trying not to miss you
today was a good day. i am still stressed about school but i have to make myself care and make myself do my stupid projects.
no more school talk.
oooohhh man kitchen door was GOOD today. cute guy! way cute. and he gave us free food! people can be so nice sometime. he just like randomly did it too. so then we started talking to him. john i think? yes.
we were going to go to rowing, but then we started walking down the hill and they were doing land work! so we ran back up and hid behind the tree and i am sure they all saw us but it was funny. and then we ran across the street trying to be sneaky and ran into straight into each other and fell all the way over. i laughed a lot. but at least we didn't have to do yucky wall sits and crunches and what not.
and then we went and set on the bench and i wanted it to rain so bad. and i just looked up into the trees and the sky and it smelled like rain and i just got one of those really weird feelings. i don't even know how to explain it. but it was a good feeling i guess. i just wanted to sit there forever, like i was in my own little place and i did NOT want to go back to reality and school and all that. that makes no sense AT ALL.
i feel really weird having one of these journals. well now that i am on more peoples friends page. like so many people i don't know are judging me and everything. it's kinda creeping me out. and i always feel stupid when i read them afterwards.
i am really bothered latley by people talking bad stuff about other peoples situations when they don't know about it at all. i know everyone talks about other people and everything,but it's just so stupid to leave annoymous comments saying all this bad stuff when really they don't even know anything about that person! like you can know and care about a situation and have your opinion on it, but if you don't have anything to do with it why would you say something? or if you don't know anything about the person and then say a bunch of stuff... everyone has their own situations and feelings and i don't know if this is new to some poeple but EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. and then people go and say a bunch of shit about what's going on in other peoples lives and act like they never do anything or they never have hurt anyone else unintentionally...because everyone has, and everyone does, and you don't even know them or anything about what is going on with them.they have their own stuff going on in their life.
i don't know if that made any sense either i was just writing as i thought.
and on another note...WHY IS HE SUCH AN ASSHOLE? what the fuck?! i just want to scream "fuck you" at him and then send him away on a boat to korea. because he won't get out of my head. and i am sick of him being there! how will i ever move on if he is just THERE all the time. it's driving me freakin insane. and it would help if he weren't being a total and complete jerk. well maybe it wouldn't because i would still be thinking about him, and probably in a happy way which would make me sad bc i miss him more. and it's hard to miss him when he is acting like an ass. hard, not impossible. i just want to scream at him for hours and then i want him to go away for a long time. and when he comes back he will be nice. i want that, and i also want someone there again. it's such a comfort having someone you can call for anything, or that you can say anything to, or that will hug you all the time. and i have always needed someone there that shows how much they care about me. i don't get a whole lotta that from the family... and now that he is gone i don't have any of it. or very much of it. i just want someone there like he was. and i guess he can be there like that in a friend way, but it's not the same...and i wouldn't even mind if he was there like that in a friend way except for he is being the biggest asshole in the world on the earth in the universe. so you don't even read this but FUCK YOU.
no more school talk.
oooohhh man kitchen door was GOOD today. cute guy! way cute. and he gave us free food! people can be so nice sometime. he just like randomly did it too. so then we started talking to him. john i think? yes.
we were going to go to rowing, but then we started walking down the hill and they were doing land work! so we ran back up and hid behind the tree and i am sure they all saw us but it was funny. and then we ran across the street trying to be sneaky and ran into straight into each other and fell all the way over. i laughed a lot. but at least we didn't have to do yucky wall sits and crunches and what not.
and then we went and set on the bench and i wanted it to rain so bad. and i just looked up into the trees and the sky and it smelled like rain and i just got one of those really weird feelings. i don't even know how to explain it. but it was a good feeling i guess. i just wanted to sit there forever, like i was in my own little place and i did NOT want to go back to reality and school and all that. that makes no sense AT ALL.
i feel really weird having one of these journals. well now that i am on more peoples friends page. like so many people i don't know are judging me and everything. it's kinda creeping me out. and i always feel stupid when i read them afterwards.
i am really bothered latley by people talking bad stuff about other peoples situations when they don't know about it at all. i know everyone talks about other people and everything,but it's just so stupid to leave annoymous comments saying all this bad stuff when really they don't even know anything about that person! like you can know and care about a situation and have your opinion on it, but if you don't have anything to do with it why would you say something? or if you don't know anything about the person and then say a bunch of stuff... everyone has their own situations and feelings and i don't know if this is new to some poeple but EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. and then people go and say a bunch of shit about what's going on in other peoples lives and act like they never do anything or they never have hurt anyone else unintentionally...because everyone has, and everyone does, and you don't even know them or anything about what is going on with them.they have their own stuff going on in their life.
i don't know if that made any sense either i was just writing as i thought.
and on another note...WHY IS HE SUCH AN ASSHOLE? what the fuck?! i just want to scream "fuck you" at him and then send him away on a boat to korea. because he won't get out of my head. and i am sick of him being there! how will i ever move on if he is just THERE all the time. it's driving me freakin insane. and it would help if he weren't being a total and complete jerk. well maybe it wouldn't because i would still be thinking about him, and probably in a happy way which would make me sad bc i miss him more. and it's hard to miss him when he is acting like an ass. hard, not impossible. i just want to scream at him for hours and then i want him to go away for a long time. and when he comes back he will be nice. i want that, and i also want someone there again. it's such a comfort having someone you can call for anything, or that you can say anything to, or that will hug you all the time. and i have always needed someone there that shows how much they care about me. i don't get a whole lotta that from the family... and now that he is gone i don't have any of it. or very much of it. i just want someone there like he was. and i guess he can be there like that in a friend way, but it's not the same...and i wouldn't even mind if he was there like that in a friend way except for he is being the biggest asshole in the world on the earth in the universe. so you don't even read this but FUCK YOU.