an experiment pt2
Well...
for some reason i have an urge to write about my life in the most boring fashion, on a blog. What i want is to write about all the shit that i dont want to waste pages of my journal on, to not have in a physical way. I want to pour all my shit into the internet and not have it anywhere near me because it is useless to me. I think a better way of doing this would be to write it on pieces of paper and burn it in a big pile. But i had this idea first, so i'll try it first.
The only thing unfortunate about this is that im in the hallway.
first:
my roomates suck. well only 2 of them.alex and erin. I guess i knew that they sucked before they moved in but for some reason i convinced myself that i was wrong and that i need to be more accepting of people, but in the end all my fears came true.
and now we dont speak to each other. Its really unfortunate, not in any way how i like to deal with my problems. I like to talk about them, have conversations , make breakthroughs, try to understand each others perspective. But what do i do when the others would never want to do that? I tried talking to them, but all it did was make them think i was mean when i was honest. And not give back anything...so we cannot connect, push through the inevitable difficulties of co-habitation. And my only other option is their way: passive aggressiveness and fake pleasantries.
Im getting better at not letting them get to me, at understanding that this is just and endgame. Nothing i can do to make it better...just wait it out and hope for something good to come next.
i know a 15 year old who is twice as mature as these 30 year olds. Does that make her 4 times mature?
second:
i got real sick, then my rat got real sick. She had a stroke. And as soon as it happened, i got better. It was odd; my body knowing like that. I could not be sick anymore, soit stopped for me. I thought she was gonna die. The vet was holding off on giving me medication because it was expensive and she didnt think Acorn was gonna live. I wasnt going to kill her in a hospital so i spent a day trying to figure out how to kill her in a way we could both handle. I settled on allie's kitty tranquilizers. send her into a slow sleep...forever.
But slowely she got better. I fed her oatmeal mush and avacado banana mush and cashew butter mush on her protruding tounge. She couldnt open her mouth for a few days. Just lick the mush and swallow with her head hung down. She couldnt walk or control her head or anything really. She wouldnt clean herself and some days she wouldnt eat or drink water. And i cried and cried...please drink baby.please just drink some water.. i know you wanna get better...oh acorn...please....please.
and now. she walks like them all she eats on her own. she climbs walls and is fine. And i am thankful for someone i care about almost dying and then living. How sweet that feels. I am thankful for her health and my own.
-----------------------------------------------------------
mugwort
green
warm sun and cold sun
bike rides
people whom i love
tattooing
the harp
secret 2 am talks
for some reason i have an urge to write about my life in the most boring fashion, on a blog. What i want is to write about all the shit that i dont want to waste pages of my journal on, to not have in a physical way. I want to pour all my shit into the internet and not have it anywhere near me because it is useless to me. I think a better way of doing this would be to write it on pieces of paper and burn it in a big pile. But i had this idea first, so i'll try it first.
The only thing unfortunate about this is that im in the hallway.
first:
my roomates suck. well only 2 of them.alex and erin. I guess i knew that they sucked before they moved in but for some reason i convinced myself that i was wrong and that i need to be more accepting of people, but in the end all my fears came true.
and now we dont speak to each other. Its really unfortunate, not in any way how i like to deal with my problems. I like to talk about them, have conversations , make breakthroughs, try to understand each others perspective. But what do i do when the others would never want to do that? I tried talking to them, but all it did was make them think i was mean when i was honest. And not give back anything...so we cannot connect, push through the inevitable difficulties of co-habitation. And my only other option is their way: passive aggressiveness and fake pleasantries.
Im getting better at not letting them get to me, at understanding that this is just and endgame. Nothing i can do to make it better...just wait it out and hope for something good to come next.
i know a 15 year old who is twice as mature as these 30 year olds. Does that make her 4 times mature?
second:
i got real sick, then my rat got real sick. She had a stroke. And as soon as it happened, i got better. It was odd; my body knowing like that. I could not be sick anymore, soit stopped for me. I thought she was gonna die. The vet was holding off on giving me medication because it was expensive and she didnt think Acorn was gonna live. I wasnt going to kill her in a hospital so i spent a day trying to figure out how to kill her in a way we could both handle. I settled on allie's kitty tranquilizers. send her into a slow sleep...forever.
But slowely she got better. I fed her oatmeal mush and avacado banana mush and cashew butter mush on her protruding tounge. She couldnt open her mouth for a few days. Just lick the mush and swallow with her head hung down. She couldnt walk or control her head or anything really. She wouldnt clean herself and some days she wouldnt eat or drink water. And i cried and cried...please drink baby.please just drink some water.. i know you wanna get better...oh acorn...please....please.
and now. she walks like them all she eats on her own. she climbs walls and is fine. And i am thankful for someone i care about almost dying and then living. How sweet that feels. I am thankful for her health and my own.
-----------------------------------------------------------
mugwort
green
warm sun and cold sun
bike rides
people whom i love
tattooing
the harp
secret 2 am talks