Sins of the Family ch. I: A Simple Mistake

[ryals_shoal]

Title: Sins of the Family
Series: Naruto
Rating: PG (for now, ratings will go up as story progresses)
Category: Adventure/Suspense/Romance
Synopsis: A direct attempt on Iruka’s life forces him to flee from Konoha with Kakashi as a reluctant bodyguard. Their only hope lies in uncovering the buried secrets of Iruka’s family, and they must do so

Comments

[unjaundiced]

I just saw this on AFF a few hours ago and I must say, I am hooked. I almost feel bad for saying it, but I want to see who tries to nail Iruka next after ...er... person in the next chapter, lol!

You've managed to very cleverly tie in "accidents" which I love so much.

*showers your muses with snacks and plushies*

Grow, my pretties! Grow!

[ryals_shoal]

Aw shucks! Thank your for the snacks and plushies! *devours them all mercilessly* And thank you for the nice comment!

[shadow_purple]

Oh jeez!! I can tell it's gonna be a hell-fire of a day for Iruka! Man! This is intense, yo. I can't even...
I'm excited for updates~ Most definitely~ :3

[ryals_shoal]

Thank you! ^^ I tried my best to be pretty true with the Naruto Universe, one of the things that appeals to me the most about the francise is Kishimoto's ability to balance out humor with drama, and vice-versa.

Bad wordfinder, for missing sharingan, bad! Thanks for catching that!

[illereyn]

Ooo! looking forward to the next chapter - sharp pointy objects + clumsy kids + Iruka = ????!

Por Iruka.

[ryals_shoal]

Haha I know! It is such a scary combination! And Iruka has to deal with it almost everyday O_O; He's one brave shinobi!

[yaburetayume]

Well, even though you've already got up to the fourth chapter posted, I'm commenting here anyway. :)

This is an intriguing premise and I think you're executing it very well. However, I'm noticing a number of spelling and punctuation errors, and a noticeable (at least to me) lack of consistency about certain words and capitalization. Given these things, I urge you to get a proofreader. I'm sure there are some friendly people who'd be willing to do it. And if you're in doubt about any terms or whatnot, visit the Narutopedia.

Okay then, I'm off to read the other chapters. I may not comment, because I'm almost criminally lazy, but I will be reading them. Thank you for sharing this story with everyone, and I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.

[ryals_shoal]

I am by no means a very proficiant writer, and I still have a lot to learn! Thank you for the suggestions, I shall be on the prowl for a Beta!