in a galaxy far far away.
am i finally going to be honest? possibly. I think a large contributing factor to the fact im feeling shit recently is due to the long distance blues. This is not how the start of a new relationship should feel. we should be happy, doing tonnes of stuff together, enjoying our company. instead the only time i get to talk to him, he is tired and i am depressed that i cant be with him. when we do get moments together, it is literally just that. moments.
This stupid situation leads me to that horrible place where i start doubting. maybe he doesnt want to be with me. maybe he just cant be bothered. maybe he's lost the will to carry on. maybe he's realised its not worth it.
and now for the important question.
Can you deal with it? no. But, i am willing to try. i feel a lot for this guy (against every natural instinct i had that it was going to end up a mess... hmm) and i do NOT want to throw that away. I will just have to suck it up and be ok with that. I will just have to hope that my paranoia is just that. In the mean time, i feel sick. pale. without purpose. stupid. like i need to burst.
Stupid being amplified by the short time we've been together. Am i just desperate for something to work for me? Then surely i'd be quite happy to ditch him and go for someone a little more accessable?
My honest thoughts? I love him and I need to sort this situation. I feel trapped by it.
This stupid situation leads me to that horrible place where i start doubting. maybe he doesnt want to be with me. maybe he just cant be bothered. maybe he's lost the will to carry on. maybe he's realised its not worth it.
and now for the important question.
Can you deal with it? no. But, i am willing to try. i feel a lot for this guy (against every natural instinct i had that it was going to end up a mess... hmm) and i do NOT want to throw that away. I will just have to suck it up and be ok with that. I will just have to hope that my paranoia is just that. In the mean time, i feel sick. pale. without purpose. stupid. like i need to burst.
Stupid being amplified by the short time we've been together. Am i just desperate for something to work for me? Then surely i'd be quite happy to ditch him and go for someone a little more accessable?
My honest thoughts? I love him and I need to sort this situation. I feel trapped by it.