Ripping up bits of paper

Feb 18, 2006 16:39


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allida February 19 2006, 13:43:31 UTC
My best friend in High School (who incidentally is now working for the US government in Iraq, though not in the capacity of actually being a member of the Army, though she is in the National Guard and would have had to go anyway. She is a contractor making ass-loads of money for something she was going to have to do anyway {fixing helicopters}) used to tear up pieces of paper in pure rage, and it was the only outward sign of her emotion she allowed. I knew her very well, so I could tell how angry she was even before she would tear pieces of paper into 4mm square bits (yes that's 2mm X 2mm: TINY) methodically and pile them up in front of her on the table.

But very few other people noticed because she is Chinese (from Taiwan actually) which meant that her facial expressions confused people, and also that there was a cultural bit going on too. I've met Chinese who get angry, and show it, but they've always been men. The women I know who are Chinese endeavor to hide their intense negative emotions. My experience is not huge, but anway, I'm rambling.

She tore up the paper because it satisfied her. Later she began cutting herself for the endorphine rush to calm herself, but she began with tearing paper. I don't know her so well anymore. The last time we saw each other in person was right before she went off as a contractor, almost a year and a half ago. The time before we got in a huge argument about who we were going to vote for in the last presidential election. I'll leave you to guess who each of us voted for.

Anyway, I understand the joy of tearing things up, or breaking them. I like to cut my hair, because I like the feeling of the scissors cutting away a part of me, even if it is already dead.

(/ramble)

--a

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rwillmsen February 19 2006, 17:35:26 UTC
Is your hair really dead? I'd never thought of it as such.

Chinese people often laugh when they're nervous or embarrassed, male or female, which is confusing and kind of aggravating the first, ooh, three hundred and thirty times it happens. I didn't see many visibly angry Chinese women around, so you must have a point there. I think on the whole Chinese people only show their anger as an absolute last resort.

Sorry to hear about your friend. At the risk of appearing glib, I guess there must be a direct connection between self-harm and voting Republican.

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