(no subject)
I'm doing a lot better.
I'm happy. I feel damn cute. I'm painting. I'm running. I have a cat on the weekends named cougar<3I babysit him for my friend...but really its for me. I have some good friends. I have found new and bigger woods and I go regularily. I keep my room clean. compulsivly. and I'm growing discipline.
I don't use heat in my apartment because its so badly insolated (I can feel the wind through my windows, and I've used duct tape to seal them) and its a fucking waste of energy and too expensive. so generally the thermostat reads about 54 in my place. Its cool, I wear a lot of sweaters and use my sleeping bag at night.
The greatest grief in my life now is the city. Without exageration, I hear sirens Multiple times an hour. I can't walk a few 5 blocks without seeing a cop car. I see an ambulance at least once or twice a day. There are empty crack viles next to my house and a few days ago there was a syringe. It feels like a war zone and a police state. A 15 yr old girl was murdered, stabbed for her cell by a group of kids at the light rail stop a few blocks from my place, that I use. I've never been exposed to so much poverty and violence, Whatever I'm doing, running, feeling joy, hw, the incesant sirens are a constant reminder of the violence all around me, that people are suffering and dying. I am constantly reminded of the pain, and nothing in my life is carefree anymore.
I also can't take hearing about the war in Iraq. Everyday on npr, its atrocity, blood, death, suicide bombings everywhere, death squads, slaughter, pain, loss. And for what. For What?
And I've been so sheltered all my life and fuck I still am. But reality is hitting me hard. Damn hard.
I'm happy. I feel damn cute. I'm painting. I'm running. I have a cat on the weekends named cougar<3I babysit him for my friend...but really its for me. I have some good friends. I have found new and bigger woods and I go regularily. I keep my room clean. compulsivly. and I'm growing discipline.
I don't use heat in my apartment because its so badly insolated (I can feel the wind through my windows, and I've used duct tape to seal them) and its a fucking waste of energy and too expensive. so generally the thermostat reads about 54 in my place. Its cool, I wear a lot of sweaters and use my sleeping bag at night.
The greatest grief in my life now is the city. Without exageration, I hear sirens Multiple times an hour. I can't walk a few 5 blocks without seeing a cop car. I see an ambulance at least once or twice a day. There are empty crack viles next to my house and a few days ago there was a syringe. It feels like a war zone and a police state. A 15 yr old girl was murdered, stabbed for her cell by a group of kids at the light rail stop a few blocks from my place, that I use. I've never been exposed to so much poverty and violence, Whatever I'm doing, running, feeling joy, hw, the incesant sirens are a constant reminder of the violence all around me, that people are suffering and dying. I am constantly reminded of the pain, and nothing in my life is carefree anymore.
I also can't take hearing about the war in Iraq. Everyday on npr, its atrocity, blood, death, suicide bombings everywhere, death squads, slaughter, pain, loss. And for what. For What?
And I've been so sheltered all my life and fuck I still am. But reality is hitting me hard. Damn hard.