Petty Things and Incandescent Sadism.
Ladies and gentlemen boys and girls children of all ages, Steven and Hatred Incorporated proudly present unto thee... the workings of my snazzy dazzy superman times two, warped little mind. Haha, how are all my adoring fans today? Good I hope. Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't really care. Other than for a few of you, and Bridey if you ever read this, you're not one of the few. HAHA. Yes, I know, it's sad when you laugh at your own sense of humor, but honestly I am the funniest person I know. Isn't that sad? Not really, it just means most people I know aren't really all that funny, but gee golly, isn't that such the shocker of the decade.
Leilani inquired me as to the status of my job hunt, so I decided I should post that in here. So far there is no status due to the fact that I haven't actually started hunting down any jobs, but don't worry, I'm about to. Once I run out of money I'll definitely need so do something. My friend Michelle offered me the chance to get on at her workplace, but I smoked pot about two weeks ago and they do drug test for the temp agency so I'm not quite positive that I'm going to get real far with that. I did steal some AZO's to clean my system out though, so within a few days I'll manage to get that problem taken care of.
Oh the wonders of cocaine. If I were still strictly coke addict I'd be clean already, but alas. I do not partake in that little jaunt within my life anymore. It's intriguing to think about the way I was. I'm not all too sure what I am currently is better than a drug addict, but I'm better at being me. Which is something of a terrible thought if one dares try to ponder on it too heavily. So don't try, I assure you, it won't be amusing. I'm sure though once I get a job that I manage to run through sober, I'll be blissful. Then comes my own computer, and then I'm sure most of my current depravities will drop off. What's so scary to think about is the fact that when I was young, before the computer, before the drugs, I'd do horrid little things. I'd vandalize and kill whatever I could, drink the blood of anything or anyone that I could. I was quite the demon, then when I got a computer it kepts my attention. I could always find out information, I could always find something to capitvate my interest, and now today I realize that's all it comes down to. I must have stimulation. I must have my fun. When I found the internet oh how my vocabulary had exploded. I learned as many words as I could cram in my head, news information, the genetic properties of rabies. I had rabies twenty nine times throughout the course of my life but I never understood what it was fully until I got the computer, and the internet. This internet Hell saved me from possibly killing someone. I moved out on my own didn't get a computer and ended up in jail for assault. Drugs managed to be my fun for eight years of my life, so they tamed me as well. They amused me long enough to keep me from slaughtering the animals, stealing the street signs, shoplifting anything I could, robbing the houses mugging the people, blah blah blah. Then of course addiction sets in and I manage to start the stealing again. The problem with me is I'm good at whatever it is I decide to do. When I decide to do drugs, I'm good at doing them. When I decide to steal money for the party life. I'm so good at it I'm never caught. I've only been caught once in my life for theft, and that was when I was barely getting into the art of it. I was only caught once for being under the influence, they got me for P.I. but I was on so much more, and had so many drugs on me when they stopped us it's amazing that they only managed sticking me with a P.I. The internet is my sanctuary, it's what keeps me a relative person. It doesn't manage to make me too much of a person. I realize that I will be a cynic with a depraved sense of humor and little regard to the human plight and emotion for all of my natural life. However, with the internet, it takes my edge off. I can't be a total demon in both reality and in cyber space, but I have now discovered that if I only take part in one of the aspects at any given time. I am more than capable of being the demon that everyone loves to think I am. I realize I have rambled, and probably not made too much sense, but I've wanted to get this out for awhile.
I would also like to apologize for one thing. Not for hurting anyone's feelings, not for being me, not for anything anyone would like me to apologize for. The thing I do apologize for is being the addict. Letting the drugs get ahold of me the way they did. I have never been used abused or raped by any living thing, but I have been done by all those things with the wonders of narcotics. So yes, I do apologize. It won't happen again. It had to happen once. It was the only way I'd ever get over it, but now that I realize what I became I can only now make the vow for it to not happen again.
Now this was a proper rant on my part. I feel proud of this. Haha.
Adieu.
Leilani inquired me as to the status of my job hunt, so I decided I should post that in here. So far there is no status due to the fact that I haven't actually started hunting down any jobs, but don't worry, I'm about to. Once I run out of money I'll definitely need so do something. My friend Michelle offered me the chance to get on at her workplace, but I smoked pot about two weeks ago and they do drug test for the temp agency so I'm not quite positive that I'm going to get real far with that. I did steal some AZO's to clean my system out though, so within a few days I'll manage to get that problem taken care of.
Oh the wonders of cocaine. If I were still strictly coke addict I'd be clean already, but alas. I do not partake in that little jaunt within my life anymore. It's intriguing to think about the way I was. I'm not all too sure what I am currently is better than a drug addict, but I'm better at being me. Which is something of a terrible thought if one dares try to ponder on it too heavily. So don't try, I assure you, it won't be amusing. I'm sure though once I get a job that I manage to run through sober, I'll be blissful. Then comes my own computer, and then I'm sure most of my current depravities will drop off. What's so scary to think about is the fact that when I was young, before the computer, before the drugs, I'd do horrid little things. I'd vandalize and kill whatever I could, drink the blood of anything or anyone that I could. I was quite the demon, then when I got a computer it kepts my attention. I could always find out information, I could always find something to capitvate my interest, and now today I realize that's all it comes down to. I must have stimulation. I must have my fun. When I found the internet oh how my vocabulary had exploded. I learned as many words as I could cram in my head, news information, the genetic properties of rabies. I had rabies twenty nine times throughout the course of my life but I never understood what it was fully until I got the computer, and the internet. This internet Hell saved me from possibly killing someone. I moved out on my own didn't get a computer and ended up in jail for assault. Drugs managed to be my fun for eight years of my life, so they tamed me as well. They amused me long enough to keep me from slaughtering the animals, stealing the street signs, shoplifting anything I could, robbing the houses mugging the people, blah blah blah. Then of course addiction sets in and I manage to start the stealing again. The problem with me is I'm good at whatever it is I decide to do. When I decide to do drugs, I'm good at doing them. When I decide to steal money for the party life. I'm so good at it I'm never caught. I've only been caught once in my life for theft, and that was when I was barely getting into the art of it. I was only caught once for being under the influence, they got me for P.I. but I was on so much more, and had so many drugs on me when they stopped us it's amazing that they only managed sticking me with a P.I. The internet is my sanctuary, it's what keeps me a relative person. It doesn't manage to make me too much of a person. I realize that I will be a cynic with a depraved sense of humor and little regard to the human plight and emotion for all of my natural life. However, with the internet, it takes my edge off. I can't be a total demon in both reality and in cyber space, but I have now discovered that if I only take part in one of the aspects at any given time. I am more than capable of being the demon that everyone loves to think I am. I realize I have rambled, and probably not made too much sense, but I've wanted to get this out for awhile.
I would also like to apologize for one thing. Not for hurting anyone's feelings, not for being me, not for anything anyone would like me to apologize for. The thing I do apologize for is being the addict. Letting the drugs get ahold of me the way they did. I have never been used abused or raped by any living thing, but I have been done by all those things with the wonders of narcotics. So yes, I do apologize. It won't happen again. It had to happen once. It was the only way I'd ever get over it, but now that I realize what I became I can only now make the vow for it to not happen again.
Now this was a proper rant on my part. I feel proud of this. Haha.
Adieu.