looking in the wrong places
I get so emotionally invested in things where I am irrelevant and invisible.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been as emotionally invested in something going on in my own life as I get with fandoms.
I’ve tried making fandoms into my life, but that has never really worked. I am always on the outside, trying to be somewhere where there is no need for me to be.
I guess the alternative is to organically live life in a way that isn’t oriented around fandoms? So that I can emotionally engage with real things where I might have an actual role to play?
“Be yourself” and “follow your heart” has always led me to fandoms, though. Is that wrong?
I find it hard to believe I will somehow find an engaging life by forcing myself to do stuff I don’t want to do, because I’d rather be at home reading Loki fanfic or staring at Sleep No More actors from a balcony.
I should try doing something creative and social. Where there are straight men around. But what?
Originally published at rusty-halo.com. Please comment there or at Dreamwidth.