WTF, Sir Paul? (Or, Why John Is My Favorite Beatle, and, By the Way, I Hate Starbucks)
On 21 March 2007, McCartney left EMI to become the first artist signed to Starbucks's new record label, Los Angeles-based Hear Music, to be distributed by Concord Music Group. He made an appearance via a video-feed from London at the company's annual meeting.
OK. I'll admit that, once upon a time (fourteen years ago, to be exact), I touted myself as the biggest Beatles fan ever. However ... even then, I cared little for the current comings and goings of the remaining Beatles, as my favorite was already dead. It's really no surprise that I haven't kept up on any Beatles-related newsbits in the intervening years, except that George died and Paul divorced that gold-digging cuntface. (And I can't be arsed to give a shit about Ringo. Sorry, dude. You just never brought anything to the table.)
So, imagine my horror upon discovery of:
1) Paul selling out yet again. (Really, man? You can only sell out so many times before you own the fuckin' place. Start your own goddamn label--it's not like you haven't done it before.)
2) Starbucks Coffee having its own music label.
This is horrific news, even if it's a year and half old. Lest I present it as "news," and not a disgusting decision Paul made under his own recognizance, be assured I only accept the latter as a valid interpretation. Beyond giving a nod to his genius when paired with John, I've never much liked him. Fuck this shit about Yoko breaking up the band. She might have been a no-musical-talent ass clown, but it was Paul trying to transfer legal management of the band to his father-in-law's law firm, as well as the larger cut of the band's income he was trying to take for himself, that really did the Beatles in.
(To continue with the tangential babble, I'm willing to admit that the breakup was inevitable and necessary. They all wanted to do different things; in most cases, they pursued those things while maintaining the image that they were still a band. The demise of the Beatles was far from ridiculous--no farcically premeditated farewell album, no farewell world tour ... However, if they had tried their damnedest to keep it up, they would have crashed and burned. Collectively, they went out in an eternal flame of glory.)
So, now on to bitching about Starbucks. Though I once proclaimed that "nary a drop of their evil liquid has crossed my lips," I had a moment of weakness about ten months ago. What I can tell you is that I did not pay for that moment of weakness--as a favor to me, someone else went to get coffee and returned with Satan's steaming, black, watery seed. Oh, digressing again. Anyway, I'm about 1/4 guilty.
On a less personal level, they represent all that is awful and bad with capitalism. They glut local markets with their shit-in-a-paper-cup omnipotence, then "downsize" after they've managed to push every other contender out of business. Fair trade, you say? Bullshit. A mere SIX percent of their beans can be considered such.
A quick Google search for Starbucks fair trade returns a website concerned with "campaigning" the corporation to adopt full fair trade policies. WOW. They're purveyors of coffee and brainwashing. Instead of advocating a boycott that could, conceivably, put Starbucks out of business, these devotees think they'll just beg for a more socially responsible agenda as they suck down their venti-sized iced half-caf soy Americanos through green straws. Yay, internet activism! (At least the members of Anonymous get out on the street in V masks and fro wigs to protest detestable things.)
I realize I have lost sight of one-half my original gripe, which was that Starbucks has its own music label, aptly (and stupidly) titled Hear Music. What, did "Feel Music," "See Music," "Smell Music," or "Taste Music" sound too ridiculous? Not enough pretense? Didn't want to offend those with synesthesia? Would any other sense-related verb, in conjunction with "music," have presumed a certain degree of intelligent abstraction that most of your customers do not possess?
Fuck you, Paul McCartney. I might side with you on the Heather Mills divorce settlement debacle, but you're still a hypocritical douchebag. Oh, those poor animals! How about those poor people who toil in the fucking coffee fields? I don't wish to imply that we should care less about one or the other (though some animals are fucking delicious, I'm sure some people are, too), but your support-by-association of such a heinous corporation is reprehensible. I never thought I'd reach the point of speaking ill of a former Beatle. You win!
At least John had Working Class Hero. Funny, that--wasn't your family once considered working class, so much that John's family thought yours might be a "bad" influence on him?
OK. I'll admit that, once upon a time (fourteen years ago, to be exact), I touted myself as the biggest Beatles fan ever. However ... even then, I cared little for the current comings and goings of the remaining Beatles, as my favorite was already dead. It's really no surprise that I haven't kept up on any Beatles-related newsbits in the intervening years, except that George died and Paul divorced that gold-digging cuntface. (And I can't be arsed to give a shit about Ringo. Sorry, dude. You just never brought anything to the table.)
So, imagine my horror upon discovery of:
1) Paul selling out yet again. (Really, man? You can only sell out so many times before you own the fuckin' place. Start your own goddamn label--it's not like you haven't done it before.)
2) Starbucks Coffee having its own music label.
This is horrific news, even if it's a year and half old. Lest I present it as "news," and not a disgusting decision Paul made under his own recognizance, be assured I only accept the latter as a valid interpretation. Beyond giving a nod to his genius when paired with John, I've never much liked him. Fuck this shit about Yoko breaking up the band. She might have been a no-musical-talent ass clown, but it was Paul trying to transfer legal management of the band to his father-in-law's law firm, as well as the larger cut of the band's income he was trying to take for himself, that really did the Beatles in.
(To continue with the tangential babble, I'm willing to admit that the breakup was inevitable and necessary. They all wanted to do different things; in most cases, they pursued those things while maintaining the image that they were still a band. The demise of the Beatles was far from ridiculous--no farcically premeditated farewell album, no farewell world tour ... However, if they had tried their damnedest to keep it up, they would have crashed and burned. Collectively, they went out in an eternal flame of glory.)
So, now on to bitching about Starbucks. Though I once proclaimed that "nary a drop of their evil liquid has crossed my lips," I had a moment of weakness about ten months ago. What I can tell you is that I did not pay for that moment of weakness--as a favor to me, someone else went to get coffee and returned with Satan's steaming, black, watery seed. Oh, digressing again. Anyway, I'm about 1/4 guilty.
On a less personal level, they represent all that is awful and bad with capitalism. They glut local markets with their shit-in-a-paper-cup omnipotence, then "downsize" after they've managed to push every other contender out of business. Fair trade, you say? Bullshit. A mere SIX percent of their beans can be considered such.
A quick Google search for Starbucks fair trade returns a website concerned with "campaigning" the corporation to adopt full fair trade policies. WOW. They're purveyors of coffee and brainwashing. Instead of advocating a boycott that could, conceivably, put Starbucks out of business, these devotees think they'll just beg for a more socially responsible agenda as they suck down their venti-sized iced half-caf soy Americanos through green straws. Yay, internet activism! (At least the members of Anonymous get out on the street in V masks and fro wigs to protest detestable things.)
I realize I have lost sight of one-half my original gripe, which was that Starbucks has its own music label, aptly (and stupidly) titled Hear Music. What, did "Feel Music," "See Music," "Smell Music," or "Taste Music" sound too ridiculous? Not enough pretense? Didn't want to offend those with synesthesia? Would any other sense-related verb, in conjunction with "music," have presumed a certain degree of intelligent abstraction that most of your customers do not possess?
Fuck you, Paul McCartney. I might side with you on the Heather Mills divorce settlement debacle, but you're still a hypocritical douchebag. Oh, those poor animals! How about those poor people who toil in the fucking coffee fields? I don't wish to imply that we should care less about one or the other (though some animals are fucking delicious, I'm sure some people are, too), but your support-by-association of such a heinous corporation is reprehensible. I never thought I'd reach the point of speaking ill of a former Beatle. You win!
At least John had Working Class Hero. Funny, that--wasn't your family once considered working class, so much that John's family thought yours might be a "bad" influence on him?