pent-up rage and anguish.. but until then, I type in garbled mixed up phrases of hate and repulse..
Moreover, I just want everyone to see a side of me, that no one really sees. The side of me that, cries for no reason. The side of me that gets pains that feel like you are being disembowled from the inside whenever you try to express your emotions in words. The me that can do not else but sit alone at night and wonder all the things Ive done in my life, were they mistakes? cause I dont like who Ive become. But most oftenly the side of me that cant help but care, wonder and think about how to help everyone else, but cant solve anything for myself.
I want to write things like "Fuck the world," but if you read it, you probably roll your eyes and taunt me with phrases like.. "oh you rebel.. you," Im not trying to prove anything.. I just want to be angry.. I want to scream.. with out voicing the words.. I want to bleed.. without having the blasphemy of scars.. No.. what I want to do is find someone who I really can talk to.. who I can pour my blood unto, someone that wont mind but to help, yet does nothing but listen to my pent-up rage and anguish.. but until then, I type in garbled mixed up phrases of hate and repulse..