The Old and the Restless: Stories
Ever since I turned 30, I began noticing that my memory and mental competence has been declining.
And not it's just not me, I began noticing that it has been happening to the people who work around me also. An example of this happened last week. It went something like this:
MY MANAGER: I think I've lost my mind. I came into work this morning, and as I was walking to my desk, I felt that something was off. I looked down at my feet, and I noticed that I had two different types of shoes on. One is red and the other is black. I put on two shoes that did not match at all. No one better find out about this. As a former beauty queen, I would be publicly shamed.
ME: I'm sorry, can you come a little closer? I am texting EVERYONE I KNOW about your wardrobe mishap, I just need to take a picture of this.
Later that morning...
CUTE COWORKER BOY: You want to know something funny? I just went to the bathroom, and noticed that I had my underwear on backwards. I laughed about it.
ME: What?! How does that even happen? I don't think I've ever put my underwear on backwards before. (Thinks about it). This might be crossing the line...but what type of underwear do you wear? Because isn't it pretty hard not to notice when you put your briefs on backwards?
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Hmmm...Why are you so curious about what underwear I have on? You want to see? We can totally go to my car at lunch and you can see.
ME: What!? No. No. No. I don't want to see. I...well...STOP FLIRTING WITH ME, IT'S DISTRACTING.
CUTE COWORKER BOY: I AM NOT flirting with you.
ME: You are too flirting with me, you do it all day long. Like last week, when we went out for Mexican food. You accidentally dropped those chips in my lap...and then you went to retrieve them. Like you were digging for gold down there, even though I told you I'd do it myself.
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Hey. There was hot cheese on those chips, I didn't want you to get burned. Besides, It was a complete accident that I touched your...
MY BOSS: (Interrupting us) Okay, you guys need to stop flirting with each other and take me to the shoe store. Mama needs a new pair of shoes.
ME: We are not flirting with each other!
MY BOSS: (rolls her eyes) Please, I feel like a gay porno is going to happen right in front of my eyes when I stand in between you two.
And not it's just not me, I began noticing that it has been happening to the people who work around me also. An example of this happened last week. It went something like this:
MY MANAGER: I think I've lost my mind. I came into work this morning, and as I was walking to my desk, I felt that something was off. I looked down at my feet, and I noticed that I had two different types of shoes on. One is red and the other is black. I put on two shoes that did not match at all. No one better find out about this. As a former beauty queen, I would be publicly shamed.
ME: I'm sorry, can you come a little closer? I am texting EVERYONE I KNOW about your wardrobe mishap, I just need to take a picture of this.
Later that morning...
CUTE COWORKER BOY: You want to know something funny? I just went to the bathroom, and noticed that I had my underwear on backwards. I laughed about it.
ME: What?! How does that even happen? I don't think I've ever put my underwear on backwards before. (Thinks about it). This might be crossing the line...but what type of underwear do you wear? Because isn't it pretty hard not to notice when you put your briefs on backwards?
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Hmmm...Why are you so curious about what underwear I have on? You want to see? We can totally go to my car at lunch and you can see.
ME: What!? No. No. No. I don't want to see. I...well...STOP FLIRTING WITH ME, IT'S DISTRACTING.
CUTE COWORKER BOY: I AM NOT flirting with you.
ME: You are too flirting with me, you do it all day long. Like last week, when we went out for Mexican food. You accidentally dropped those chips in my lap...and then you went to retrieve them. Like you were digging for gold down there, even though I told you I'd do it myself.
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Hey. There was hot cheese on those chips, I didn't want you to get burned. Besides, It was a complete accident that I touched your...
MY BOSS: (Interrupting us) Okay, you guys need to stop flirting with each other and take me to the shoe store. Mama needs a new pair of shoes.
ME: We are not flirting with each other!
MY BOSS: (rolls her eyes) Please, I feel like a gay porno is going to happen right in front of my eyes when I stand in between you two.