My impossible dream

[ryanblitz]

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

- Ernest HemingwayUnique, one of a kind, strange, a character...all aforementioned terms have been labeled on me at some time or another throughout my life. I've been called brilliant, smart, an intellect, and even genius. Perhaps the weight of carrying those titles around on my

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My two and a half cents worth...

[qball2k]

I know what it’s like to be lonely, to spend your time wondering just what’s wrong with you that makes everyone look elsewhere to find that perfection they so desperately seek. You spend many long and lonely hours wondering what flaw people have used to justify excluding you as a person, that you’re not quite what they are looking for.

I mean, it’s not that I’m afraid of commitment. On the contrary, I seek it. Having gone through hell with the breakdown of a marriage, I’m still ready, willing and able to make that commitment to someone who is willing to accept me for who I am, with all of my foibles, as I am willing to accept them with all of theirs. I guess I still live in hopes that someone, someday, will look at me the same way.

I would dearly love to have that “warm blanket that is companionship” and will allow myself to go past that certain point, if I think that the feeling is mutual. Having been burned once, I don’t intend to be burned twice as the saying goes.

In the past, I’ve been excluded from consideration by people for many different reasons. Whether the person uses my age, my weight, my hair colour or my looks, it hurts. It’s hard when you have the feeling that the person you’re dealing with would (in your opinion) be as perfect for you as you would be for them.

Seeking out flaws in people for the sole purpose of creating a back door to give yourself the opportunity to bypass them for consideration, could lead to a very lonely life indeed. The Internet does provide the security and the ability to leave at any point, but how many opportunities are lost along the way as a result.

Maybe your expectations are too high, the imaginary person on the pillar of hope too unattainable, too unreachable. Have you foregone a life of safety and security in your search for phantom perfection? Have you bypassed a lifetime lived with the knowledge that the person you’re with truly loves you for who you are, not what you can do for them? That’s something only time will tell.

Don’t wait for something better to come round the corner. Live the moment. Learn to love someone for who they are, not because they have met some perceived criteria only you know exists. Can you learn to love someone? Is sex the only cornerstone to a healthy relationship? Trust, comfort, feeling at ease with someone, those are also cornerstones. When one area may be weak at on point in time, the others fill in that void.

I think that everyone goes through phases in relationships. From the initial infatuation stage, through to the stage where you experience deep, overwhelming feelings of love and concern, we are all on a journey. It’s the journey of self-realization. It’s the journey of life. It's certainly not a journey that’s traveled overnight or ends quickly.

I’m not sure whether it’s a conditioning process to be attracted to someone, or a realization of your own expectations and needs. We don’t always get what we want, sometimes we get what we need. The real value lies in recognizing that it’s not ignoring the instincts of your heart and settling for something less.

Don’t ignore the speck of dirt on the lens, while looking for that bright, shining star.