(no subject)

[ruthybaby]

I've just found out that my aunty is dying. I dunno if I've mentioned my Aunty Mary before but after my Mum died she took me under her wing and was like a Mum to me. She was my mums sister in law and best friend, she lives in Ireland so I only get to see her about once a year. She first got breast cancer a few years ago had her breast removed and was treated, then found out she had it in her other breast and had that removed and treatment. She then found out she had it on the base of her spine that they couldn't cure it but could treat it to stop it from spreading or so they thought. She started vomitting all her food back and suffering from stomach ache went for test and found out yest that she has more than one tumour and it's incureable. It could be weeks it could be months but we are now playing the waiting game. I have a week off next week but family are trying to persuade me it's best not to go over they have been trying to protect me since my Mum died but my Mum died nearly years ago and I am a 22 year old woman now not a 12 year old girl. I know that if I don't go over I'll never forgive myself but if I do will it be too much for Mary. I don't wanna go against people but I dont want the last tme I see her to be when she's too ill to know I'm there.
All I know is that my heart has broken into a thosand pieces and I feel lost and helpless. My wonderful boyfriend is on his way over as we speak despite having to get up at 6.30am to go to work. I just need a cuddle and I'm on my own in Sheffield I can't wait for him to get here.
My days are now gonna spent waiting for the phonecall I don't want to come.