(no subject)
Does anyone else wonder why God forgives all the time? yeah, we all know why. But i mean sometimes it just hits you. Like Mary being a virgin and having a baby.. WHAT THE CRAP?! How does that happen?! Then it hits you, that's so amazing what God can do. But I'm just realizing this about forgiveness. It's so darn hard to forgive people. Am I the only one who struggles with this? Ofcourse not. Dumb question. But its ridculous how hard we hold on to something that's a worthless grudge. Nothing is gonna happen when you hold on that long. The best you can get is a little ribbon that says, "Longest grudge held". Congradulations! The rest of the world absolutely hates you. How does God do it? How can He forgive me when I fail him all the time. Do I really think I can trick him? I'm gonna do what you want me to Lord... ha! Tricked you! I didn't do it. His heart was already broken when I decided not to do it. If i know this, why do i continue to do it day after day. Hour after hour.. breaking the heart of the Being that created and formed me. The one who spoke the world into existence and yet I can't even give up a single thing. A lousy grudge. I'm still trippin on why its sucking the life out of me just to forgive. Forgive and forget. Yeah, what a saying. Too bad you'll never forget. That's a ridculous saying. Honestly, forgetting shouldn't be in our vocabulary. We don't forget. We choose not to remember. Even that still means you remember it. Why am I constantly falling to my knees before I give up that one little thing? Why do I offer everything with my heart closed like a fist? I want to love You better than this. How come its always the little things that pull us down like an anchor in the water? Satan's just waiting to drown me in a pool of grudges and failures.
Honestly, I don't know if i'll make it to Peru. I can't keep living like this. It's a constant weight on my soul. This constant burning grudge. I know what I have to do and I refuse to do it. How can I serve you and be mediocrite* about it? I don't think I can survive just living and breathing right now, as simple as it is. What's the point in life if you can't follow Christ? That's why people's lives are so worthless.. they find that out sooner or later. You find your purpose in life is to just make God smile. Why can't I just do my job? God keeps showing me things in my life.. pointing me to the right direction in what I should do and how I can obey Him. Out of the year 2005, I've realized nothing exciting has happend. Everything was meaningless. (Don't take it personally) But in this past month, January, God keeps working in me. Stirring in me this passion. Nothing like this has happend in a long time. Not a lot of things are really important that I make it out to be. Doing His will for my life is more important than anything that I can ever do in my humaness. Can I just do my job??
The mistakes I've made, that caused pain
I could have done without, all my selfish thoughts
All my pride, the things I hide
You have forgot about
They're all behind you, they`ll never find you
They're on the ocean floor, your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom, of the ocean floor
Honestly, I don't know if i'll make it to Peru. I can't keep living like this. It's a constant weight on my soul. This constant burning grudge. I know what I have to do and I refuse to do it. How can I serve you and be mediocrite* about it? I don't think I can survive just living and breathing right now, as simple as it is. What's the point in life if you can't follow Christ? That's why people's lives are so worthless.. they find that out sooner or later. You find your purpose in life is to just make God smile. Why can't I just do my job? God keeps showing me things in my life.. pointing me to the right direction in what I should do and how I can obey Him. Out of the year 2005, I've realized nothing exciting has happend. Everything was meaningless. (Don't take it personally) But in this past month, January, God keeps working in me. Stirring in me this passion. Nothing like this has happend in a long time. Not a lot of things are really important that I make it out to be. Doing His will for my life is more important than anything that I can ever do in my humaness. Can I just do my job??
The mistakes I've made, that caused pain
I could have done without, all my selfish thoughts
All my pride, the things I hide
You have forgot about
They're all behind you, they`ll never find you
They're on the ocean floor, your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom, of the ocean floor