(no subject)
85% of the time, im excruciatingly unhappy, i have short sharp bursts of 'happiness', and then i resume being the kind of pessimistic, emotional, whiney person who you always hate in movies.
i find it very hard to talk to people and even harder to make friends. everyone ive ever known ive thought hated me at one point. i dont get on with family and i dont even try. i hate far too many things and people, and im not afraid to make rude comments about people when they are in front of me. im tediously boring, probably selfish and i cry too much. all in all be happy that most of you will probably never meet me.
i also have a boyfriend who is very nearly perfect, friends who are perfect. i go to a good college, im clever if i try. i have a whole family, a roof over my head, food, money, clothes. im seeing or have seen all my favourite bands, and i dont hate the way i look. and the weather is beautiful today.
i dont know why im unhappy so much. but i do know that most of you wont read this post, most of you dont know my real name, most of you dont even know why you have me on your friends list. in ten years time, me, my journal, my life will all be nothing to you. im not trying to make any sort of point here; but this livejournal malarky is strange, im not sure why i became so intregued by it all those years ago. i change my username all the time because i change who i am all the time. right now i dont know who i am, but i know im not who i want to be. i want to be living that second life i described and not the first.
i heard th most beautiful piano playing today.
&so ive decided that im going to leave. for good.
im not going to come back this time, im not deleting this journal yet, and im going to keep my friends list for now. i dont think im quite ready to let go of rustedstarxo, so im going to leave it open for a while, until i feel like i can delete the last months of my life.
so goodbye.
i find it very hard to talk to people and even harder to make friends. everyone ive ever known ive thought hated me at one point. i dont get on with family and i dont even try. i hate far too many things and people, and im not afraid to make rude comments about people when they are in front of me. im tediously boring, probably selfish and i cry too much. all in all be happy that most of you will probably never meet me.
i also have a boyfriend who is very nearly perfect, friends who are perfect. i go to a good college, im clever if i try. i have a whole family, a roof over my head, food, money, clothes. im seeing or have seen all my favourite bands, and i dont hate the way i look. and the weather is beautiful today.
i dont know why im unhappy so much. but i do know that most of you wont read this post, most of you dont know my real name, most of you dont even know why you have me on your friends list. in ten years time, me, my journal, my life will all be nothing to you. im not trying to make any sort of point here; but this livejournal malarky is strange, im not sure why i became so intregued by it all those years ago. i change my username all the time because i change who i am all the time. right now i dont know who i am, but i know im not who i want to be. i want to be living that second life i described and not the first.
i heard th most beautiful piano playing today.
&so ive decided that im going to leave. for good.
im not going to come back this time, im not deleting this journal yet, and im going to keep my friends list for now. i dont think im quite ready to let go of rustedstarxo, so im going to leave it open for a while, until i feel like i can delete the last months of my life.
so goodbye.