Tough Like A Bullet Shell
Title: Tough Like a Bulletshell
Author: ruthiestump a.k.a me. :)
Pairing: None yet.
Rating: R for swearing.
Warning: NONE
Disclaimer: FICTION which means fake.
Summary: In the desert right outside Battery City, You'll do anything to survive even if it means doing something you do want to.
A/N: My first Killjoy fic and because I'm slow, it isn't beta'd. :( I ( Read more... )
I think you have an interesting idea. Writing the Dustverse with an OC can more difficult and kudos for doing that. I'd recommend getting a beta or if you'd rather not proof-reading this by reading it aloud. You're good at keeping this all in the OC's point-of-view except for one random switch to Mikey's pov for a couple sentences.
There are some questions reading your story brought up:
1. Why does she mis-identify the Killjoys as Dracs when they aren't wearing white?
2. Why do the Killjoys use Frank, Mikey, etc. when they first meet her and are talking among themselves yet introduce themselves to her by Party Poison etc.?
3. If Mikey knows martial arts why can't he free himself from her when she catches him?
4. Why would Mikey call her a whore? I can see him using bitch given the circumstances but whore doesn't fit with the circumstances. She hasn't done anything that could be constructed in any way to be "acting like a whore". If you want Mikey to keep using insults to refer to her I would really sugest using an insult that is circumstance appropriate. I'm not saying that this version of Mikey - the harsh Killjoy member - wouldn't call a woman a whore but that in this particular instance it doesn't make sense for him to use whore.
5. Why does Frank want her to join them when they know nothing about her other than she held Mikey at raygun point? You've written this a little bit but I think it would make the case stronger if you expanded on Frank's reasons.
6. What motivates her to keep Mikey at raygun point instead of ambushing him and shooting him from a safe distance?
7. What happens to her car?
You have created an OC who has the potential to be an interesting character but you need to expand her characterization to reach that potential. The most important thing is you need to explain her motivation. She doesn't like white and is lonely but those are necessarily reasons that most people would going on the run. What else makes her want to get out? How does she know how to use a blaster? Where does she get a vend-a-hack? Why is BLI and the dracs after her?
Like I said at the beginning this has the potential to be a really good story. You've got potential as a writer. Keep writing and developing that skill.
-Kat
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Some questions you have are already answered, not in the story but in my head as I was writing it. I guess it doesn't really make sense to post a story when I have all the answer to myself.
If I do plan to post more chapters, I will obviously take your questions into consideration and answer them or make an livejournal post about it. (I need to make more Non-fic journal posts. :) )
Thank you for leaving your support and advice.
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