(no subject)
So, we are now just 3 1/2 days away from this big trip. The trip away from the state, for the first time on my own.
And to say I ain't nervous, is completely bullshitting you. I am more than nervous, I am on high alert and on high guard.
To say to any of you also that I know what to expect is another bullshit lie.
Its funny actually. One month ago, this trip was just a chance to go visit her and Austin and help her out just a tad. And how I was lost in the mix, and how everything was lost.
Look what a month can do to a mindset, huh? Now, soooooooo much is riding on this one trip away from my reality and into another. Jobs, pay, lifestyle, culture, just everything that I can honestly think of, and now breathe about, is here. Mindsets, the future, my actual love for someone. It all rides down to this one 5-day vacation. The 5 days in which I really will be surveying everything. Down to the bone. Down to even, maybe, the very last detail and all. Sure it aint the best idea and people will say I am paranoid, but if you only could see a smidget into what I think, and how I could handle this.
Honestly, to say I am also prepared for what I am handling down there and what to do, thats another lie. So many things and possibilities, and "what-ifs" and "how-sos" that its stressing me. There are so many things I have to ask myself in these next 3 days, and all about what things are going to unfold or happen or just what is going to exactly become OF me, when I DO go down there.
Its just so nerve-racking me right now. The job honestly is getting to be easier, but more longer now. The days go by like snails. And with all of this on my mind, it doesn't make my mindset or my actual overall feeling and mood much easier.
What I am trying to say is, this is it. The week ahead. The week of which everything will be defined. Everything will be answered. Everything will be realized. Everything will finally come out of the hole, and I will know, by this time next week, my decision. All I have to say is: I hope, for the love of God, that I don't have to deal with drama when I'm down there. Its an examination period, its a seeking of projects. Its the first look through a new window of life.
And now, I prepare. Let the preparations, mindsets and ideals begin to come forth, and let the guard be thrown up. All I ask: Trust me folks. This is something for myself. I have gotten all the opinions I need from every kind of person I hang out with. I have taken them all into consideration, and now, with who I know cares and who gave me their opinion, its time to see who was right, and who was wrong.
3 days, and my life, as I know it, may be changed forever.
And to say I ain't nervous, is completely bullshitting you. I am more than nervous, I am on high alert and on high guard.
To say to any of you also that I know what to expect is another bullshit lie.
Its funny actually. One month ago, this trip was just a chance to go visit her and Austin and help her out just a tad. And how I was lost in the mix, and how everything was lost.
Look what a month can do to a mindset, huh? Now, soooooooo much is riding on this one trip away from my reality and into another. Jobs, pay, lifestyle, culture, just everything that I can honestly think of, and now breathe about, is here. Mindsets, the future, my actual love for someone. It all rides down to this one 5-day vacation. The 5 days in which I really will be surveying everything. Down to the bone. Down to even, maybe, the very last detail and all. Sure it aint the best idea and people will say I am paranoid, but if you only could see a smidget into what I think, and how I could handle this.
Honestly, to say I am also prepared for what I am handling down there and what to do, thats another lie. So many things and possibilities, and "what-ifs" and "how-sos" that its stressing me. There are so many things I have to ask myself in these next 3 days, and all about what things are going to unfold or happen or just what is going to exactly become OF me, when I DO go down there.
Its just so nerve-racking me right now. The job honestly is getting to be easier, but more longer now. The days go by like snails. And with all of this on my mind, it doesn't make my mindset or my actual overall feeling and mood much easier.
What I am trying to say is, this is it. The week ahead. The week of which everything will be defined. Everything will be answered. Everything will be realized. Everything will finally come out of the hole, and I will know, by this time next week, my decision. All I have to say is: I hope, for the love of God, that I don't have to deal with drama when I'm down there. Its an examination period, its a seeking of projects. Its the first look through a new window of life.
And now, I prepare. Let the preparations, mindsets and ideals begin to come forth, and let the guard be thrown up. All I ask: Trust me folks. This is something for myself. I have gotten all the opinions I need from every kind of person I hang out with. I have taken them all into consideration, and now, with who I know cares and who gave me their opinion, its time to see who was right, and who was wrong.
3 days, and my life, as I know it, may be changed forever.