(no subject)
Yeah so last night I cut and threatened to committ suicide.
I was fucking insane. When i get angry at myself the level of being angry goes higher and higher until it is forcefully stopped. Thus the cutting and threats. But Angela called the police on me because i was self mutilating myself and making suicidal threats. The police department called my house a little later and told my mom and dad they it was mandatory to come here and check out the situation. So the police came in 3 police cars. A few minutes later and ambulance and a paramedic unit came down the court. They searched my room for asa basic procedure while the paramedics looked at my arm and chest. I punctured the skin with the scissor on my left forearm and my chest right where my heart is located. After this, the police spoke to my parents privately and from the suicidal threats and the self mutilation it was a must to transport me under supervision to Kennedy Medical Center. Office Blah took me in the back of his car. He was a very nice cop, we talked about nice things. When we go to the emergency room, I went in and they treated my chest with special ointment that makes a new skin layer leaving no scars. The ointment will serve as a thin layer of skin but as the cuts underneath heal the ointment will serve as the skin that you normally have.
After checking me out and putting special ointment on my chest I had to change my clothes, from my clothes to scrubs. They are so fucking cold. We sat in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to take me over to the SKIP crisis unit. We waited for about two hours. After about an hour of waiting my brother came up the hospital to visit me. He brought a sweatshirt and a Slurpee from 711 for me. Aw, hes so nice. He left when I got transported to the crisis unit.
When I went to the SKIP unit, they placed me in a room consisting of a chair and a bed. I was told to stay there until I was received with attention from a SKIP person. I was sitting there, on the bed, staring at the wall, thinking, crying for about an hour before someone came into see me. The guy came into see me and he basically interviewed me whether or not I need special attention to stay there as an IN-patient or OUT-patient with help from other specialists. After my interview he went to talk to the doctor and my parents about the situation. From the results, I was an OUT-patient. At around 3:30AM Thursday morning, they discharged me. I got my clothing back and i was able to leave for the night.
I got home at around 4:00 ish. I slept for about an hour when I got home then we up for most of the morning. Lying in my bed gripping onto Spiko. Thinking and crying. I got up a few hours later and went into the TV room to watch TV and cry a little bit more. My borther woke up and went to get me another slurpee from 711. He was so nice. I didnt go to school today. And I have the option from my parents if I wanna go tomorrow or not. I think Im going to.
I never wanted anything like this to ever happen. I need anger management really badly. Maybe if I didn't screw up all the time then nothing like this would be happening. I wouldnt be getting all pissed at myself for doing everything wrong. Im really sorry for doing this. I promise it'll never happen. Im getting the help I need to get better. I will feel better, it will take some time but I will feel better.
Erica I love you so much and I always will. And i dont want you to ever forget how much you mean to me. <3