Taking Children Seriously

[rwitte42]

My ex-wife and her friend recently took me to task (read: lectured me for better than a half-hour while Brittany sat on the floor and cried) over my parenting choices. Specifically, they took issue with the fact that I allow Brittany (and the other kids) to have a higher degree of autonomy than they think is appropriate. I was informed that a 14-

Comments

I can't judge...

[journeyrose]

I was allowed to go shopping in grocery stores, go on the bus alone, go to downtown Denver to spend a school holiday in the courtrooms (I liked to go to courtrooms as a kid, don't ask), all before I was 9. No one ever asked me about homework or brushing my teeth. I was shocked when a friend actually asked her child about homework--it seemed somehow obscene to me.

So I can't say anything. But I did have a goddaughter who was never allowed on the bus by herself, never allowed to handle money and make bad choices (you could have had that ice cream if you hadn't spent 3 months of allowances on your broken toy...). And now she is extremely helpless, has not gone to college and is "wasting her life..." On the other hand, I thought nothing of travelling through Europe alone or working my way through college (I have worked for and paid for all of my living expenses since I was 14...)

So I would counsel setting clear, planned boundaries. At 9 you can do this. At 10 this. And check with money magazine, parent magazines, whatever. But be clear about what kids can and can not do. Then stick to your guns...