(no subject)
hope you're alright. it's been rough for me. thinking all night. bout the places i'd be. if i maybe.just a little bit more. you might've let me. become a man for sure. and if i might. express one concern. seems an issue. all day and every turn. what's the next step. the lastest hole in my life. what's left for me to learn. -lyrics by volz "my letter"
i know i haven't been around lately. i've been reading my friends page....lurking. it's kind of depressing. everyone bickering with each other. saying what's mine is mine and the famous "stay away" line....you know what i'm talking about....when someone comes along causing a bump in the road, coming in between you and your significant other. then you're faced with an important decision which could drastically change your life either for the worst or for the best.
we always run into obsticles because that's life. you live and you learn. that's the keyword. learn. learn from your mistakes. i seem to be doing alot of them....mistakes i mean. i can't seem to do anything right. i'm such a fuck up. but when i think of the wonderful friends i have like,aimee, she makes me want to become a better person.
i'm slowly forgiving myself. for a moment in my life i didn't see a reason for my existance. i hurt everyone around me even the people i love. maybe i was hard on myself. maybe the beating from wayne was what i needed to help me think straight. or maybe it was the ultimatum volz gave me about staying or leaving the band but he knows how much music is a part of my life. if i didn't have this career i wouldn't know where i'd be right now.
with all the depressing drama going around you could still find some couples in complete bliss with each other, for instance, majandra and jason. looking at them gives me a positive outlook that there is someone for me out there. i love nadja but we weren't right for each other. it's strange though, that we've been through alot together and we never really took our relationship onto a serious level. we could work things out again or maybe not. i choose not. i put her through so much pain i don't want to hurt her again. i left her in the dark. i'm a terrible person for doing that. she deserves better. i hope she finds that someone that makes her happy. she deserves it.
i haven't heard from heather since i started touring. we have a long history together. she knows me better than i know myself which frightens me. sometimes i wish we were still together and engaged. we would be planning, actually she would be the one planning our wedding right now and trying to decide on the date. i realize now more than ever it was a good choice on both our parts that we broke up. i'm not stable enough for that kind of commitment or any kind of commiment for that matter. at least right now. i need to work on making myself happy before i could make someone else happy.
as for jamie lynn i miss her friendship. i'm a scumbag for what i did to her. i could never forgive myself. it hurts knowing that she hates me. i lost her trust and respect. i'll never get it back. i don't blame her. the day when chris lets jay back in the band is when jamie lynn will forgive me.
i didn't realize how long this post was. i didn't know i could ramble on like that so i'm stopping now since i have to get onstage soon.
i know i haven't been around lately. i've been reading my friends page....lurking. it's kind of depressing. everyone bickering with each other. saying what's mine is mine and the famous "stay away" line....you know what i'm talking about....when someone comes along causing a bump in the road, coming in between you and your significant other. then you're faced with an important decision which could drastically change your life either for the worst or for the best.
we always run into obsticles because that's life. you live and you learn. that's the keyword. learn. learn from your mistakes. i seem to be doing alot of them....mistakes i mean. i can't seem to do anything right. i'm such a fuck up. but when i think of the wonderful friends i have like,aimee, she makes me want to become a better person.
i'm slowly forgiving myself. for a moment in my life i didn't see a reason for my existance. i hurt everyone around me even the people i love. maybe i was hard on myself. maybe the beating from wayne was what i needed to help me think straight. or maybe it was the ultimatum volz gave me about staying or leaving the band but he knows how much music is a part of my life. if i didn't have this career i wouldn't know where i'd be right now.
with all the depressing drama going around you could still find some couples in complete bliss with each other, for instance, majandra and jason. looking at them gives me a positive outlook that there is someone for me out there. i love nadja but we weren't right for each other. it's strange though, that we've been through alot together and we never really took our relationship onto a serious level. we could work things out again or maybe not. i choose not. i put her through so much pain i don't want to hurt her again. i left her in the dark. i'm a terrible person for doing that. she deserves better. i hope she finds that someone that makes her happy. she deserves it.
i haven't heard from heather since i started touring. we have a long history together. she knows me better than i know myself which frightens me. sometimes i wish we were still together and engaged. we would be planning, actually she would be the one planning our wedding right now and trying to decide on the date. i realize now more than ever it was a good choice on both our parts that we broke up. i'm not stable enough for that kind of commitment or any kind of commiment for that matter. at least right now. i need to work on making myself happy before i could make someone else happy.
as for jamie lynn i miss her friendship. i'm a scumbag for what i did to her. i could never forgive myself. it hurts knowing that she hates me. i lost her trust and respect. i'll never get it back. i don't blame her. the day when chris lets jay back in the band is when jamie lynn will forgive me.
i didn't realize how long this post was. i didn't know i could ramble on like that so i'm stopping now since i have to get onstage soon.