Re-Awakened.
I have dreamed dreams this past week or so of things that have been done, or said.
Things that occured ages ago.
I sat and discussed with this woman whom I've loved that we will fall apart, that we will fail; but that I WOULD see her in the next life.
She laughed at me.
She said I was utterly uncivilized.
And yet here I am recalling such things.
What is it truly to be a human being?
What is it to sit and recall the smell of blood in the ocean spray when you've never done such things before.
Not this time around, anyway.
I know what a human heart beating looks like.
When I saw it this time around, it didn't surprise me.
It gave me a sense of completion, that I was not insane to think of it the way I did think of it.
I have heard hundreds cry to their death, and yet I stood there and felt it was right.
I have been things in this world that I would despise today.
I was a Government.
I was a part of the machine.
But that machine was so much simpler.
It's these complicated days that terrify me.
It's these days of such grand schemery that make me sit and wait for the homeless to bleed out.
That's a simple life.
Drug addiction was a simple life.
A family is a simple life.
Until it enters this new world we have.
This putrid shit of a reality that withers it all away.
The question is will I be strong enough to survive these things until the end of days.
Or will I simply live to discover it shall never be?
I've always pondered what it would be like to be a truly damned soul.
Maybe we all already are.
Things that occured ages ago.
I sat and discussed with this woman whom I've loved that we will fall apart, that we will fail; but that I WOULD see her in the next life.
She laughed at me.
She said I was utterly uncivilized.
And yet here I am recalling such things.
What is it truly to be a human being?
What is it to sit and recall the smell of blood in the ocean spray when you've never done such things before.
Not this time around, anyway.
I know what a human heart beating looks like.
When I saw it this time around, it didn't surprise me.
It gave me a sense of completion, that I was not insane to think of it the way I did think of it.
I have heard hundreds cry to their death, and yet I stood there and felt it was right.
I have been things in this world that I would despise today.
I was a Government.
I was a part of the machine.
But that machine was so much simpler.
It's these complicated days that terrify me.
It's these days of such grand schemery that make me sit and wait for the homeless to bleed out.
That's a simple life.
Drug addiction was a simple life.
A family is a simple life.
Until it enters this new world we have.
This putrid shit of a reality that withers it all away.
The question is will I be strong enough to survive these things until the end of days.
Or will I simply live to discover it shall never be?
I've always pondered what it would be like to be a truly damned soul.
Maybe we all already are.