mrow?
My therapist says I'm depressed because I don't feel like doing anything, don't have much energy, and am sleeping more than usual. And I haven't even told her about the completely insane dreams... I'm not sure if I can explain this, but while I've actually been crying off and on, sparked off by the oddest things, and getting my feelings hurt by Brandon relatively easily, I still don't really feel depressed. I feel a not-self-induced numbness, and she says that's a clear indication of depression... You know, this crap really sucks... I've somehow managed to drop all my suicidal ideation, I'm engaging in mindfulness on a daily basis, and I'm trying to apply the skills they're teaching me (of course, I'm not very good at that yet) and I'm still getting depressed? Over what? For what purpose? I am sick of my self getting in the way of my life.
So, I thought I would attempt to put together a definition of mindfulness for people, because most don't know what it is, other than a term Nix has been throwing around all the time. I think I'll put that in a seperate post though, cuz I don't know how long it will end up being and it's probably going to be confusing enough as it is. I'm also gonna start up my receipt voyeur community again. How exciting! lol
Our housing program changed their policy on us rather abruptly. They now require that everyone not in school full time, not working, and not on disability volunteers 8 hours a month. Or else we're evicted. They seem to be loving that particular threat lately. They won't give us any suggestions on where we can volunteer or anything, yet we have to get the place we pick approved by them. So, I brought it up to my therapist, and while we agree I'm not ready for a job, she doesn't want to put me on disability either. However, after all this crap, she's mighty angry with the housing program and wrote them a letter asking them to call her and limiting the type of volunteer work they can require me to do for now. What sucks is I was already getting ready to start volunteering before this requirement came up and now that it has, I'm dreading it because if I make one single little mistake, I'm going to lose my house over it.
You know what else sucks? I really like some of the people in my DBT Class and I'm not allowed to be friends with them until we've both graduated and it's a 26 week long program (and many people have had to take it more than once). They're some really great people, i.e. fellow book addicts, philosophers, people with alternative belief systems, parents who actually try to be good at it. We're not supposed to talk about personal situations in there but they let us do it anyway and.... god... I've never been put in a situation where I'm not "allowed" to help someone by talking with them or anything like that. Plus, none of them have connected with me that much because I'm so quiet. They're starting to because I empathize with what they have to say and have thrown out a few respectable book suggestions in front of the bookaholics to a girl doing a Humanities thesis, but I'm too nervous to really get into any personal stories or anything like they do. Besides, I don't know what I would say. They are all either much older than me or parents. I guess I feel out of my league. I feel less experienced than them.
So, I thought I would attempt to put together a definition of mindfulness for people, because most don't know what it is, other than a term Nix has been throwing around all the time. I think I'll put that in a seperate post though, cuz I don't know how long it will end up being and it's probably going to be confusing enough as it is. I'm also gonna start up my receipt voyeur community again. How exciting! lol
Our housing program changed their policy on us rather abruptly. They now require that everyone not in school full time, not working, and not on disability volunteers 8 hours a month. Or else we're evicted. They seem to be loving that particular threat lately. They won't give us any suggestions on where we can volunteer or anything, yet we have to get the place we pick approved by them. So, I brought it up to my therapist, and while we agree I'm not ready for a job, she doesn't want to put me on disability either. However, after all this crap, she's mighty angry with the housing program and wrote them a letter asking them to call her and limiting the type of volunteer work they can require me to do for now. What sucks is I was already getting ready to start volunteering before this requirement came up and now that it has, I'm dreading it because if I make one single little mistake, I'm going to lose my house over it.
You know what else sucks? I really like some of the people in my DBT Class and I'm not allowed to be friends with them until we've both graduated and it's a 26 week long program (and many people have had to take it more than once). They're some really great people, i.e. fellow book addicts, philosophers, people with alternative belief systems, parents who actually try to be good at it. We're not supposed to talk about personal situations in there but they let us do it anyway and.... god... I've never been put in a situation where I'm not "allowed" to help someone by talking with them or anything like that. Plus, none of them have connected with me that much because I'm so quiet. They're starting to because I empathize with what they have to say and have thrown out a few respectable book suggestions in front of the bookaholics to a girl doing a Humanities thesis, but I'm too nervous to really get into any personal stories or anything like they do. Besides, I don't know what I would say. They are all either much older than me or parents. I guess I feel out of my league. I feel less experienced than them.