/It's no surprise to me/I am my own worst enemy/
So, Here's the lowdown:
I've sunken into a seemingly "intractable" depression, which means no crazy mood swings but a steady vibe of "life, the universe and I all suck. People suck. Let's sleep all day."
My meds are officially failing. My psychiatrist is really invested in my case, which is good, but everytime I don't respond to treatment I feel like I've failed him somehow. He says he doesn't "want ANYone to do anything to hurt themselves, but [he] really hates to see wasted potential."
Peachy. My mom is hovering so close she might as well come to class with me, since she's going to be up at IWU all next week to make sure I survive. It's gotten to the point Dr. Alvarez made me promise not to do anything stupid, basically "Don't off yourself" I believe were his exact words. I love that guy. I feel like his random, crazy caucasian daughter sometimes.
On the medication front, he's scrapping everything and slowly weaning me off of everything until he can start me on respirdal and something else. Which means my cholesterol will REALLY take a hit. Damn medication.
The fun part? The combo isn't exactly FDA approved. It IS, though, within the mythical, all encompassing "Standard of care." But C'est la vie en medication, no?
I'm keeping the clonazepam as a net, so when my brain starts withdrawl I won't go completely deranged.
Fun in the medicated sun is comming up-- a week in Florida, just three generations of Dickey women trapped together in a tiny condo with a pool and one car. I call the pool. If worse comes to worse, I can make an island in the middle and refuse to come to the shore. That works, right? XD
I've sunken into a seemingly "intractable" depression, which means no crazy mood swings but a steady vibe of "life, the universe and I all suck. People suck. Let's sleep all day."
My meds are officially failing. My psychiatrist is really invested in my case, which is good, but everytime I don't respond to treatment I feel like I've failed him somehow. He says he doesn't "want ANYone to do anything to hurt themselves, but [he] really hates to see wasted potential."
Peachy. My mom is hovering so close she might as well come to class with me, since she's going to be up at IWU all next week to make sure I survive. It's gotten to the point Dr. Alvarez made me promise not to do anything stupid, basically "Don't off yourself" I believe were his exact words. I love that guy. I feel like his random, crazy caucasian daughter sometimes.
On the medication front, he's scrapping everything and slowly weaning me off of everything until he can start me on respirdal and something else. Which means my cholesterol will REALLY take a hit. Damn medication.
The fun part? The combo isn't exactly FDA approved. It IS, though, within the mythical, all encompassing "Standard of care." But C'est la vie en medication, no?
I'm keeping the clonazepam as a net, so when my brain starts withdrawl I won't go completely deranged.
Fun in the medicated sun is comming up-- a week in Florida, just three generations of Dickey women trapped together in a tiny condo with a pool and one car. I call the pool. If worse comes to worse, I can make an island in the middle and refuse to come to the shore. That works, right? XD