Enlightened . . .
I experienced what God does every day, maybe even minute or second.
Last night in class church came up. I was all excited because my teacher and
classmates are . . . more wordly than I’ve ever encountered. I told them all
about KCC and what a wonderful, seeker friendly church it is. And then of course
God came up.
They all said they avoid church like the plague and have no use for God. N said
she couldn’t believe in something she couldn’t see.
To which I replied, “Do you believe in wind?”
N, “Of course. I can see it and feel it.”
Me, “Oh, but only by seeing it or feeling it through other means. You can’t hold
onto the wind like I can hold onto your shirt.”
N, “Yeah, well, it’s different.”
But it’s not!! Then we talked briefly about how all Gods are the same (to which
I said it wasn’t true) and I said I’d rather live my life (a good life)
believing in God to find out it’s not true, then live a bad life and realize it
is true and then I can’t go back and change.
N said that she doesn’t believe in God, but if she dies and there happens to be
one and He’s supposed to be loving then He won’t turn anyone away.
I shook my head and said, “No, that’s not true because---“
Then Ms. S jumped and said, “Enough. That’s not an appropriate topic for class.”
No!! I wanted to scream. She couldn’t have cut me off at a worse time. How self
righteous did I sound?
And then the conversation turned to a much more “appropriate” topic. Porn. Porn
movies, numbers, channels and more. Which led to their favorite subject . . .
sex. How is God not appropriate, but sex is? What is the world coming to?
I wanted to sit in a corner and cry. I felt the rejection in my heart and
spirit. If they only knew the treasure they were throwing away. It’s not like
they hadn’t heard the gospel. . .they just flat out rejected it.
I felt useless. As if I’d done something wrong. How can I reach people when I’m
shut down? I’ve never been the greatest evangelist, but this was horrible. I’m
one light and it feels like a weak one most of the time (in class at least). I
know God is bigger than me and can reach them better than I can, but . . .
Now I have to go back to keeping my head down and my mouth shut. . .seeming
like a snot because I won’t participate. . .sigh.
Jesus, how do You do it? How do You still love all of us even when we fail and
when people reject You? I only felt the rejection of four and You feel it of
countless . . .
Last night in class church came up. I was all excited because my teacher and
classmates are . . . more wordly than I’ve ever encountered. I told them all
about KCC and what a wonderful, seeker friendly church it is. And then of course
God came up.
They all said they avoid church like the plague and have no use for God. N said
she couldn’t believe in something she couldn’t see.
To which I replied, “Do you believe in wind?”
N, “Of course. I can see it and feel it.”
Me, “Oh, but only by seeing it or feeling it through other means. You can’t hold
onto the wind like I can hold onto your shirt.”
N, “Yeah, well, it’s different.”
But it’s not!! Then we talked briefly about how all Gods are the same (to which
I said it wasn’t true) and I said I’d rather live my life (a good life)
believing in God to find out it’s not true, then live a bad life and realize it
is true and then I can’t go back and change.
N said that she doesn’t believe in God, but if she dies and there happens to be
one and He’s supposed to be loving then He won’t turn anyone away.
I shook my head and said, “No, that’s not true because---“
Then Ms. S jumped and said, “Enough. That’s not an appropriate topic for class.”
No!! I wanted to scream. She couldn’t have cut me off at a worse time. How self
righteous did I sound?
And then the conversation turned to a much more “appropriate” topic. Porn. Porn
movies, numbers, channels and more. Which led to their favorite subject . . .
sex. How is God not appropriate, but sex is? What is the world coming to?
I wanted to sit in a corner and cry. I felt the rejection in my heart and
spirit. If they only knew the treasure they were throwing away. It’s not like
they hadn’t heard the gospel. . .they just flat out rejected it.
I felt useless. As if I’d done something wrong. How can I reach people when I’m
shut down? I’ve never been the greatest evangelist, but this was horrible. I’m
one light and it feels like a weak one most of the time (in class at least). I
know God is bigger than me and can reach them better than I can, but . . .
Now I have to go back to keeping my head down and my mouth shut. . .seeming
like a snot because I won’t participate. . .sigh.
Jesus, how do You do it? How do You still love all of us even when we fail and
when people reject You? I only felt the rejection of four and You feel it of
countless . . .