Lil' bit of this, lil' bit of that
I went out last night. Marie had her birthday last week, so yesterday she invited some people over for cake and asked me to come. As usual I felt hesitant but decided to put my angst aside and go. Besides me there were five other girls from the class and they seemed to be happy to have me there too, Lovisa even said it to my face when she arrived (they met up with Marie and Helena in the doorway, who were out for a smoke) that she got happy when Marie said I was there. :-) I've laid that rejected feeling behind me some time ago, that feeling I always used to carry around with me that no one really liked me nor wanted me around, but it still feels strange to have people invite me to parties and movies and telling me that they appreciate my company. Where did that come from? Thing is, many of these people, mostly girls (since we are mostly girls in my class (?)), we don't really talk one on one, and some of them I haven't worked with in projects either, so I wonder what kind of impression they have of me. Hmm... Ah well, never mind. I had a good time anyway. Once again, I'd bought a German wine. So no surprise there... It was nice to be with people who're crazy too and who like the same kind of music as I . :-D We went out later, to a club I think none of us really like, but it was free (before 23:00) so that was appealing. And a guy from class was suppose to be DJ'ing too, I haven't heard him, but we missed him, since he was on before we arrived (which is strange, since there could hardly have been any people there then...). Too bad, but another time. And it turns out Lovisa hates dancing too, not even to music she likes, nor "ugly dancing" to crappy music. She did dance though, after a while. But they were ugly dancing to the music and it was hilarious to watch. Especially when compared to the skanky girls there who were very serious about their "dancing", haha. Helena bought her and me a shot of tequila. Tasty. :-) I told her I'll buy her a drink sometime. Like in August. When our studies aid is a little higher. :-P You see, I never drink when I'm out, as it's waaaaaay to expensive, it's ridiculously overpriced. We went home soon after that, her and me, as we were both exhausted, and it was only 1 o'clock. :-S I walked home. Helena didn't want me to, but I really didn't have any money for a taxi, so. She called me on my way home, though, and once I was home I texted her to say I was safe. It's not that I worry too much, but still. Things happen. :-/
I'm so low on cash it's not even funny. And I'm sooo darn tired too, even though I've been getting more sleep more regular than usual lately. It was almost a little scary as I was walking home last night, I was so tired I felt like I could pass out standing up, and I can't remember the last time I felt like that. And I'm tired all the time. I don't know if it's a combination of daylight saving, setting the clock ahead one hour, combined with having a period=losing iron, plus the usual amount of stress, but still. And my damn doctor's appointment got postponed two weeks again 'cause the doctor is sick, argh! >_< I know depression can make you more tired than usual, but I can't remember that I was this tired even when my major depression occurred. Maybe I was and have forgotten about it. I think I was taking extra iron back then, though. I can't remember how much they cost, but they can't be too expensive, right? I'm thinking about taking some vitamins, like B12 and iron, or a combined pill with several B-vitamins and C and A and stuff, you know. Don't know whether to wait 'till after I've had my check up, as I'm sure they'll run some blood tests, if they put me on a SSRI. I'm thinking about what else can cause tiredness, but low amount of iron is the only thing that comes to mind. Maybe it's TMI for you, but I bleed pretty heavily during my period (even though I take a medication for that too, to lessen the bleeding, thank GOD for those!) so it sounds likely. I don't know. *shrugs* I'm not more pale than usual, but then again, I'm always extremely white... X-D I'm pretty dark around the eyes too, so much that it has to show to others, even though I do sleep more. Not enough, but more. :-/ Maybe it's my diet? When I was drinking protein drinks as my major intake of energy, the amount of calories was low, but I got the RDA of vitamins and protein and so forth (if the product is to be trusted...). Now I drink not more than one or two a day, but I eat food instead, of course, proteins and veggies. Even fresh pasta, so it's not like I'm excluding carbohydrates. So maybe it's a vitamin/diet thing. Maybe it's just chemicals in my brain, for whatever reason you get tired from depression, I don't know why. Or quite simply, I could use more sleep. But I don't have time for sleep. On the other hand, I don't have time to not sleep either. :-/ I'll get back on that...
Yes, I should be in bed right now, but... I was in bed at around 2 last night, and I slept for nearly 12 hours. Well, I'd set the alarm, but after having snoozed a few times I turned it off and continued sleeping. When I woke next I stayed in bed for, I don't know, 30-60 minutes, can't remember. So even though it's quite late, I haven't been up that long. I did laundry today. I have to throw away my wok! *cries* The layering in it has worn off, so when I washed it today it just scaled away completely, so now I really can't can't use it anymore. :-( For a short second I thought about metal poisoning being the cause for my tiredness, but I can't imagine that being the case, it's just my silly imagination. Anyway, I tried to fill in an application for living aid (don't know the correct term, an aid to help pay the rent) which I'm sure I'll get, but I have to send a copy of my contract with it, and I can't remember where it is! So I'm trying to find it in my closet amongst hundreds of papers. I have to go trough them properly tomorrow. And I'm having angst about a group assignment for school we did very badly, and we're gonna show it on Monday and we don't have an excuse for doing such poor research. So I'm thinking about making a drawing for Monday to illustrate our idea, although we agreed to not do anything.
I watched the second episode of Messiah. It's quite good, chilling without being speculative. I love it when the pretty, timid guys turn out to be the psycho killer. But it was too bad, since I liked his character a lot, that he won't be in the following episodes. Darn. But I'm not sure how many of the characters will return in latter episodes at all, so. Still. So, after that I watched CSI:Miami, which still kinda suck, if it weren't for the lovely Ryan Wolfe, portrayed by Jonathan Togo. Wolfe is actually the only character I like. And it struck me tonight that he has very long lashes, so after having watched an episode of Law and Order: SVU, I did a little search for some Ryan Wolfe slash. I haven't read any slash in a long time, but I was in the mood tonight. So I thought of a pairing I'd like, considering I despise all the other characters on CSI:Miami, and Greg Sanders from the original series came to mind. :-D And the gods of homo erotica was on my side this evening, 'cause first thing I stumbled across was a lovely story called A new beginning featuring those two. :-) Unfortunately it's not finished yet, but it's worth reading this far. Smut can be nice sometimes, but I generally like my stories nice and slow. Doesn't seem to be much Ryan/Greg slash out there, though. :-/ (If you stumble across some, send it this way, please.)
So, now I'm really exhausted, I feel dizzy, so I guess it's more than time for me to hit the sack. G'night!
I'm so low on cash it's not even funny. And I'm sooo darn tired too, even though I've been getting more sleep more regular than usual lately. It was almost a little scary as I was walking home last night, I was so tired I felt like I could pass out standing up, and I can't remember the last time I felt like that. And I'm tired all the time. I don't know if it's a combination of daylight saving, setting the clock ahead one hour, combined with having a period=losing iron, plus the usual amount of stress, but still. And my damn doctor's appointment got postponed two weeks again 'cause the doctor is sick, argh! >_< I know depression can make you more tired than usual, but I can't remember that I was this tired even when my major depression occurred. Maybe I was and have forgotten about it. I think I was taking extra iron back then, though. I can't remember how much they cost, but they can't be too expensive, right? I'm thinking about taking some vitamins, like B12 and iron, or a combined pill with several B-vitamins and C and A and stuff, you know. Don't know whether to wait 'till after I've had my check up, as I'm sure they'll run some blood tests, if they put me on a SSRI. I'm thinking about what else can cause tiredness, but low amount of iron is the only thing that comes to mind. Maybe it's TMI for you, but I bleed pretty heavily during my period (even though I take a medication for that too, to lessen the bleeding, thank GOD for those!) so it sounds likely. I don't know. *shrugs* I'm not more pale than usual, but then again, I'm always extremely white... X-D I'm pretty dark around the eyes too, so much that it has to show to others, even though I do sleep more. Not enough, but more. :-/ Maybe it's my diet? When I was drinking protein drinks as my major intake of energy, the amount of calories was low, but I got the RDA of vitamins and protein and so forth (if the product is to be trusted...). Now I drink not more than one or two a day, but I eat food instead, of course, proteins and veggies. Even fresh pasta, so it's not like I'm excluding carbohydrates. So maybe it's a vitamin/diet thing. Maybe it's just chemicals in my brain, for whatever reason you get tired from depression, I don't know why. Or quite simply, I could use more sleep. But I don't have time for sleep. On the other hand, I don't have time to not sleep either. :-/ I'll get back on that...
Yes, I should be in bed right now, but... I was in bed at around 2 last night, and I slept for nearly 12 hours. Well, I'd set the alarm, but after having snoozed a few times I turned it off and continued sleeping. When I woke next I stayed in bed for, I don't know, 30-60 minutes, can't remember. So even though it's quite late, I haven't been up that long. I did laundry today. I have to throw away my wok! *cries* The layering in it has worn off, so when I washed it today it just scaled away completely, so now I really can't can't use it anymore. :-( For a short second I thought about metal poisoning being the cause for my tiredness, but I can't imagine that being the case, it's just my silly imagination. Anyway, I tried to fill in an application for living aid (don't know the correct term, an aid to help pay the rent) which I'm sure I'll get, but I have to send a copy of my contract with it, and I can't remember where it is! So I'm trying to find it in my closet amongst hundreds of papers. I have to go trough them properly tomorrow. And I'm having angst about a group assignment for school we did very badly, and we're gonna show it on Monday and we don't have an excuse for doing such poor research. So I'm thinking about making a drawing for Monday to illustrate our idea, although we agreed to not do anything.
I watched the second episode of Messiah. It's quite good, chilling without being speculative. I love it when the pretty, timid guys turn out to be the psycho killer. But it was too bad, since I liked his character a lot, that he won't be in the following episodes. Darn. But I'm not sure how many of the characters will return in latter episodes at all, so. Still. So, after that I watched CSI:Miami, which still kinda suck, if it weren't for the lovely Ryan Wolfe, portrayed by Jonathan Togo. Wolfe is actually the only character I like. And it struck me tonight that he has very long lashes, so after having watched an episode of Law and Order: SVU, I did a little search for some Ryan Wolfe slash. I haven't read any slash in a long time, but I was in the mood tonight. So I thought of a pairing I'd like, considering I despise all the other characters on CSI:Miami, and Greg Sanders from the original series came to mind. :-D And the gods of homo erotica was on my side this evening, 'cause first thing I stumbled across was a lovely story called A new beginning featuring those two. :-) Unfortunately it's not finished yet, but it's worth reading this far. Smut can be nice sometimes, but I generally like my stories nice and slow. Doesn't seem to be much Ryan/Greg slash out there, though. :-/ (If you stumble across some, send it this way, please.)
So, now I'm really exhausted, I feel dizzy, so I guess it's more than time for me to hit the sack. G'night!