I got this in an email and thought it was funny.
> 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your
house faster than an
ambulance.
>
>
> 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
places in front of
a skating rink.
>
> 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
>
> 4. Only in America......do people order double
cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
>
> 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors
open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
>
> 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.
>
> 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines
to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call
from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
>
> 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED
ME!)
>
> 9. Only in America......do we use the word
'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
>
> 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
machines with
Braille lettering.
>
>
> EVER WONDER ~~~~
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
closed?
>
> Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
>
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click
on "Start"?
>
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
it?
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
injections?
>
>
> You know that indestructible black box that is used
on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they are all
stuck together?
>
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
the terminal?
>
>
> ~~~~~
>
> In case you needed further proof that the
> human race is doomed through stupidity,
> here are some actual label instructions
> on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
>
> On a bag of Fritos: .. You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
>
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap." (and that
would be how??...)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but,
it's "just" a suggestion.)
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed onbottom): "Do
not turn upside
down."
>
> (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
>
> On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be
hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
>
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron
clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a
car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do
a lot to reduce the
rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds
with head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm
taking this because???....)
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
>
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news
flash)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3:
maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not
enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I
blame the parents for
this one.)
>
>
> On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)
--
Welcome to my world
lol isnt that something
house faster than an
ambulance.
>
>
> 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
places in front of
a skating rink.
>
> 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
>
> 4. Only in America......do people order double
cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
>
> 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors
open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
>
> 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.
>
> 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines
to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call
from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
>
> 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED
ME!)
>
> 9. Only in America......do we use the word
'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
>
> 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
machines with
Braille lettering.
>
>
> EVER WONDER ~~~~
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
closed?
>
> Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
>
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click
on "Start"?
>
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
it?
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
injections?
>
>
> You know that indestructible black box that is used
on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they are all
stuck together?
>
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
the terminal?
>
>
> ~~~~~
>
> In case you needed further proof that the
> human race is doomed through stupidity,
> here are some actual label instructions
> on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
>
> On a bag of Fritos: .. You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
>
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap." (and that
would be how??...)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but,
it's "just" a suggestion.)
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed onbottom): "Do
not turn upside
down."
>
> (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
>
> On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be
hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
>
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron
clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a
car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do
a lot to reduce the
rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds
with head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm
taking this because???....)
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
>
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for
the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news
flash)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3:
maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not
enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I
blame the parents for
this one.)
>
>
> On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands
or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)
--
Welcome to my world
lol isnt that something