cheese and rice
wow
11:00 on a saturday night and i'm updating my lj. i am so bored. i hate being grounded. hate it hate it hate it. i could bitch and complain so much about how much i hate everything right now...but i won't.
jenna: "the wedding starts at 7:35"
j's mom: "35...?"
jenna: "uh yeah i know...don't ask me"
7:355555555 hahaha that cracks me up.
why is it that he is the only person i ever feel like calling when i want to talk...? it's so inconvenient because i can't be calling him like that a lot. i just did it last night, for one. i can't do it again right nowwwwww. but i really want to talk to him. why why why why why!?!? i know why. because i miss my best friend.
ok hold on i'm calling him.
ok now i'm crying. bad idea. why do i always end up crying when we get off the phone. god i freaking hate life right now. askljflksdjf. i don't want to even complain because i hate doing that and i will just sound like a stupid complainer bitch who shouldn't even be complaining. it's just that i miss him so much. and that makes everything harder. god damnit why did i call him i must sound so stupid!!! i just can't get it through my head that he doesn't want me back, he doesn't miss me, he doesn't feel that way about me. that's the worst fucking feeling in the entire world. i can't stand it. the feeling of wanting someone so bad and them not wanting you back. especially after i have already had him...and now he doesn't want me anymore. i keep thinking of lying in my bed with you at 3 in the morning...thinking i could never be this happy and wishing that that moment would last forever. i wanted you to always be by my side, i wanted to always be with you. and i hear this is true with all first loves...that you think you will be with them forever. i fell for that one, for sure. i really thought that...i feel stupid now. wow how will i ever love anyone as much as i loved you? could this be any harder? it doesn't seem like it. but we have been broken up for over a month now, and it feels like it's kicking in right about now. right about now i am missing you a whole lot. maybe it's because i am sitting at home with nothing to do but think.
okay well life goes on, i'll move on. it can't be that hard, right? i'm only 16. not that big of a deal...
oh my god get me out of this house. seriously.
you know what always cheers me up? pets. i'm talking about buttercup specifically. she is just here to love me, and lick me, and lie with me. i wish i had chrissy and curly here. whenever i was upset when i was little, they would be what got me through it. that sounds so weird, because they're dogs. but they were the only ones i had then. i wish they were here. but now i have my sister's dog, buttercup. she's still okay...i guess. i want a pet for me though. i should just get one. oh my god i think i really should. i need someone to keep me company while i am locked up in this freakin hell hole.
you know what's sad? how much i'm looking forward to school. that's how bored i am. having somewhere to go, even school, will be great. and seeing all my friends.
i am sick. sick sick sick.
summer will be great. i should stop building it up in my head, because i will just be dissapointed, but i am determined to have the best summer ever. ohhh man oh man how much i am looking forward to barton springs, snow beach, parties, the beach, sleeping late, swimming, getting tan finally. oh how fun it will be. so much stress gone. this year has gone by so fast! does it feel like that to everyone else? i can't even believe we are going to be juniors next year. weird weird weird. but the faster it goes by, the faster i am 18, or moving out, or going to college. so keep on going fast.
it's funny because i hate high school right now and i want to be out, but i know how much i am going to miss it later. i should slow it down and make it great while it's still here, because it really is going to be over before i know it. and then i will miss it a lot. i love all my friends so much right now...i hate to even think about not seeing them for so long when we all go our seperate ways. wow i need to chill out, i still have 2 years. i am crazy, because that depresses me and relieves me at the same time. because i am not ready to go really, but i am. this doesn't make any sense at all i am just so bored and tired and stupid.
OH MY GOD my dad and jennifer are going out of town on WEDNESDAY!!! what a relief...but i probably have to stay with my aunt now that i got in trouble. FUN i promise. i better still be able to fucking go to my concert.well that's not even an option. i'm going.
ok if you are reading this i love you a whole lot, because this is a friends only entry. only because i sound like a stupid complainer crazy woman through out the whole thing. so i love you friends!
11:00 on a saturday night and i'm updating my lj. i am so bored. i hate being grounded. hate it hate it hate it. i could bitch and complain so much about how much i hate everything right now...but i won't.
jenna: "the wedding starts at 7:35"
j's mom: "35...?"
jenna: "uh yeah i know...don't ask me"
7:355555555 hahaha that cracks me up.
why is it that he is the only person i ever feel like calling when i want to talk...? it's so inconvenient because i can't be calling him like that a lot. i just did it last night, for one. i can't do it again right nowwwwww. but i really want to talk to him. why why why why why!?!? i know why. because i miss my best friend.
ok hold on i'm calling him.
ok now i'm crying. bad idea. why do i always end up crying when we get off the phone. god i freaking hate life right now. askljflksdjf. i don't want to even complain because i hate doing that and i will just sound like a stupid complainer bitch who shouldn't even be complaining. it's just that i miss him so much. and that makes everything harder. god damnit why did i call him i must sound so stupid!!! i just can't get it through my head that he doesn't want me back, he doesn't miss me, he doesn't feel that way about me. that's the worst fucking feeling in the entire world. i can't stand it. the feeling of wanting someone so bad and them not wanting you back. especially after i have already had him...and now he doesn't want me anymore. i keep thinking of lying in my bed with you at 3 in the morning...thinking i could never be this happy and wishing that that moment would last forever. i wanted you to always be by my side, i wanted to always be with you. and i hear this is true with all first loves...that you think you will be with them forever. i fell for that one, for sure. i really thought that...i feel stupid now. wow how will i ever love anyone as much as i loved you? could this be any harder? it doesn't seem like it. but we have been broken up for over a month now, and it feels like it's kicking in right about now. right about now i am missing you a whole lot. maybe it's because i am sitting at home with nothing to do but think.
okay well life goes on, i'll move on. it can't be that hard, right? i'm only 16. not that big of a deal...
oh my god get me out of this house. seriously.
you know what always cheers me up? pets. i'm talking about buttercup specifically. she is just here to love me, and lick me, and lie with me. i wish i had chrissy and curly here. whenever i was upset when i was little, they would be what got me through it. that sounds so weird, because they're dogs. but they were the only ones i had then. i wish they were here. but now i have my sister's dog, buttercup. she's still okay...i guess. i want a pet for me though. i should just get one. oh my god i think i really should. i need someone to keep me company while i am locked up in this freakin hell hole.
you know what's sad? how much i'm looking forward to school. that's how bored i am. having somewhere to go, even school, will be great. and seeing all my friends.
i am sick. sick sick sick.
summer will be great. i should stop building it up in my head, because i will just be dissapointed, but i am determined to have the best summer ever. ohhh man oh man how much i am looking forward to barton springs, snow beach, parties, the beach, sleeping late, swimming, getting tan finally. oh how fun it will be. so much stress gone. this year has gone by so fast! does it feel like that to everyone else? i can't even believe we are going to be juniors next year. weird weird weird. but the faster it goes by, the faster i am 18, or moving out, or going to college. so keep on going fast.
it's funny because i hate high school right now and i want to be out, but i know how much i am going to miss it later. i should slow it down and make it great while it's still here, because it really is going to be over before i know it. and then i will miss it a lot. i love all my friends so much right now...i hate to even think about not seeing them for so long when we all go our seperate ways. wow i need to chill out, i still have 2 years. i am crazy, because that depresses me and relieves me at the same time. because i am not ready to go really, but i am. this doesn't make any sense at all i am just so bored and tired and stupid.
OH MY GOD my dad and jennifer are going out of town on WEDNESDAY!!! what a relief...but i probably have to stay with my aunt now that i got in trouble. FUN i promise. i better still be able to fucking go to my concert.well that's not even an option. i'm going.
ok if you are reading this i love you a whole lot, because this is a friends only entry. only because i sound like a stupid complainer crazy woman through out the whole thing. so i love you friends!